“Don’t worry. It’s still a drama-free zone. It’s not like I’m going to move in with you.”
Ellie rubbed his back, feeling the muscles and tension there. Her throat closed as she finally found the words she had to say. “You were so close. You were out. Two months and you were out.” She blinked back tears and choked backthe scream that wanted to tear from her chest. “Why would you stay? If you could get out, why would you stay?”
He looked up at her and she was startled at the tears she saw in his eyes. His mouth twitched, fighting for control, and when he spoke his voice was a hoarse whisper. “You’ve got to promise me. Promise me you won’t say anything. To anyone, not even Bing. Especially not Bing, that fucking nutcase.”
“I promise.” Ellie’s stomach cramped and the words were just air. She wasn’t sure she was ready for one more surprise today. Guy pulled in a ragged breath.
“I’m contaminated.”
“What?”
He dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed his face hard.
“Are you sure? How did it happen? You guys are on all those meds.”
“Nobody’s sure. Not yet.” He took her hand in his. “But there are signs, you know? Fletcher and Porter, they’re both showing more than me. They signed yesterday. You got to swear you’re not going to tell anybody, anybody, because if word gets out…”
“Geez, Guy, they’re going to know. You think you’re going to keep it a secret?”
“For now, yeah, I’ve got to.” He squeezed her hand tight between his own. “Ellie, you’ve got to listen to me. Nobody can know this. I don’t have a med check for two weeks, and if they even think I’m contaminated, I lose everything. I’m in here forever, and I’ve got nothing.”
“They won’t kick you out of the army.” She turned his face up to look at her. “There are tons of contaminated soldiers here, all the first responders, everybody.”
“Yeah, and they got shit to show for it. They got no choice, no hazard pay, nothing. They get their army pay and that’s it. It’s no different from any other fucking job in here. If I can sign with Feno, the money goes in the bank. I got a contract for two years. My family doesn’t have to know, nobody at home has to know.”
“Why don’t you want your family to know?”
“That I’m stained?” He couldn’t catch the word before he said it and saw the insult hit home with Ellie. Stained was the outside term for the contaminated, with all the unclean implications that came with it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that. I don’t want them to worry. You know, my mom, she’s not doing so well, and if she thinks I’m sick…This way Mary Catherine can use the money to pay Tommy’s tuition and nobody has to worry.”
Ellie wrapped her fingers up in his. “Have you told them you’re staying?”
“Yeah. They were pissed. My mom told me to stop being a stupid fucking hero.”
“Your mom said fucking?”
“Like I said, she was pissed.” Guy let out a deep breath and his body relaxed. Ellie freed her hands from his and swung herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her bare legs around his waist. He put his head down on her shoulder and let her hold him, and when he spoke, his lips brushed her throat.
“What are those flowers called?”
“Which ones?” Ellie asked, breathing in the smell of his hair.
“The ones in the funeral bouquets, that everyone smells like. Some kind of lily.”
“Stargazers.”
Guy sighed. “It’s a pretty name for such a stinking flower. I guess I’m going to have to get used to a whole new set of meds now. Can’t be that bad, right? They don’t seem to bother you much.”
“No, they don’t bother me much.” Ellie rubbed his back. “But then I’m tough. You’re kind of a pussy.”
He laughed and wrapped his arms around her more tightly. “Is that right? I guess I’ll have to man up a little bit.”
“I guess you will.” She leaned back and
Ellie rubbed his back, feeling the muscles and tension there. Her throat closed as she finally found the words she had to say. “You were so close. You were out. Two months and you were out.” She blinked back tears and choked backthe scream that wanted to tear from her chest. “Why would you stay? If you could get out, why would you stay?”
He looked up at her and she was startled at the tears she saw in his eyes. His mouth twitched, fighting for control, and when he spoke his voice was a hoarse whisper. “You’ve got to promise me. Promise me you won’t say anything. To anyone, not even Bing. Especially not Bing, that fucking nutcase.”
“I promise.” Ellie’s stomach cramped and the words were just air. She wasn’t sure she was ready for one more surprise today. Guy pulled in a ragged breath.
“I’m contaminated.”
“What?”
He dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed his face hard.
“Are you sure? How did it happen? You guys are on all those meds.”
“Nobody’s sure. Not yet.” He took her hand in his. “But there are signs, you know? Fletcher and Porter, they’re both showing more than me. They signed yesterday. You got to swear you’re not going to tell anybody, anybody, because if word gets out…”
“Geez, Guy, they’re going to know. You think you’re going to keep it a secret?”
“For now, yeah, I’ve got to.” He squeezed her hand tight between his own. “Ellie, you’ve got to listen to me. Nobody can know this. I don’t have a med check for two weeks, and if they even think I’m contaminated, I lose everything. I’m in here forever, and I’ve got nothing.”
“They won’t kick you out of the army.” She turned his face up to look at her. “There are tons of contaminated soldiers here, all the first responders, everybody.”
“Yeah, and they got shit to show for it. They got no choice, no hazard pay, nothing. They get their army pay and that’s it. It’s no different from any other fucking job in here. If I can sign with Feno, the money goes in the bank. I got a contract for two years. My family doesn’t have to know, nobody at home has to know.”
“Why don’t you want your family to know?”
“That I’m stained?” He couldn’t catch the word before he said it and saw the insult hit home with Ellie. Stained was the outside term for the contaminated, with all the unclean implications that came with it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that. I don’t want them to worry. You know, my mom, she’s not doing so well, and if she thinks I’m sick…This way Mary Catherine can use the money to pay Tommy’s tuition and nobody has to worry.”
Ellie wrapped her fingers up in his. “Have you told them you’re staying?”
“Yeah. They were pissed. My mom told me to stop being a stupid fucking hero.”
“Your mom said fucking?”
“Like I said, she was pissed.” Guy let out a deep breath and his body relaxed. Ellie freed her hands from his and swung herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her bare legs around his waist. He put his head down on her shoulder and let her hold him, and when he spoke, his lips brushed her throat.
“What are those flowers called?”
“Which ones?” Ellie asked, breathing in the smell of his hair.
“The ones in the funeral bouquets, that everyone smells like. Some kind of lily.”
“Stargazers.”
Guy sighed. “It’s a pretty name for such a stinking flower. I guess I’m going to have to get used to a whole new set of meds now. Can’t be that bad, right? They don’t seem to bother you much.”
“No, they don’t bother me much.” Ellie rubbed his back. “But then I’m tough. You’re kind of a pussy.”
He laughed and wrapped his arms around her more tightly. “Is that right? I guess I’ll have to man up a little bit.”
“I guess you will.” She leaned back and
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