Read Online Forced Out of the Darkness by G. Wayne Jackson Jr - Free Book Online Page A

powerful one. Though the preacher did not yell and scream,
Cameron was touched by the word as it came forth.
                “You have
to make sure that you guard your heart and your desires. Become one with God
and you will be able to synchronize your desires with those of the Father. God
wishes that you prosper and be in good health. Being in a bad relationship is
not prosperous and it is not being in good health. Someone needs to hear that
they have to get back in tune with their inner man and stop ignoring the signs
that you have been given. Your desires are not lining up with God’s and this
path is only leading to destruction.”
    As he preached, Cameron
felt the message. He wanted to be one with God but did not know how to
synchronize his desires with God’s.
    Cameron prayed and
fasted many days and nights. He gave up drinking and partying to get a closer
walk with God. He wanted peace in his life and not conflict. He just wanted to
live life and leave a legacy of work on earth at the end of his days. He never
felt that he was perverted or demon possessed. He sometimes found himself mad
at God for not honoring his prayers. He prayed to be released from these
non-affirming same sex feelings but nothing he did changed his attractions. He
did know his mistakes were not done with ill intentions but was done with a
pure heart and he strived to be better each day.
    After the sermon, Cameron
went down for prayer and was feeling empowered after alter call was over. He
knew that he would be able to get through this week. Cameron prayed and asked
God to reveal things to him that were being hidden in the darkness, reveal
those people who were close to him or those that wanted to be close to him. He
was even encouraged to come back next week because today he was not beaten down
by mean spirited man-ology presented as theology. That is what he called
doctrine that was created by man to beat down the sin of the month. “Thank God
this was not the week for that foolishness.” Cameron exhaled as he pulled out
of the parking lot headed to J. Alexander to meet up with Shaine.
    “How was your service?”
Cameron asked Monti.
    “It was good and spirit
filled.”
    “What church do you go
to again?”
    “One day I will take
you with me. Are we still on for tonight?” Monti eluded the question.
    “Wow, did you just blow
me off?”
    “No, I am just excited
to be able to see you tonight. We are still on for tonight, right?”
    “Humm.” Cameron thought,
“there’s something strange about this guy.”
    Monti was also conflicted.
He wanted true love in his life and wanted to go into the relationship with a
clean conscious. He didn’t want to have to look over his shoulder and wonder
when his past would come to haunt him. Not only had he been hurt by others, he
had also hurt others. Fear crippled him and deception continued to eat at his
soul. Monti was one of those men that gave the allusion that he was a straight
man, because he was not comfortable in his own skin.
    He was all about
keeping up appearances. He was deathly afraid of being vulnerable to others. He
was vulnerable when he went to talk to his father about the feelings he was
having. He was vulnerable when he talked to that boy in the high school locker
room and told him he liked him and wanted to spend some time hanging out. He
was vulnerable when he told his wife “for better, for worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” But vulnerability
did nothing but bring hurt and pain to Monti. He was not going to let this wall
come down anytime soon. He was comfortable living an ambiguous life; but there
was a spot deep in the recesses of his soul that wanted the light to shine in
the darkness of his soul and liberate him from his inner prison.
    “Yes, Monti, we are
still on for tonight. I am pulling up to the restaurant to meet my best friend.
I am going to stop at the store before I go home. I will be waiting for