Read Online Getting Old Is Très Dangereux: A Mystery by Rita Lakin - Free Book Online Page B

isn’t.It’s just large and bright. And she wears matching high-heeled shoes. Which seem too tight for her, since she’s wobbling on them. She carries an elephant-size purse over her shoulder. Ditto same colors. And a huge sun hat hanging from a string on her arm. Think of a very large walking rainbow.
    Everyone stares.
    I have a sinking feeling that this is Lola’s suggested wedding planner.
    Lola plays Perle Mesta, the once-famous hostess. “Everybody, meet Trixie Tryhard, Florida’s most famous wedding planner.”
    Say it isn’t so.
    Trixie lunges toward each of us for a hearty handshake as Lola states our names.
    “Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.”
    “And hello back,” says Bella. Miss Charm. I’m surprised she didn’t curtsy.
    Lola beams. “Trixie was in the neighborhood and dropped by, hoping you had a few minutes to get acquainted.”
    “I suppose so,” I say warily.
    Evvie pushes me forward. “You could use the distraction.” She turns to the girls. “Come on, let’s hoof it.”
    The girls follow her, high-stepping in imitation.
    Just then we hear Hy calling Lola. Her master’s voice. And off she goes.
    Now I’m left alone with the overwhelming Ms. Tryhard. What a name.
    “Just call me Trix,” she says as she unloads a pile of stuff from her massive bag onto the patio table. “Isn’t this the loveliest day?”
    I sit down slowly at the edge of a chair in case I need to make a fast getaway.
    First she puts on her huge sun hat. “Don’t want too much sun, do we?”
    She reaches for an oversized three-ring binder notebook. And whips out a pen. As she does, she takes a handful of pens out and rolls them toward me. I read the writing on their sides.
Call Trix for your wedding fix
. “Take some and pass them around to your friends.”
    I start. “Ms. Tryhard … ” Trix shoots me a look which says, Didn’t you hear me? “Trix, I mean. I’m not really sure we need a wedding planner.”
    She is horrified. “Not need? No problem. Just hear me out and you’ll know this is the direction you want to take. Names!”
    “Excuse me?”
    “The name of the happy couple. You are Gladys Gold. Who’s the lucky guy?”
    “Jack Langford. But I’m not sure … ”
    “Jack Langford.” She writes slowly with one of her pens, her tongue licking the side of her lip as she does so.
    I try again. “Look, I don’t want to waste your time—”
    Trix puts her large right paw on my arm. “Just hear me out. Advice is free. After you hear, and I demonstrate what I can do for you, you will be thrilled to write me my itsy-bitsy checkee.”
    Checkee? Oh, no … I have the feeling if I try to get away she’ll sit on my lap and smother me. Oh, well. Evvie’s right. I’m already distracted.
    “First things first. When is the wedding date?”
    “We were talking about the first of the year. Maybe even earlier. We’re flexible.”
    Trix is horrified. “That’s impossible! We usually expect six to twelve months to prepare!”
    I start to get up. “Well, that’s that. We’ll just have to manage—”
    That large paw pushes me right back down again. “That’s a very good word—manage. That’s what we’ll do.” She sighs. “It might not be as grandiose.”
    I equal her sigh. “Grandiose is what we don’t want. Simple, that’s the operative word.”
    Trix laboriously writes the word in her notebook. It’s obviously not a word she likes. “We’ll just have to work speedo.”
    Speedo? I hate to think what that means.
    Trix pushes brochures at me. That purse must be bottomless.
    As she mentions a name, she slaps down abrochure to match. “Here’s our checklist: Decide on a definite date. Make an appointment with the clergyman. Determine a budget. Compose and set a guest list. Set time, location of ceremony, rehearsal, and reception. Choose photographer or videographer. Shop for wedding gown; several fittings will be necessary. Obtain floral and music estimates. Make appointment for bridal