me out. I do want to be with you again. I miss you.”
Alexis didn’t respond. She couldn’t think of anything to say. She was not moved by his words, at least a small part of her, but also did not know what she was supposed to reply with. He had made such a big gesture coming to see her, but she was having trouble deciphering how manipulative of a move it was on his part. He must expect her to decide to be with him after all of this, she thought. She did not like the feeling that she was being forced to love him because of one grand gesture.
“Lexi,” he said, leaving in and reaching for her hands. “I still love you.”
She let him hold her hands, but instantly knew when he did that she had already moved too far past this. She was ready to try with Richard now, or be alone even, but she was not going back with Brandon. His touch felt wrong now. She had this new electric feeling to compare it to with Richard and whether they worked out or not, it was worth exploring rather than giving up and backtracking to be with Brandon.
She did love the timing of the universe with all of this; she had just committed to a weekend with Richard in Paris, but had not been able to sort through her feelings with him, and then here was the previous ‘love of her life’, changed for the better, asking for her back. She really could not deny that Brandon was different, at least on the surface. Just the fact that he was chasing after her in Europe was something that she would have admired in him and swooned for if Richard Greene had not yet existed to her. Since he did exist, however, Alexis found herself constantly comparing the three possible futures before her, and it was getting easier by the minute to close the door with Brandon behind it.
As she stood up to leave and left Brandon sitting alone with his pint, she felt as though there were two parts of her feeling entirely different emotions from what she had just done. One version of Alexis felt devastated, as though she had just broken up with Brandon all over again, but this time was worse, because she already knew what she had missed about him. She had missed his companionship and knowing that he would never leave her most of all. When he had been with Sophia, she had been happy for him but still had to distance herself, because it was too hard to see the person that had loved her for so long give that love to someone else. The other version knew that she had done the right thing. She was not in love with him anymore. She was ready to move on.
Even if being with Richard for the short period she had been did not mean anything in the long run, it had shown her that there was more out there for her in the romantic arena. She knew that it would be settling to be with Brandon again and that was not fair to either one of them. She honestly felt that he deserved to be loved better than she had the capacity to love him.
She took turns thinking the thoughts of each version of herself as she walked away from the pub and away from her hotel. She was not walking towards anything in particular; it just felt important not to backtrack in any way in this moment of inner turmoil.
*****
“Need a ride, Miss?” She heard from behind her. As she looked back, she saw the same black car that had delivered her back to her hotel this morning, but instead of a driver, now Richard was grinning from the window. She noticed how happy she was to see him and was glad that it was different and exciting compared to how she had felt when she saw Brandon just hours before. It was validation - This was what she wanted for her life for now.
“I’m not really going anywhere, so I don’t know where you’ll take me,” she said, playfully. “And I’m really not supposed to ride in the car with strangers.”
He
Alexis didn’t respond. She couldn’t think of anything to say. She was not moved by his words, at least a small part of her, but also did not know what she was supposed to reply with. He had made such a big gesture coming to see her, but she was having trouble deciphering how manipulative of a move it was on his part. He must expect her to decide to be with him after all of this, she thought. She did not like the feeling that she was being forced to love him because of one grand gesture.
“Lexi,” he said, leaving in and reaching for her hands. “I still love you.”
She let him hold her hands, but instantly knew when he did that she had already moved too far past this. She was ready to try with Richard now, or be alone even, but she was not going back with Brandon. His touch felt wrong now. She had this new electric feeling to compare it to with Richard and whether they worked out or not, it was worth exploring rather than giving up and backtracking to be with Brandon.
She did love the timing of the universe with all of this; she had just committed to a weekend with Richard in Paris, but had not been able to sort through her feelings with him, and then here was the previous ‘love of her life’, changed for the better, asking for her back. She really could not deny that Brandon was different, at least on the surface. Just the fact that he was chasing after her in Europe was something that she would have admired in him and swooned for if Richard Greene had not yet existed to her. Since he did exist, however, Alexis found herself constantly comparing the three possible futures before her, and it was getting easier by the minute to close the door with Brandon behind it.
As she stood up to leave and left Brandon sitting alone with his pint, she felt as though there were two parts of her feeling entirely different emotions from what she had just done. One version of Alexis felt devastated, as though she had just broken up with Brandon all over again, but this time was worse, because she already knew what she had missed about him. She had missed his companionship and knowing that he would never leave her most of all. When he had been with Sophia, she had been happy for him but still had to distance herself, because it was too hard to see the person that had loved her for so long give that love to someone else. The other version knew that she had done the right thing. She was not in love with him anymore. She was ready to move on.
Even if being with Richard for the short period she had been did not mean anything in the long run, it had shown her that there was more out there for her in the romantic arena. She knew that it would be settling to be with Brandon again and that was not fair to either one of them. She honestly felt that he deserved to be loved better than she had the capacity to love him.
She took turns thinking the thoughts of each version of herself as she walked away from the pub and away from her hotel. She was not walking towards anything in particular; it just felt important not to backtrack in any way in this moment of inner turmoil.
*****
“Need a ride, Miss?” She heard from behind her. As she looked back, she saw the same black car that had delivered her back to her hotel this morning, but instead of a driver, now Richard was grinning from the window. She noticed how happy she was to see him and was glad that it was different and exciting compared to how she had felt when she saw Brandon just hours before. It was validation - This was what she wanted for her life for now.
“I’m not really going anywhere, so I don’t know where you’ll take me,” she said, playfully. “And I’m really not supposed to ride in the car with strangers.”
He
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