but I wasn’t completely innocent. I had two close friends who’d already lost their virginity, and they filled me in on the basic details of the male anatomy.
I’d never seen an actual penis, but I knew what boys did. I understood from Blaze’s frantic motions under the covers that he was probably jerking off when I walked in. I just didn’t want to think about it because it was Blaze.
“Make yourself comfortable,” he joked.
“Sorry, I just can’t stand listening to them. Will you talk to me until they tire themselves out and go to sleep?”
“Sure, what do you want to talk about?”
“Hmmm. Well, at my last sleep over we talked about boys we liked.”
“Not applicable.”
“And we played truth or dare.”
“I’m not playing truth or dare, Jess. Do I look like a teenage girl to you?”
Blaze was a few months older than me and in the same grade, and there was nothing girlie about him. Last year he’d shot up to six feet tall, and he was still growing. And every time we went swimming, I couldn’t help but stare at the smattering of hair on his chest and the trail between his bellybutton and the top of his bathing suit.
He was a natural athlete—on the football and basketball teams for as long as I could remember—so he had broad shoulders and thick, muscular arms.
All my friends had crushes on him, but to me he was just Blaze. The guy my who lived in the house we’d all moved into when my mom married my stepfather three years ago. And the only normal, sane person in the house besides me.
“Fine,” he said. “But I get to ask you first. Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” I answered.
He was quiet for a moment. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”
“Yes. Billy Chives in the back seat of the bus when we were on a class trip in fifth grade. And it was wet and gross.”
“That doesn’t count! I mean…a real kiss. With a guy who’s been through puberty.”
“That’s all I’ve got. I guess I’m still waiting for the right guy. Now your turn. Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” he said.
“I dare you to take off all your clothes underneath the covers. So you’re totally naked!”
“I’m already naked, Jess. I sleep au naturale. Don’t you know that?”
“Ew, you’re naked under there? Like, no underwear or anything ?”
“Totally commando. And I’ll have you know that Sophia Marcel has seen me naked, and she can verify that there’s nothing gross about me at all. In fact, I think she used the word ‘hung.’”
“Sophia Marcel saw you naked? When?”
“When we had sex at her house. Her parents aren’t home on Wednesdays, so I come over…and well, come over.”
“Wow. So I guess if you pick truth when it’s your turn, I won’t waste my question asking if you’re a virgin.”
“Yeah, that ship has sailed. Twenty eight times to be exact.”
“Twenty eight times?!”
“With Sophia, duh. Not twenty eight different girls. I don’t have that much game.”
I laughed, then grew quiet. “What does it feel like to have sex?”
“It’s the most amazing feeling in the world, Jess. It’s like…wow…it’s impossible to describe. You have to feel it for yourself to understand, but it’s...it’s awesome.”
I folded my hands on my stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “I’ve always wondered what a…nevermind.”
“What?”
“What a guy’s…you know, private parts look like.”
“You mean a dick?”
“Yeah. I’ve never seen one, and some of my friends have, so I just wonder, that’s all.”
Blaze was quiet for a long time, and I tried not to think about how hot and swollen my own parts had started to feel, and the odd wet sensation blossoming between my legs.
There’d been times when I was alone that I’d feel around down there and stroke myself with my fingers, and it always felt good. But this was the first time I’d ever felt so…awake down there.
We laid in comfortable silence,
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