Read Online Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Eliezer Yudkowsky - Free Book Online Page B

laid out on the slanted wooden display, the grey glow still protecting and the salesgirl back in her old position. The salesgirl looked up as they approached, her face showing surprise.
    “I’m sorry,” she said as they got closer, and Harry spoke at almost the same moment, “I apologise for -”
    They broke off and looked at each other, and then the salesgirl laughed a little. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble with Professor McGonagall,” she said. Her voice lowered conspiratorially. “I hope she wasn’t
too
awful to you.”
    “
Della!
” said Professor McGonagall, sounding scandalised.
    “Bag of gold,” Harry said to his pouch, and then looked back up at the salesgirl while he counted out five Galleons. “Don’t worry, I understand that she’s only awful to me because she loves me.”
    He counted out five Galleons to the salesgirl while Professor McGonagall was spluttering something unimportant. “One Emergency Healing Pack Plus, please.”
    It was actually sort of unnerving to see how the Widening Lip swallowed the briefcase-sized medical kit. Harry couldn’t help wondering what would happen if he tried climbing into the mokeskin pouch himself, given that only the person who put something in was supposed to be able to take it out again.
    When the pouch was done… eating… his hard-won purchase, Harry swore he heard a small burping sound afterward. That
had
to have been spelled in on purpose. The alternative hypothesis was too horrifying to contemplate… in fact Harry couldn’t even
think
of any alternative hypotheses. Harry looked back up at the Professor, as they began walking through Diagon Alley once more. “Where to next?”
    Professor McGonagall pointed toward a shop that looked as if it had been made from flesh instead of bricks and covered in fur instead of paint. “Small pets are permitted at Hogwarts - you could get an owl to send letters, for example -”
    “Can I pay a Knut or something and
rent
an owl when I need to send mail?”
    “Yes,” said Professor McGonagall.
    “Then I think emphatically
no.
”
    Professor McGonagall nodded, as though ticking off a point. “Might I ask why not?”
    “I had a pet rock once. It died.”
    “You don’t think you could take care of a pet?”
    “I
could,
” Harry said, “but I would end up obsessing all day long about whether I’d remembered to feed it that day or if it was slowly starving in its cage, wondering where its master was and why there wasn’t any food.”
    “That poor owl,” the older witch said in a soft voice. “Abandoned like that. I wonder what it would do.”
    “Well, I expect it’d get really hungry and start trying to claw its way out of the cage or the box or whatever, though it probably wouldn’t have much luck with that -” Harry stopped short.
    The witch went on, still in that soft voice. “And what would happen to it afterward?”
    “Excuse me,” Harry said, and he reached up to take Professor McGonagall by the hand, gently but firmly, and steered her into yet another alleyway; after ducking so many well-wishers the process had become almost unnoticeably routine. “Please cast that silencing spell.”
    “
Quietus.
”
    Harry’s voice was shaking. “That owl does
not
represent me, my parents
never
locked me in a cupboard and left me to starve, I do
not
have abandonment fears and I
don’t like the trend of your thoughts, Professor McGonagall!
”
    The witch looked down at him gravely. “And what thoughts would those be, Mr. Potter?”
    “You think I was,” Harry was having trouble saying it, “I was
abused?
”
    “Were you?”
    “
No!
” Harry shouted. “No, I never was! Do you think I’m
stupid?
I
know
about the concept of child abuse, I
know
about inappropriate touching and all of that and if anything like that happened I would call the police! And report it to the head teacher! And look up social services in the phone book! And tell Grandpa and Grandma and Mrs. Figg! But my