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Authors: D. H. Sidebottom
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down as tranquillity spread through my veins and then up into my brain.
I placed everything back, making sure to secure the bag
properly before I went back down, kicked up the tunes and started the formula
for apple danishes.
Within an hour, I was slurping hot coffee, nibbling on
warm pastry and singing along to Theory of a Deadman’s, Hate my life .
I stared at my phone when it rang again. Toby had been
ringing for the last thirty minutes but I had ignored each one. I couldn’t be
dealing with him yet, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about him now that I had
sobered. I couldn’t pass off the shame I felt at letting him take me to the
loo.
I was angry for once more relying on someone else to help
me. I hated it. I knew it was time to move out of Carrie’s now I was strong
enough. I needed the comfort of my cottage now.
It had been Carrie’s idea for me to move in with her
whilst she cared for me when I couldn’t rest with Mason’s attempts to contact
me. He had always had the knack of banging on my door when Carrie wasn’t there,
leaving me to call Nate time after time to come and fetch him from my doorstep
when I had refused to even open the door to him.
I placed my cup in the sink then closed my eyes when I
heard the front door open. I didn’t know how to look at her, knowing all I
would see was her face attached to my husband’s. I knew it wasn’t her fault,
she had no idea who he was, but it still hurt. The thought that Mason desired
my friend was the most painful thing ever, especially knowing that my body
would now repulse him. Something he had once idolised and revered would now sicken
and nauseate.
“Ava?” Carrie shouted.
I blew out a breath to steady myself before I turned.
The room swam and my heart crushed against my ribs when I
realised she’d brought Mason home to have sex.
Oh dear god.
I spun back round quickly, my fingers clawing at the
worktop as a pain ripped through my stomach and up into my chest.
I needed to hide from him.
I needed to run.
I moved across the kitchen quickly and yanked open the
back door. The warm night air hit my face when three little words froze every
single muscle in my body and battered my soul.
“Oh - dear - God,” Mason gasped in shock.
Everything crumbled around me when I caught the disgust
and shock in his voice. I covered my baldness with my hands and brought my
elbows in front of my chest.
“Get him out of here!” I cried, not daring to turn and
see the horror as well as hear it. “Please.”
“You fucking…” I heard Carrie sigh.
“Ava…”
I shook my head and ran.
***
I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered as I dropped
onto the park bench. My tears refused to stop.
‘Oh – dear – God’
‘Oh – dear – God’
I turned and hung over the arm rest of the bench and
vomited onto the floor.
“Got anything?” A male voice slurred and I turned to find
some pathetic random teenager staring at me threateningly. He chuckled when he
noticed my lack of hair. “Love the look, babe. You ill?”
“Not ill enough for you to try anything.”
He smirked at me, “Now see, little woman. I’ll ask once
more and then I won’t be so nice about it, you got anything?”
I sighed as the bubble popped in the pit of my stomach then
I smiled. I hadn’t felt it for so long, the rage, the fury and to be honest it
was exactly what I needed right then. I studied the scrote. He was around 5’ 8”,
scrawny and pale, obviously a junkie. He wasn’t anything I should worry about,
even in my weakened state.
I smiled at him. He didn’t smile back as he reached for
me. He definitely didn’t smile when he found his face pinned to the bench, his
arm snapped behind his back and my knee in the base of his spine immobilising
him. “Now I’ll ask you, you got anything?”
“Shit,” he hissed. “Get the fuck off me you mad bitch.”
I rummaged through his pockets with my spare hand and
found a small bag of snow.
I placed everything back, making sure to secure the bag
properly before I went back down, kicked up the tunes and started the formula
for apple danishes.
Within an hour, I was slurping hot coffee, nibbling on
warm pastry and singing along to Theory of a Deadman’s, Hate my life .
I stared at my phone when it rang again. Toby had been
ringing for the last thirty minutes but I had ignored each one. I couldn’t be
dealing with him yet, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about him now that I had
sobered. I couldn’t pass off the shame I felt at letting him take me to the
loo.
I was angry for once more relying on someone else to help
me. I hated it. I knew it was time to move out of Carrie’s now I was strong
enough. I needed the comfort of my cottage now.
It had been Carrie’s idea for me to move in with her
whilst she cared for me when I couldn’t rest with Mason’s attempts to contact
me. He had always had the knack of banging on my door when Carrie wasn’t there,
leaving me to call Nate time after time to come and fetch him from my doorstep
when I had refused to even open the door to him.
I placed my cup in the sink then closed my eyes when I
heard the front door open. I didn’t know how to look at her, knowing all I
would see was her face attached to my husband’s. I knew it wasn’t her fault,
she had no idea who he was, but it still hurt. The thought that Mason desired
my friend was the most painful thing ever, especially knowing that my body
would now repulse him. Something he had once idolised and revered would now sicken
and nauseate.
“Ava?” Carrie shouted.
I blew out a breath to steady myself before I turned.
The room swam and my heart crushed against my ribs when I
realised she’d brought Mason home to have sex.
Oh dear god.
I spun back round quickly, my fingers clawing at the
worktop as a pain ripped through my stomach and up into my chest.
I needed to hide from him.
I needed to run.
I moved across the kitchen quickly and yanked open the
back door. The warm night air hit my face when three little words froze every
single muscle in my body and battered my soul.
“Oh - dear - God,” Mason gasped in shock.
Everything crumbled around me when I caught the disgust
and shock in his voice. I covered my baldness with my hands and brought my
elbows in front of my chest.
“Get him out of here!” I cried, not daring to turn and
see the horror as well as hear it. “Please.”
“You fucking…” I heard Carrie sigh.
“Ava…”
I shook my head and ran.
***
I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered as I dropped
onto the park bench. My tears refused to stop.
‘Oh – dear – God’
‘Oh – dear – God’
I turned and hung over the arm rest of the bench and
vomited onto the floor.
“Got anything?” A male voice slurred and I turned to find
some pathetic random teenager staring at me threateningly. He chuckled when he
noticed my lack of hair. “Love the look, babe. You ill?”
“Not ill enough for you to try anything.”
He smirked at me, “Now see, little woman. I’ll ask once
more and then I won’t be so nice about it, you got anything?”
I sighed as the bubble popped in the pit of my stomach then
I smiled. I hadn’t felt it for so long, the rage, the fury and to be honest it
was exactly what I needed right then. I studied the scrote. He was around 5’ 8”,
scrawny and pale, obviously a junkie. He wasn’t anything I should worry about,
even in my weakened state.
I smiled at him. He didn’t smile back as he reached for
me. He definitely didn’t smile when he found his face pinned to the bench, his
arm snapped behind his back and my knee in the base of his spine immobilising
him. “Now I’ll ask you, you got anything?”
“Shit,” he hissed. “Get the fuck off me you mad bitch.”
I rummaged through his pockets with my spare hand and
found a small bag of snow.
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