Read Online Girl In Pieces by Jordan Bell - Free Book Online Page B

little too uneducated about what obeying   actually meant. Some of them felt scary and others felt fake, most felt porny and greasy and too many of them didn’t know how to spell, which turned out to be a hard limit for me.
    I learned a lot about my hard limits from reading those ads.
    “They aren’t real people,” Gwen said one day over lunch when I confessed I’d been scanning the personals and was thinking about answering some of them. “I mean they are real, but they aren’t real   real. Until you meet them, they are just words. And people lie.”
    The lying part really upset her.
    “They tell you what you want to hear up front, but then you get something entirely different once you give them your virginity,” she said, shaking her blond head. “It’s all downhill from there.”
    Then, helpfully, she added, “Max has a cousin. Cute too. I could give him your number.”
    I doubted Max’s cousin knew much about Japanese rope bondage. I politely declined and went back to scouring the personals for someone who just wanted to pull my hair and tie me to their wrought iron bed. And spank me. Maybe. With their hand. Or a belt. I was a little nervous about other toys.
    I almost answered an ad from a guy looking for someone who wanted to drive around town with him and make-out, or more , in his car. Dogging he called it, which I discovered was the act of doing “things” outside where one might be seen. With the hope of being seen. What drew me to his ad was that he was more excited about making out like teenagers than he was about doing more . I liked it.
    It amazed me how there were words for such specific activities. It amazed me that there were enough people out there who sat around day dreaming about doing them.
    It made me feel all kinds of boring and sheltered.
    His ad reminded me of how I felt kneeling in front of a group of strangers as Josh tied me up. At first I’d been embarrassed, but then I could hear small gasps, quiet moans, sighs, and the unmistakable crossing of legs. I had made them feel something and that had been an incredible sort of turn on, an exhilarating sort of power. I had no idea I’d get excited about being watched.
    That seemed to be a common theme these days, discovering I was capable of enjoying something I would have considered absolutely unacceptable before.
    I didn’t answer his ad though, mostly because I was easily embarrassed and after a week of looking I’d started to feel nervous about it again. If one of my best friends could hurt me so easily, then what damage could a stranger do?
    It wasn’t until I came home late one night after meeting Julie and Tyler for dinner that I made up my mind. It was a knee jerk reaction to heartache and maybe not my best moment.
    I’d turned the corner near my apartment and there was the pink convertible parked on my side of the street, a block away from the bar. I imagined Josh asking her to park far enough away from my building so that I couldn’t silently stalk their relationship from my bedroom window.
    Mi-chelle . She had a gym bag in the back seat and dry cleaning hung from the window. There was a Taylor Swift CD on the passenger seat and an empty container for a vegan salad.
    I lingered too long wondering if she and Josh ever parked somewhere they might be seen to play . His hand between her legs, pushing her back into the cream leather, whispering against her ear as he used his fingers to make her moan and sigh. The thought made me nauseous.
      I trudged up the street and as I approached my building, the street level door to Josh’s apartment pushed open and there he was. He wore a long sleeved shirt beneath a Batman t-shirt, the long sleeves pushed up to his elbows showing off his muscular forearms. He roughed his hair, dug out his wallet, and paid a Chinese delivery guy for a bag of food. I watched, feeling my nausea turn to jealous longing and back to nausea. How many times had we ordered Chinese food and picnicked on his