finish what we were talking about, Mark.â
I ordered my Jack Daniels and steak sandwich.
âYou were asking me who was thinking of lining up with another team when we were interrupted,â Jan said.
âWho was thinking of lining up with another team?â
âI havenât any idea,â she said.
âYou came looking for me to tell me that?â I sounded angry. In spite of myself I was angry.
Her brown eyes were wide, but fixed very intently on me. âI came looking for you because I knew Iâd hurt your feelings. I donât like to hurt someone.â
âWhat makes you think you hurt my feelings?â
She reached out and touched my hand. Her fingers were warm. I felt like a seventeen-year-old adolescent out with his first âfastâ woman. There were suddenly butterflies in my stomach. I told myself, âReact your age, Bud!â
âYou donât have control over everything, even if youâd like to,â she said. âMike Faraday sends me, Mark.â
âI noticed you werenât wearing those track shoes you mentioned,â I said.
Her body moved inside the raspberry wool, as though she was in pain. âI canât help myself with Mike. Itâs like I canât kick it. I want to but I canât.â
âLook, Doll,â I said, emphasizing his name for her, âI canât help you with your little problem. You said Nikos would have been angry if Tim Gallivan made a pass at you. How did he feel about Faraday?â
The brown eyes were wide, disturbingly honest. âHe didnât know about Mike. Do you know, that was the first time Mike ever touched me in public? That moment in my room? It was because he didnât have to be afraid anyone would mention it to Nikos.â
âA lot of people do know about it, I hear,â I said.
âIf anybody told Nikos, he would have asked me and I would have lied to him.â
âBecause you didnât want to lose a very secure future.â
âBecause I wouldnât have wanted to hurt him,â Jan said.
A waiter brought my Jack Daniels and I took a solid swig of it.
âHe used to cry sometimes,â Jan said.
âWho used to cry?â
âNikos. He used to cry because he wasnât a man any more. He used to cry because he couldnât make love to me. Oh, I would have if heâd asked. I really loved him, Mark. I wouldnât have hurt him for anything. I know what it was like for him, feeling he wasnât a man any more. Thatâs why I felt so badly about you.â
âNon sequitur,â I said.
âI made you feel you werenât a man,â she said. âSuddenly everything was turned on for Mike and you might like not have been there. It was an awful thing to do to you.â
âIâll live,â I said. âEveryone said she wasnât terribly bright, but sheâd hit the bullâs-eye. That was exactly why Iâd been burning for the last hourâbecause sheâd put my masculinity in doubt.
âSome people think you have to have love and respect and all like that with sex,â she said. âTo me itâs just something youâve got, and you give it because itâs all youâve got to give. So if you feel like giving something to someone, why, you give the only thing youâve got.â
âMakes it all very simple,â I said. My mouth felt suddenly dry.
âSo if it would help you to get over being hurt,â she said, the wide brown eyes leveled at me without a suggestion of coquettishness, âand it would give you any pleasureââ
Someone was tugging at my coat sleeve and I tried to shake it off. Stupid waiter, I thought. Something about the steak sandwich at a moment like this.
âSorry to interrupt,â a familiar voice said. It was Jerry Dodd, the Beaumontâs security officer. Jerry is a thin, wiry man with a professional smile that does nothing to hide
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