and I want to throw myself at him, but I know who I am and what I'm capable of. And I know what this decision would cost me. "My mom thought she could have it all. So did my sister. But as soon as they got married, they got pregnant, and who do you think had to make the sacrifices to take care of the kids or cook dinner or clean house or stay home with sick kids? Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and my sister, but I don't want to be them."
He shakes his head. "I'm not asking that of you."
"I know you don't think you are, but this," I flap my arms around between us, "whatever this is, it's not casual, is it? We got married our first night together. I don't remember how or why, but I've been drunk before and never ended up married. And I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop imagining you in my life. It scares the hell out me. You're a doctor. I plan bachelor parties. Whose career do you think will trump whose when we have kids and one of us has to stay home? Mine, obviously, because saving the lives of children is way more important than planning parties, and I can't be with someone whose life will always trump mine."
"My career will never trump yours. And we can have this without the kids. They invented this thing called birth control; as a doctor, I assure you it's pretty effective. Just give it a shot, Kacie. Give us a shot. It doesn't have to lead anywhere you don't want it to."
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but… "Yes. Okay. Yes. I'll give you a summer."
I say yes, because how can I say no? I'd just obsess about him anyways, so I might as well spend time with him. Maybe we'll get sick of each other after a few weeks, and I can go back to the carefree business owner I was the night I met him.
But that fear is still in me. That fear that I will lose myself in this man and stop being everything that makes me Kacie Michaels. The fear that I will indeed become my mother, and once that happens, it'll already too late.
I can give him the summer, as promised.
But I'm not sure I can give him a lifetime.
Chapter 11
Dinner Dates
This doesn't have to change me. It's just a casual dating relationship, that's all. If I keep telling myself this often enough, maybe I'll believe it. Maybe it'll even become true.
It's only been twenty-four hours since I've seen the sexy doctor, and I'm already acting like a teen with the worst crush of her life.
Vi snaps her fingers in my face. "Earth to Kacie. You going to join us at all tonight, or should we get you and your thoughts a private room?"
"Funny," I say, but I smile because she's right. I'm being an asshole. "What were we talking about?"
Vi sighs as only she can sigh. "Chad. Things are heating up between us. He's over at my place all the time. We're talking about moving in together."
My eyes widen, but our waiter comes to refill our drinks, so I keep my thoughts silent until he leaves. Tate has a date tonight with his new girlfriend, so Vi and I decided to make it a girls' night. Something we haven't done in a while. Contrary to what you might think, given our respective jobs, we're pretty tame for the most part. Tonight we're at a little Italian place we like to go to when we feel like living dangerously with carbs.
I look down at my plate, piled high with what has to be the best cheese ravioli and garlic bread in the universe. It's definitely a dangerous night. Especially since I also have my eye on the seven layer chocolate cake this place is famous for.
Once we're alone again, I give Vi my best shocked face. "You just met the guy. Isn't it a bit soon to move in together?"
She smirks at me. "Says the woman who married her date the first night."
"And look what a mess I'm in because of it."
She shoves a fork full of spaghetti into her mouth and chews for a few moments before speaking. "I'm not saying I'm doing it. But you have to admit, he's a pretty great guy."
I nod. "I'll give you that. And man, does he have a voice on him. He
He shakes his head. "I'm not asking that of you."
"I know you don't think you are, but this," I flap my arms around between us, "whatever this is, it's not casual, is it? We got married our first night together. I don't remember how or why, but I've been drunk before and never ended up married. And I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop imagining you in my life. It scares the hell out me. You're a doctor. I plan bachelor parties. Whose career do you think will trump whose when we have kids and one of us has to stay home? Mine, obviously, because saving the lives of children is way more important than planning parties, and I can't be with someone whose life will always trump mine."
"My career will never trump yours. And we can have this without the kids. They invented this thing called birth control; as a doctor, I assure you it's pretty effective. Just give it a shot, Kacie. Give us a shot. It doesn't have to lead anywhere you don't want it to."
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but… "Yes. Okay. Yes. I'll give you a summer."
I say yes, because how can I say no? I'd just obsess about him anyways, so I might as well spend time with him. Maybe we'll get sick of each other after a few weeks, and I can go back to the carefree business owner I was the night I met him.
But that fear is still in me. That fear that I will lose myself in this man and stop being everything that makes me Kacie Michaels. The fear that I will indeed become my mother, and once that happens, it'll already too late.
I can give him the summer, as promised.
But I'm not sure I can give him a lifetime.
Chapter 11
Dinner Dates
This doesn't have to change me. It's just a casual dating relationship, that's all. If I keep telling myself this often enough, maybe I'll believe it. Maybe it'll even become true.
It's only been twenty-four hours since I've seen the sexy doctor, and I'm already acting like a teen with the worst crush of her life.
Vi snaps her fingers in my face. "Earth to Kacie. You going to join us at all tonight, or should we get you and your thoughts a private room?"
"Funny," I say, but I smile because she's right. I'm being an asshole. "What were we talking about?"
Vi sighs as only she can sigh. "Chad. Things are heating up between us. He's over at my place all the time. We're talking about moving in together."
My eyes widen, but our waiter comes to refill our drinks, so I keep my thoughts silent until he leaves. Tate has a date tonight with his new girlfriend, so Vi and I decided to make it a girls' night. Something we haven't done in a while. Contrary to what you might think, given our respective jobs, we're pretty tame for the most part. Tonight we're at a little Italian place we like to go to when we feel like living dangerously with carbs.
I look down at my plate, piled high with what has to be the best cheese ravioli and garlic bread in the universe. It's definitely a dangerous night. Especially since I also have my eye on the seven layer chocolate cake this place is famous for.
Once we're alone again, I give Vi my best shocked face. "You just met the guy. Isn't it a bit soon to move in together?"
She smirks at me. "Says the woman who married her date the first night."
"And look what a mess I'm in because of it."
She shoves a fork full of spaghetti into her mouth and chews for a few moments before speaking. "I'm not saying I'm doing it. But you have to admit, he's a pretty great guy."
I nod. "I'll give you that. And man, does he have a voice on him. He
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