Daniel.
He didn’t want to go to college. In fact, he loathed the idea, but he supposed it had to be done. He tried to think of it as a rite of passage. Owen supposed that what was now between him and Daniel was another sort of passage too.
Daniel motioned at the bottle. “Too much of that is bad for you, you know.”
Owen shrugged. “Thanks for sharing.” He took a swig. “I’ll make sure to write that down.”
Daniel’s spine stiffened. “Look, I know you’re not happy about this.”
“Of course I’m not happy,” Owen said. “You want to stop dating so that your family and friends don’t know you’re gay.” Owen nodded and put the bottle down to butt out his cigarette. “Does that about sum it up?”
Daniel tried to soften his words. “I didn’t say that we had to stop seeing each other. I just said that we should see other people.”
“You want to see women,” Owen said. It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah,” Daniel admitted. “But they won’t mean anything.”
“You expect me to believe they’d just be dates?” Owen couldn’t believe he was being so blunt. “What am I to you, then?” He was beginning to sound like a bitchy ex already, but he was okay with that.
Owen knew this would be the last time he’d see Daniel. Something had pulled him away from Owen. And Owen had no idea what it was. Well, actually, he had some idea.
Daniel huffed and reached for a cigarette. “You know I love you. I just need to make sure my parents don’t find out, my friends.” He shook his head. “You’re not popular. You don’t understand the pressure I’m under.”
The words cut like a knife through Owen. “So the past three months? What have they been to you?”
“Something wonderful.” Daniel moved closer to Owen, reached out a hand to run it along Owen’s jawline. “And what we have won’t stop. You just won’t see me as often, that’s all.”
Owen stepped back as if Daniel had slapped him. Owen had loved Daniel, had loved his best friend for so long that he’d never questioned it. But he had no idea who this new person was.
His heart felt empty. “I don’t have anything left to give you,” Owen said. “I gave you everything.”
Daniel said nothing to this, only took a drag off of his cigarette. “I really don’t get what the problem is here.” There was a rasp to Daniel’s words. Owen pictured his insides hardening into stone.
“You can’t just love me at your convenience. I don’t want to sit around waiting for you to come by after a date with some floozy because you’re too much of a coward to tell your family what you are.”
“Owen, we’re only eighteen. You keep talking like you want to be with me forever. We’re both going away to different colleges—you know we won’t see each other very often.” He butted out his cigarette. The smoke around him died, and Owen thought the ashes in the ashtray were like a period at the end of a sentence.
Owen sighed. He had known what was between them couldn’t last. He had loved Daniel for so long, for so many years. Maybe this was where they parted from each other.
“I hope you enjoy college,” Owen said. “Now please get out of my house.” He kept his back to Daniel. He didn’t want his friend to see him crying. His tongue felt thick, as if it were covered in glass.
“Owen...” Daniel’s voice was a gentle purr.
“Please,” Owen said. “ Please go.”
Owen listened as Daniel’s footsteps retreated along the kitchen floor. He heard the footsteps stop and somehow knew that Daniel was looking at him. Owen didn’t turn around.
“I’ll call you,” Daniel said. “I’ll write.”
But Owen knew, like the love Daniel had given him, his words were lies too. Owen knew this had been good-bye.
He lit another cigarette and took a drag from his beer. It tasted like metal in his mouth. Pouring the beer down the drain, Owen sighed. “ Shit .” Taking another drag, he let the smoke float around him, a wobbly
He didn’t want to go to college. In fact, he loathed the idea, but he supposed it had to be done. He tried to think of it as a rite of passage. Owen supposed that what was now between him and Daniel was another sort of passage too.
Daniel motioned at the bottle. “Too much of that is bad for you, you know.”
Owen shrugged. “Thanks for sharing.” He took a swig. “I’ll make sure to write that down.”
Daniel’s spine stiffened. “Look, I know you’re not happy about this.”
“Of course I’m not happy,” Owen said. “You want to stop dating so that your family and friends don’t know you’re gay.” Owen nodded and put the bottle down to butt out his cigarette. “Does that about sum it up?”
Daniel tried to soften his words. “I didn’t say that we had to stop seeing each other. I just said that we should see other people.”
“You want to see women,” Owen said. It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah,” Daniel admitted. “But they won’t mean anything.”
“You expect me to believe they’d just be dates?” Owen couldn’t believe he was being so blunt. “What am I to you, then?” He was beginning to sound like a bitchy ex already, but he was okay with that.
Owen knew this would be the last time he’d see Daniel. Something had pulled him away from Owen. And Owen had no idea what it was. Well, actually, he had some idea.
Daniel huffed and reached for a cigarette. “You know I love you. I just need to make sure my parents don’t find out, my friends.” He shook his head. “You’re not popular. You don’t understand the pressure I’m under.”
The words cut like a knife through Owen. “So the past three months? What have they been to you?”
“Something wonderful.” Daniel moved closer to Owen, reached out a hand to run it along Owen’s jawline. “And what we have won’t stop. You just won’t see me as often, that’s all.”
Owen stepped back as if Daniel had slapped him. Owen had loved Daniel, had loved his best friend for so long that he’d never questioned it. But he had no idea who this new person was.
His heart felt empty. “I don’t have anything left to give you,” Owen said. “I gave you everything.”
Daniel said nothing to this, only took a drag off of his cigarette. “I really don’t get what the problem is here.” There was a rasp to Daniel’s words. Owen pictured his insides hardening into stone.
“You can’t just love me at your convenience. I don’t want to sit around waiting for you to come by after a date with some floozy because you’re too much of a coward to tell your family what you are.”
“Owen, we’re only eighteen. You keep talking like you want to be with me forever. We’re both going away to different colleges—you know we won’t see each other very often.” He butted out his cigarette. The smoke around him died, and Owen thought the ashes in the ashtray were like a period at the end of a sentence.
Owen sighed. He had known what was between them couldn’t last. He had loved Daniel for so long, for so many years. Maybe this was where they parted from each other.
“I hope you enjoy college,” Owen said. “Now please get out of my house.” He kept his back to Daniel. He didn’t want his friend to see him crying. His tongue felt thick, as if it were covered in glass.
“Owen...” Daniel’s voice was a gentle purr.
“Please,” Owen said. “ Please go.”
Owen listened as Daniel’s footsteps retreated along the kitchen floor. He heard the footsteps stop and somehow knew that Daniel was looking at him. Owen didn’t turn around.
“I’ll call you,” Daniel said. “I’ll write.”
But Owen knew, like the love Daniel had given him, his words were lies too. Owen knew this had been good-bye.
He lit another cigarette and took a drag from his beer. It tasted like metal in his mouth. Pouring the beer down the drain, Owen sighed. “ Shit .” Taking another drag, he let the smoke float around him, a wobbly
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