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path, she had firmly set her own benchmark.
    She had always thought that she loved
living
too much to waste time hiding away in a room in front of a pileof books. She liked
sampling
things, getting a taste for different experiences. She refused to be tied down and she had always been proud of her thirst for freedom.
    Matt’s take on things had badly damaged that glib acceptance. She wondered whether her happy-go-lucky attitude stemmed from a deep-rooted fear of competition. If you didn’t try, then you weren’t going to fail—as he had said to her on day one—and she had never tried and so had never set herself up for a fall. She had been offended and resentful at his implication that she lacked self-confidence, and yet she knew that she had never made the most of her talents. Underneath the pretty, popular, happy-go-lucky girl, had there always been an anxious, scared one, covering up her insecurities by wanting to be seen as the antidote to her sisters? Had she cultivated her social life—always being there for other people, always willing to lend a hand and always in demand—because that had helped her prove to herself that she was every bit as valuable as her two clever sisters?
    Tess didn’t like this train of thought, but, having started, she was finding it impossible to stop. One thought seemed to generate another. It was as though a locked door had suddenly been flung open and out had spilled all manner of lost, forgotten and deliberately misplaced things from her childhood.
    For the first time she had no inclination to share her thoughts with her sister, indeed, was relieved that Claire had taken herself off for a week’s break with Tom and wouldn’t be returning until the middle of the following week.
    As she was getting ready on Friday morning for theirexpedition to the zoo, Tess made herself address the other discomforting issue that had been nagging the back of her mind—the other loaded pistol that Matt had pointed at her head and forced her to acknowledge.
Why
had she suddenly jettisoned her social life? Why? She had arrived in Manhattan a carefree, fun-loving girl, with no thoughts beyond enjoying a lovely break from Ireland and perhaps trying to figure out what job to apply for when she returned. So how had she suddenly found herself in the position of willingly sacrificing her social life for the sake of a job? Why did the thought of going out and having a good time with young people her own age leave her cold? Of course she enjoyed Samantha, and loved the small changes in her personality she could detect as the days passed. It was rewarding to watch the person emerge from the protective, wary shell—like watching a butterfly emerge from its cocoon—but beyond that she just really liked being in Matt’s company because she fancied him.
    Tess hadn’t recognised that for what it was because she didn’t think she had ever truly fancied anyone before. She had never questioned all those stolen glances and the way her body responded when he was around. Even now, as she wriggled into a navy and white striped vest and brushed out her hair before tying it up into a ponytail, she could feel her body tingling at the thought of seeing him.
That
was why she had thought nothing of putting her social life on hold.
That
was why she was happy to spend evenings at his apartment, sometimes just sitting cross-legged on the sofa with Samantha, watching something on the telly, while on the chair close by Mattpretended to watch with the newspaper in front of him and a drink at his side.
    Tess felt a little thrill of excitement race through her. She was in lust, and it felt good even if nothing would come of it. Because she certainly hadn’t caught him stealing any glances at her, and she couldn’t imagine him thinking about her in some way—not the way she realised she thought about him.
    Tess could only assume that the very sheltered life she had led was the reason why she was only now feeling things that most