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me—even after I knew that he was going to be all right. A very qualified doctor had treated him and assured him that he had nothing else to worry about. But doctors didn’t know everything. And even with all the knowledge they possessed today, they were often wrong. Before Pee Wee could utter his next sentence, I began to anticipate his funeral and my eventual nervous breakdown. “I need to talk to your mama about somethin’ anyway,” he added, making me even more apprehensive.
    Charlotte and I looked at Pee Wee at the same time, then at each other. “Shoot. I hope we ain’t getting no divorce,” she said with a worried look. “Jimmy Proctor’s mama and daddy just got a divorce and now he ain’t no fun no more. Always sad…”
    Divorce? I had not thought of that; but now that it had been mentioned, it was running a close second place to cancer! If it was either one, I was doomed! Now it was my funeral that I was anticipating.
    Somehow I managed to force myself to remain calm. But the truth of the matter was, I was in mild agony. To me, divorce and cancer were two of the most feared words in the English language.
    â€œNobody is thinking about divorce,” I said weakly, addressing Charlotte but looking at my husband. My daughter released a loud sigh of relief before she strutted backward out of the kitchen and ran upstairs to her room. I turned to Pee Wee and held my breath. “Are we?”
    â€œAre we what?”
    â€œIs anybody in this room thinking about a divorce?”
    â€œIf it is, it ain’t me. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want no divorce.”
    I felt relieved, but only for a split second. With divorce off the plate, that left the demon that I feared the most. “Are you sick?” I rasped.
    â€œNo, I’m not. This ain’t got nothin’ to do with my health, praise the Lord.”
    To say that I was even more relieved would have been putting it mildly. I was ecstatic. But that lasted only a few moments, because from the look on Pee Wee’s face, something was still very wrong.
    â€œThen what do you want to talk to me about?” I asked him, my voice, hands, and half of everything else on my body trembling. One of my knees was shaking so hard it was tapping against the leg of the table like a baton.
    He took his time answering my question. And when he did, he didn’t even look me in the eye. He tilted his head to the side, scratched his neck, and then spoke with his lips barely moving. “Baby, I need a change. I need a real change in my life, and I need it now.”

CHAPTER 11
    â€œM ama, why are you looking so crazy?” My daughter had slunk back into the kitchen before I could respond to Pee Wee’s comments. “You are looking so mean, people would think somebody stole something from you.”
    Charlotte was just inside the doorway, leaning against the counter. I didn’t like the look on her face, or her tone of voice. One thing I could say about my relationship with my daughter was that I never let her forget which one of us was the parent and which one of us was the child. Whenever I got too liberal with her, to reestablish my role, I just thought about the incorrigible kids of some of the people I knew, and all of the problems that they were embroiled in. Like the kids acting out in school, talking back, running wild in the streets, doing drugs, fucking their brains out, and so on. That all reminded me of how good my relationship with my child was. But to save myself some time, I thought about children like Jade, Rhoda’s only daughter.
    Even though Rhoda was a stern parent who kept a tight rein on her little devil, Jade made my daughter seem like the poster child of innocence. That was one of the many things that I had to be thankful for. Nevertheless, I gave Charlotte one of my meanest looks. But before I could deal with her the way I wanted to, her daddy took