Read Online From This Day Forward by Deborah Cox - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Deborah Cox
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here you have adventure, yes?" Ines's words drew her out of her reverie.
"No," Caroline replied quickly. "Well, yes, but I can't stay here."
Ines turned to face Caroline with shock and disappointment in her eyes. "But you marry Master Jason and travel across the ocean Atlantic."
"Not exactly, but I did travel a very long way. It—it was very foolish of me. I thought—" Caroline broke off, her eyes filling with tears she refused to shed.
"You don't like it here?"
Gaining control again, Caroline took a deep breath before answering, "I haven't been here long enough to tell. It doesn't matter. Master Jason says I must go and I'm not even sure I want to stay. I don't know what I want."
"Master Jason means what he doesn't say sometimes."
Caroline laughed. "I wonder."
"Master Jason is a good man. I know. Master Jason is not affection, not soft. You know?"
"Believe it or not, I do."
"But in here—" Ines held her fist to her chest. "In here he is soft."
Caroline turned to gaze out the window once again, her mind in turmoil. She'd believed Jason to be soft on the inside. Otherwise she never would have come here at all. But what she hadn't expected was the hardness of the shell he'd crawled into. If he possessed any softness, she wasn't sure any more that she could get through to it, to the man inside.
The rain subsided as quickly as it had begun. The jungle grew quiet and still for an instant before bursting with the noise of trilling birds and chattering monkeys once again. "Ines, he doesn't want me here. He's told me so."
"Man like Master Jason, he not always knows what he want. Sometime he find out what he want when it's gone."
"He has been nothing but rude and outright cruel to me since I've been here. He avoids me or insults me..."
"He is afraid."
Surprise forced Caroline to turn and face the other woman. "Afraid? Of what?"
"Of course, of you."
Caroline laughed without humor. "Me? That's ridiculous. I can't imagine that Jason Sinclair has ever been afraid of anything. Why would you think he's afraid of me?"
Ines stared at her for a moment, and Caroline waited for her to speak. Instead, she turned away and went back to dusting. "I say too much. Master Jason, he is much mixed up inside. He isn't liking it here alone, and he is afraid . He is afraid you will get too close to him and you will not like what is there."
The less you let anyone else know how you feel about anything, the better. It's good business sense.
Jason's words leaped into her mind. At the time, she'd taken them at face value, but maybe there was more to it than that. Business sense or philosophy of life? Could Ines be right? Her heart twisted at the thought that the frightened, injured little boy she'd glimpsed in Jason's letters might still be trapped inside that grown up body.
"You stay, Senhora ." Ines nodded emphatically and went back to her dusting, as if everything was settled.
"I can't. Don't you understand? He said I have to go back on the mail boat when it returns." Caroline looked out the window again. "I'm not sure I want to stay anyway. I'm not what he wanted, and I don't know if he's what I want either."
"Sim, Senhora . You want a strong man, not like Master Jason, a handsome man, no? Varonil? Yes, I see why you do not want Master Jason for a husband."
Caroline laughed. "Well, I don't know what varonil means exactly, but I can guess, and yes, he is all those things, but what difference does it make whether or not I want him if he doesn't want me?"
Ines smiled slyly. "Master Jason is not knowing his own mind, I know. But a beautiful woman can sometimes show a man what he does not want to see, it is not true?"
Jason stood just outside the stable beneath a waning sun, his eyes closed as the hauntingly sweet music surrounded him and penetrated his soul. A deluge of memories rushed at him so quickly he didn't have time to staunch them. The half-forgotten scent of roses filled his nostrils, and an oppressive heat nearly
"No," Caroline replied quickly. "Well, yes, but I can't stay here."
Ines turned to face Caroline with shock and disappointment in her eyes. "But you marry Master Jason and travel across the ocean Atlantic."
"Not exactly, but I did travel a very long way. It—it was very foolish of me. I thought—" Caroline broke off, her eyes filling with tears she refused to shed.
"You don't like it here?"
Gaining control again, Caroline took a deep breath before answering, "I haven't been here long enough to tell. It doesn't matter. Master Jason says I must go and I'm not even sure I want to stay. I don't know what I want."
"Master Jason means what he doesn't say sometimes."
Caroline laughed. "I wonder."
"Master Jason is a good man. I know. Master Jason is not affection, not soft. You know?"
"Believe it or not, I do."
"But in here—" Ines held her fist to her chest. "In here he is soft."
Caroline turned to gaze out the window once again, her mind in turmoil. She'd believed Jason to be soft on the inside. Otherwise she never would have come here at all. But what she hadn't expected was the hardness of the shell he'd crawled into. If he possessed any softness, she wasn't sure any more that she could get through to it, to the man inside.
The rain subsided as quickly as it had begun. The jungle grew quiet and still for an instant before bursting with the noise of trilling birds and chattering monkeys once again. "Ines, he doesn't want me here. He's told me so."
"Man like Master Jason, he not always knows what he want. Sometime he find out what he want when it's gone."
"He has been nothing but rude and outright cruel to me since I've been here. He avoids me or insults me..."
"He is afraid."
Surprise forced Caroline to turn and face the other woman. "Afraid? Of what?"
"Of course, of you."
Caroline laughed without humor. "Me? That's ridiculous. I can't imagine that Jason Sinclair has ever been afraid of anything. Why would you think he's afraid of me?"
Ines stared at her for a moment, and Caroline waited for her to speak. Instead, she turned away and went back to dusting. "I say too much. Master Jason, he is much mixed up inside. He isn't liking it here alone, and he is afraid . He is afraid you will get too close to him and you will not like what is there."
The less you let anyone else know how you feel about anything, the better. It's good business sense.
Jason's words leaped into her mind. At the time, she'd taken them at face value, but maybe there was more to it than that. Business sense or philosophy of life? Could Ines be right? Her heart twisted at the thought that the frightened, injured little boy she'd glimpsed in Jason's letters might still be trapped inside that grown up body.
"You stay, Senhora ." Ines nodded emphatically and went back to her dusting, as if everything was settled.
"I can't. Don't you understand? He said I have to go back on the mail boat when it returns." Caroline looked out the window again. "I'm not sure I want to stay anyway. I'm not what he wanted, and I don't know if he's what I want either."
"Sim, Senhora . You want a strong man, not like Master Jason, a handsome man, no? Varonil? Yes, I see why you do not want Master Jason for a husband."
Caroline laughed. "Well, I don't know what varonil means exactly, but I can guess, and yes, he is all those things, but what difference does it make whether or not I want him if he doesn't want me?"
Ines smiled slyly. "Master Jason is not knowing his own mind, I know. But a beautiful woman can sometimes show a man what he does not want to see, it is not true?"
Jason stood just outside the stable beneath a waning sun, his eyes closed as the hauntingly sweet music surrounded him and penetrated his soul. A deluge of memories rushed at him so quickly he didn't have time to staunch them. The half-forgotten scent of roses filled his nostrils, and an oppressive heat nearly
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