*
That night Hobbs stayed home and went to bed at the same time as me. This should have told me something. He caught me studying that huge wedding ring.
“Are you still sulking around?” He was propped up on pillows.
I didn’t answer him.
“Oh come on, Nellie. Ain’t nothing to be mad about. I’m waiting on you. Give me my real Christmas present.”
“I’m tired, Hobbs.”
The change in his eyes flashed between us as he jumped from the bed and grabbed my arm. “Get your ass over here and don’t talk back to me again. Do you think I didn’t see you looking at Jack today?”
The twist on my arm hurt but I refused to give in and cry. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You like him!”
“No, Hobbs.”
His look was mean. “You’re a damn liar!” He pushed me. “I don’t like being cheated on, Nellie.”
“Are you crazy? I’m married.” My anger came spilling out. “You know that I wouldn’t cheat on you. How can you question me? You’re the one who is never home! I left my mama and came here for you. You won’t even let me see her. I gave up everything and now you ask me a question like that!” I braced myself.
He laughed as he yanked on my gown. “I guess you’re right, little girl. You have to love me if you left your mama. And you’re right about another thing. You sure as hell ain’t going to see that woman. No you ain’t. You’re mine. I own you, every part of you.” He squeezed my breast until tears came into my eyes. “You’re mine.” He shoved me on the bed.
There wasn’t one thing good about loving that night. I stayed awake for a long time watching him breathe andlistening to the cold wind howling. Was this what love was supposed to be? Hell, I didn’t know nothing. I’d never been in love before, only puppy love after one of my teachers in high school. I never even kissed a boy on the mouth before Hobbs came along. If what I had with Hobbs was real love, I didn’t want any part of it. I thought hard on how I could change things between us. There wasn’t nothing, nothing I could do. I fell asleep with that thought.
The next morning his side of the bed was empty. Hobbs’s truck was gone. I waited but he didn’t come back that night. I knelt on the floor and thanked God for keeping him away. When New Year’s Eve rolled around, Hobbs still hadn’t come home. Something told me he’d be gone a long time. I prayed he would. I’m ashamed to say I wasn’t feeling much like a good wife. I set into a routine and pretended he didn’t exist, that I’d never met him. The house welcomed me. The mountain knew me. I wasn’t at peace, but I could live with my life. I had settled. What more could I ask for?
Fourteen
I ’d like to say I woke up on New Year’s Day, looked in the mirror, and understood what being married to Hobbs was doing to me, but that would be a fairy tale of the worst kind. Instead each time Hobbs hurt me, I saw him a little clearer. The problem was, what would he have to do to make me understand the whole truth?
New Year’s Day was cold but sunny. I walked over to Shelly’s little house.
Mrs. Parker opened the door with a frown on her face. “What you need, Mrs. Pritchard?”
“I need Shelly’s help. It’d only be for today.” I knew Shelly was there. I could feel her listening.
“Your husband made it clear …”
“My husband isn’t here and no telling when he’ll come back, if he does this time.” I looked her dead in the eye. “I want to work in the attic and I don’t want to go alone.” This was true. “I’ll pay her, not Hobbs. He’ll never know.”
Mrs. Parker studied me for a minute. “You need to go home.”
“It’s not that easy. He don’t like my mama.”
Mrs. Parker looked me from head to toe. “You got yourself in a fix. You at least know him now. You know what he can do.”
I wanted to tell her about the night before he left, the way he shoved me. “I’ll make sure Shelly’s all right. I
That night Hobbs stayed home and went to bed at the same time as me. This should have told me something. He caught me studying that huge wedding ring.
“Are you still sulking around?” He was propped up on pillows.
I didn’t answer him.
“Oh come on, Nellie. Ain’t nothing to be mad about. I’m waiting on you. Give me my real Christmas present.”
“I’m tired, Hobbs.”
The change in his eyes flashed between us as he jumped from the bed and grabbed my arm. “Get your ass over here and don’t talk back to me again. Do you think I didn’t see you looking at Jack today?”
The twist on my arm hurt but I refused to give in and cry. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You like him!”
“No, Hobbs.”
His look was mean. “You’re a damn liar!” He pushed me. “I don’t like being cheated on, Nellie.”
“Are you crazy? I’m married.” My anger came spilling out. “You know that I wouldn’t cheat on you. How can you question me? You’re the one who is never home! I left my mama and came here for you. You won’t even let me see her. I gave up everything and now you ask me a question like that!” I braced myself.
He laughed as he yanked on my gown. “I guess you’re right, little girl. You have to love me if you left your mama. And you’re right about another thing. You sure as hell ain’t going to see that woman. No you ain’t. You’re mine. I own you, every part of you.” He squeezed my breast until tears came into my eyes. “You’re mine.” He shoved me on the bed.
There wasn’t one thing good about loving that night. I stayed awake for a long time watching him breathe andlistening to the cold wind howling. Was this what love was supposed to be? Hell, I didn’t know nothing. I’d never been in love before, only puppy love after one of my teachers in high school. I never even kissed a boy on the mouth before Hobbs came along. If what I had with Hobbs was real love, I didn’t want any part of it. I thought hard on how I could change things between us. There wasn’t nothing, nothing I could do. I fell asleep with that thought.
The next morning his side of the bed was empty. Hobbs’s truck was gone. I waited but he didn’t come back that night. I knelt on the floor and thanked God for keeping him away. When New Year’s Eve rolled around, Hobbs still hadn’t come home. Something told me he’d be gone a long time. I prayed he would. I’m ashamed to say I wasn’t feeling much like a good wife. I set into a routine and pretended he didn’t exist, that I’d never met him. The house welcomed me. The mountain knew me. I wasn’t at peace, but I could live with my life. I had settled. What more could I ask for?
Fourteen
I ’d like to say I woke up on New Year’s Day, looked in the mirror, and understood what being married to Hobbs was doing to me, but that would be a fairy tale of the worst kind. Instead each time Hobbs hurt me, I saw him a little clearer. The problem was, what would he have to do to make me understand the whole truth?
New Year’s Day was cold but sunny. I walked over to Shelly’s little house.
Mrs. Parker opened the door with a frown on her face. “What you need, Mrs. Pritchard?”
“I need Shelly’s help. It’d only be for today.” I knew Shelly was there. I could feel her listening.
“Your husband made it clear …”
“My husband isn’t here and no telling when he’ll come back, if he does this time.” I looked her dead in the eye. “I want to work in the attic and I don’t want to go alone.” This was true. “I’ll pay her, not Hobbs. He’ll never know.”
Mrs. Parker studied me for a minute. “You need to go home.”
“It’s not that easy. He don’t like my mama.”
Mrs. Parker looked me from head to toe. “You got yourself in a fix. You at least know him now. You know what he can do.”
I wanted to tell her about the night before he left, the way he shoved me. “I’ll make sure Shelly’s all right. I
Similar Books
