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Authors: Clodagh Murphy
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Romy that wasn’t actually there.
He watched Romy move around the brightly lit room, pouring wine and passing around food, and felt a longing to be on the inside. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to move. It was getting cold in the tree, but it looked so cosy and inviting where Romy was that it warmed him up just looking at her. At one point, she stood in the window with a plate in herhand, forking food into her mouth and gazing out at the night, and it was like she was looking right at him, as if somehow she knew he was there and they were sharing the moment.
Later, she got everyone playing old-fashioned Hallowe’en party games. Kit couldn’t see everything from his position, but he could see they were playing snap-apple at one stage. Snap-apple – without a hint of irony, and Romy was laughing her head off! She seemed to be having the time of her life with the old fogeys and deadbeats she had assembled in her house. She looked so happy, he thought wonderingly. Christ, if that was her idea of a good time, she’d probably be overjoyed to have him back in her life. Still he hung back, waiting to make his move …
He’s not here
, Romy thought as the party clattered and hummed around her.
He didn’t come.
It was completely irrational since she had no idea who he was and sometimes when she passed strangers in the street she thought ‘that could be him’ – so there was no reason why he couldn’t be standing in this room right now. But, somehow, she knew that he wasn’t. She was dismayed at how hollow that made her feel, and she turned to the window to give herself a moment of privacy, gazing out into the night as she forked cake into her mouth. He was still out there somewhere, and she would probably never see him again. She had thought she would feel relieved more than anything, but she realised now how excited she had been deep down at the thought that he might turn up.
She didn’t know why, but as soon as she opened the door to the first guest, she had experienced a sense of absolute certainty that he wasn’t going to come, and she had felt instantly deflated – and knocked off balance by the crushing disappointment she’d felt. After all, she had always known the chancesof him showing up were slim. But until that moment she hadn’t realised how much she had allowed the idea to take hold in her imagination. It was only when she was taking coats and exchanging small talk as she ushered in a group of her old school friends that the reality settled on her like the cold that still clung to them from outside, and she realised how fanciful she was being. Things like that didn’t happen in real life, to ordinary people like her.
‘Great party, Romy.’ She felt someone at her side and turned to find Derek Hanly standing beside her, a bottle of beer in his hand. Derek had been in her class at school. Tall and gangly, with an unkempt tangle of dark auburn hair and pale freckled skin, he still looked about twelve.
‘Hi, Derek,’ she smiled at him, shaking herself back to the present. ‘Glad you’re enjoying it.’ As she spoke, she saw Lesley in her peripheral vision, gesticulating at her wildly, alternating between pointing at Derek behind his back and waving her notebook.
Romy sighed. Even though she felt it was futile, she should probably go through the motions just to keep Lesley happy. ‘Were you at David’s party last year?’ she asked him.
‘Yeah, I was, but this one’s a lot more fun. All that crap with wearing masks.’
‘Hmm. What did you go as?’
Derek chuckled and took a sip of his beer before answering. ‘Darth Vader,’ he said, grinning at her. ‘Yeah, really shot myself in the foot with that one … bloody helmet …’
Romy was aware that he was still speaking, but she had no idea what he was saying. It was as if the room and everything in it had faded into the background and all she could hear was the beat of her heart and the rush of blood in her veins.
‘Romy?’ He
He watched Romy move around the brightly lit room, pouring wine and passing around food, and felt a longing to be on the inside. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to move. It was getting cold in the tree, but it looked so cosy and inviting where Romy was that it warmed him up just looking at her. At one point, she stood in the window with a plate in herhand, forking food into her mouth and gazing out at the night, and it was like she was looking right at him, as if somehow she knew he was there and they were sharing the moment.
Later, she got everyone playing old-fashioned Hallowe’en party games. Kit couldn’t see everything from his position, but he could see they were playing snap-apple at one stage. Snap-apple – without a hint of irony, and Romy was laughing her head off! She seemed to be having the time of her life with the old fogeys and deadbeats she had assembled in her house. She looked so happy, he thought wonderingly. Christ, if that was her idea of a good time, she’d probably be overjoyed to have him back in her life. Still he hung back, waiting to make his move …
He’s not here
, Romy thought as the party clattered and hummed around her.
He didn’t come.
It was completely irrational since she had no idea who he was and sometimes when she passed strangers in the street she thought ‘that could be him’ – so there was no reason why he couldn’t be standing in this room right now. But, somehow, she knew that he wasn’t. She was dismayed at how hollow that made her feel, and she turned to the window to give herself a moment of privacy, gazing out into the night as she forked cake into her mouth. He was still out there somewhere, and she would probably never see him again. She had thought she would feel relieved more than anything, but she realised now how excited she had been deep down at the thought that he might turn up.
She didn’t know why, but as soon as she opened the door to the first guest, she had experienced a sense of absolute certainty that he wasn’t going to come, and she had felt instantly deflated – and knocked off balance by the crushing disappointment she’d felt. After all, she had always known the chancesof him showing up were slim. But until that moment she hadn’t realised how much she had allowed the idea to take hold in her imagination. It was only when she was taking coats and exchanging small talk as she ushered in a group of her old school friends that the reality settled on her like the cold that still clung to them from outside, and she realised how fanciful she was being. Things like that didn’t happen in real life, to ordinary people like her.
‘Great party, Romy.’ She felt someone at her side and turned to find Derek Hanly standing beside her, a bottle of beer in his hand. Derek had been in her class at school. Tall and gangly, with an unkempt tangle of dark auburn hair and pale freckled skin, he still looked about twelve.
‘Hi, Derek,’ she smiled at him, shaking herself back to the present. ‘Glad you’re enjoying it.’ As she spoke, she saw Lesley in her peripheral vision, gesticulating at her wildly, alternating between pointing at Derek behind his back and waving her notebook.
Romy sighed. Even though she felt it was futile, she should probably go through the motions just to keep Lesley happy. ‘Were you at David’s party last year?’ she asked him.
‘Yeah, I was, but this one’s a lot more fun. All that crap with wearing masks.’
‘Hmm. What did you go as?’
Derek chuckled and took a sip of his beer before answering. ‘Darth Vader,’ he said, grinning at her. ‘Yeah, really shot myself in the foot with that one … bloody helmet …’
Romy was aware that he was still speaking, but she had no idea what he was saying. It was as if the room and everything in it had faded into the background and all she could hear was the beat of her heart and the rush of blood in her veins.
‘Romy?’ He
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