Read Online Gonzo (Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club Book 7) by Candace Blevins - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Candace Blevins
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looked a lot like Chloe, and Nicky…” Her voice broke and she took a breath and swallowed before finishing, “I can easily see Declan looking like him in a few years.”
I nodded agreement. “Clara and Chloe — the names are so similar. I’ll try not to fuck up again but I can’t make promises. I see Chloe, I’m not trying to make her into my Clara, but the names are just so…” I’d cried in front of this woman once and I wasn’t going to do it again. I looked back at the water in an effort to get my emotions under control.
She reached across the weathered table and put her hand on mine, tentatively, as if she thought it might shock her, but then relaxed it on top when she realized it was okay. “I’m so sorry. It must’ve ripped your heart out to see their picture. If I’d known, I’d have approached you differently.”
“Not your fault. I made them. I never go in a puss—” I interrupted myself and started over. This was her sister I was talking about and I needed to try to respect Connie’s feelings. “I never have vaginal intercourse without a condom, but I remember pulling out of Sandy and realizing it had broken.”
She pulled her hand back and her face went red again, and I changed the subject. “I’m surprised Sandy was only with me, but I have to assume she was since she only listed my name. We weren’t an item. She came around for about six weeks, and she gravitated towards me when she did. She was a good lay so I took her up on her offers, but I don’t think we spoke more than a few dozen words to each other every time we were together — which I think was four, maybe five times.”
I smelled her pain as she drew a circle with her finger on the sun-bleached wood of the picnic table. When she finally looked up, tears were close to spilling from her eyes. “Sandy was broken. She was drawn to people who were broken.”
Instead of taking offense at being called broken, I asked, “What broke her?”
“I wish I knew. Even in elementary school she got in more trouble than me, and I was always warning her not to do stuff, which she invariably did anyway. As we grew older, the things she did came with more consequences. Maybe it was because we moved so often, though I managed okay. She had more difficulties making new friends than I seemed to, so she started seeking out the troublemakers and then doing outlandish stuff so they’d accept her. It was always hard to catch up on schoolwork, and after a while I think she just gave up and didn’t care.”
“We’ve both had losses,” I told her. “I want to be part of my kids’ lives, but I want to respect the role you play, too. We may butt heads a little, but I promise you I’ll try my best to be true to myself while doing right by you.”
“As long as they continue to live with me, I think we can work everything else out.”
“I can’t imagine asking for custody right now. This is their home and they’re thriving. I can’t promise I won’t want it at some point in the future, but I’m not interested in disrupting their lives. I need you to let me contribute financially though, for starters.”
I smelled anger, fear, confusion, pain. So many ways she could’ve responded, but she finally said, “My dad leaves Wednesday to go back to Virginia. If you’d like to spend the night either Friday or Saturday night, you’re welcome to stay in the mother-in-law apartment downstairs. That way you can read them a story and tuck them in, and be there in the morning for breakfast. We can plan to do something the next day, though something tells me you won’t want to go to church with us Sunday morning.”
“Let me double-check with Duke and make sure, but we’ll tentatively plan it for Friday night. Perhaps we can take them to Foster Falls on Saturday, and hike into the canyon?”
“I’ve never been there — do you think it’ll be too much for them?”
I grinned. “They’ll be fine, but I’m sure I’ll have to hold
I nodded agreement. “Clara and Chloe — the names are so similar. I’ll try not to fuck up again but I can’t make promises. I see Chloe, I’m not trying to make her into my Clara, but the names are just so…” I’d cried in front of this woman once and I wasn’t going to do it again. I looked back at the water in an effort to get my emotions under control.
She reached across the weathered table and put her hand on mine, tentatively, as if she thought it might shock her, but then relaxed it on top when she realized it was okay. “I’m so sorry. It must’ve ripped your heart out to see their picture. If I’d known, I’d have approached you differently.”
“Not your fault. I made them. I never go in a puss—” I interrupted myself and started over. This was her sister I was talking about and I needed to try to respect Connie’s feelings. “I never have vaginal intercourse without a condom, but I remember pulling out of Sandy and realizing it had broken.”
She pulled her hand back and her face went red again, and I changed the subject. “I’m surprised Sandy was only with me, but I have to assume she was since she only listed my name. We weren’t an item. She came around for about six weeks, and she gravitated towards me when she did. She was a good lay so I took her up on her offers, but I don’t think we spoke more than a few dozen words to each other every time we were together — which I think was four, maybe five times.”
I smelled her pain as she drew a circle with her finger on the sun-bleached wood of the picnic table. When she finally looked up, tears were close to spilling from her eyes. “Sandy was broken. She was drawn to people who were broken.”
Instead of taking offense at being called broken, I asked, “What broke her?”
“I wish I knew. Even in elementary school she got in more trouble than me, and I was always warning her not to do stuff, which she invariably did anyway. As we grew older, the things she did came with more consequences. Maybe it was because we moved so often, though I managed okay. She had more difficulties making new friends than I seemed to, so she started seeking out the troublemakers and then doing outlandish stuff so they’d accept her. It was always hard to catch up on schoolwork, and after a while I think she just gave up and didn’t care.”
“We’ve both had losses,” I told her. “I want to be part of my kids’ lives, but I want to respect the role you play, too. We may butt heads a little, but I promise you I’ll try my best to be true to myself while doing right by you.”
“As long as they continue to live with me, I think we can work everything else out.”
“I can’t imagine asking for custody right now. This is their home and they’re thriving. I can’t promise I won’t want it at some point in the future, but I’m not interested in disrupting their lives. I need you to let me contribute financially though, for starters.”
I smelled anger, fear, confusion, pain. So many ways she could’ve responded, but she finally said, “My dad leaves Wednesday to go back to Virginia. If you’d like to spend the night either Friday or Saturday night, you’re welcome to stay in the mother-in-law apartment downstairs. That way you can read them a story and tuck them in, and be there in the morning for breakfast. We can plan to do something the next day, though something tells me you won’t want to go to church with us Sunday morning.”
“Let me double-check with Duke and make sure, but we’ll tentatively plan it for Friday night. Perhaps we can take them to Foster Falls on Saturday, and hike into the canyon?”
“I’ve never been there — do you think it’ll be too much for them?”
I grinned. “They’ll be fine, but I’m sure I’ll have to hold
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