yelling now. He sounded exactly like his father. “Will you stop being such a stupid little girl? Nothing is going to change—do you get that? I’m trapped here in this hellhole of an apartment and I’ll never get out from under as long as I have to carry two—” He stopped himself. She knew he’d been about to say that she and the baby were like rocks weighing him down, and if he had finished the sentence she wasn’t sure what she would have done. But he had caught himself in time. “I’ll never get out!” he said.
Years later she would realize that she should have fought him then. She’d wanted to say that having a baby had been his idea so he could save his precious skin. “Don’t you dare blame me!” she’d wanted to scream. And perhaps if she had, he would have learned to take responsibility for his own mistakes. Or maybe he never could have learned that. In any case, she hadn’t screamed at him because then she would have been saying thathaving Katie had been a mistake, and there was no way she would ever say or feel that. And besides, in those days she still wanted to be the perfect wife. So she had choked down her anger, and she’d gone to the one small window in the room, and raised the blinds he’d pulled down. A narrow shaft of sunshine pierced the gloom he’d created.
“It’s a beautiful day outside, Robby,” she said as calmly as she could. “Go out. You can’t hide in the house forever.”
“Leave me the hell alone.”
After that he refused to talk to her. He did finally leave the apartment; he had two jobs after all. But when he was home he sat in a chair reading magazines and watching bad television shows in silence until it was time to go back to work.
One day Laura realized that the war in Vietnam had been over for months, and she’d been so preoccupied she’d only noticed it in passing.
Chapter Seven
R escue came in the form of a meeting with Robby’s mentor. Professor Hawkins had been aware of Robby’s struggles, and he summoned him to lunch at the faculty dining room. Even in his state of despair Robby didn’t dare refuse.
“I know you have great potential, Robby,” Professor Hawkins said after the steak sandwiches had been ordered. “I still believe in you. But your attention is too scattered. I believe I have a solution for that.”
What he was proposing was a position for Robby on the university faculty. There were two freshman courses in archaeology that Hawkins taught every year, or at least, that was the claim in the university’s catalog. In reality, the professor turned this drudgery over to one of his graduate students. The young man who had been teaching the courses was leaving, and Hawkins had chosen Robby to be his replacement. The workload would be light, certainly lighter than the one Robby wasnow carrying, and when he took over the classes there would be an increase in the paycheck he was already receiving as Hawkins’s assistant. Best of all, Robby would be eligible for faculty housing. For less than he was now paying, he would be able to rent an entire house.
Robby’s gratitude to his mentor bordered on worship. Laura was wary. From what she’d seen, Professor Hawkins enjoyed having eager acolytes surrounding him, but he never seemed to do much to advance the careers of the young people who worked for him. And a surprisingly high number of them never seemed to finish their degree. Still, Robby was talking to her again.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk,” he said. “I’d never regret getting married, or having Katie.”
“I know,” she’d said. And she told herself that whatever her reservations were about the professor, this was the fresh start they needed.
–—
In the beginning it seemed as if that was the case. Robby enjoyed teaching and he was popular with the kids. Most of them were taking the course to fulfill the school’s science requirement and couldn’t have cared less about the subject, so the fact that Robby
Years later she would realize that she should have fought him then. She’d wanted to say that having a baby had been his idea so he could save his precious skin. “Don’t you dare blame me!” she’d wanted to scream. And perhaps if she had, he would have learned to take responsibility for his own mistakes. Or maybe he never could have learned that. In any case, she hadn’t screamed at him because then she would have been saying thathaving Katie had been a mistake, and there was no way she would ever say or feel that. And besides, in those days she still wanted to be the perfect wife. So she had choked down her anger, and she’d gone to the one small window in the room, and raised the blinds he’d pulled down. A narrow shaft of sunshine pierced the gloom he’d created.
“It’s a beautiful day outside, Robby,” she said as calmly as she could. “Go out. You can’t hide in the house forever.”
“Leave me the hell alone.”
After that he refused to talk to her. He did finally leave the apartment; he had two jobs after all. But when he was home he sat in a chair reading magazines and watching bad television shows in silence until it was time to go back to work.
One day Laura realized that the war in Vietnam had been over for months, and she’d been so preoccupied she’d only noticed it in passing.
Chapter Seven
R escue came in the form of a meeting with Robby’s mentor. Professor Hawkins had been aware of Robby’s struggles, and he summoned him to lunch at the faculty dining room. Even in his state of despair Robby didn’t dare refuse.
“I know you have great potential, Robby,” Professor Hawkins said after the steak sandwiches had been ordered. “I still believe in you. But your attention is too scattered. I believe I have a solution for that.”
What he was proposing was a position for Robby on the university faculty. There were two freshman courses in archaeology that Hawkins taught every year, or at least, that was the claim in the university’s catalog. In reality, the professor turned this drudgery over to one of his graduate students. The young man who had been teaching the courses was leaving, and Hawkins had chosen Robby to be his replacement. The workload would be light, certainly lighter than the one Robby wasnow carrying, and when he took over the classes there would be an increase in the paycheck he was already receiving as Hawkins’s assistant. Best of all, Robby would be eligible for faculty housing. For less than he was now paying, he would be able to rent an entire house.
Robby’s gratitude to his mentor bordered on worship. Laura was wary. From what she’d seen, Professor Hawkins enjoyed having eager acolytes surrounding him, but he never seemed to do much to advance the careers of the young people who worked for him. And a surprisingly high number of them never seemed to finish their degree. Still, Robby was talking to her again.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk,” he said. “I’d never regret getting married, or having Katie.”
“I know,” she’d said. And she told herself that whatever her reservations were about the professor, this was the fresh start they needed.
–—
In the beginning it seemed as if that was the case. Robby enjoyed teaching and he was popular with the kids. Most of them were taking the course to fulfill the school’s science requirement and couldn’t have cared less about the subject, so the fact that Robby
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