disgusting!"
"I know, keep going!" He finished his paint job (if you could call it that) and reached for a stack of cheese slices that I used to top the cheeseburgers. He put one or two on top of his head and then put a burger bun that he'd added mayo and mustard to on top of that. "Now you," he said. The race was on to make myself into the grossest food nightmare ever seen on the Colony.
I tried to outdo him but once he saw what I was up to, Riley went back and started adding to his own hamburger. I ended up dabbing long streaks of mayonnaise and mustard to my face, Indian-warpaint-style, topping my 'burger' with tomatoes and lettuce and using the ketchup bottle to paint a nice big smiley-face on my shirt. Soon we were ready for display.
I let Riley do the talking when we went back out to the front where a couple of customers were waiting. An older white lady was waiting to buy a cold drink and started laughing as soon as she saw us. "What on earth is going on?" she asked.
"It's a new promotion from Jeb," he said. "He wants us to dress like our food."
"Exactly," I added. "He thinks it'll bring us more business." She laughed, bought her drink and left. Before long, a crowd started to gather to see what she was laughing about. We did end up getting a lot of business and not a few pictures taken by the Pacific Fisheries Admin Office for the next company newsletter. I still have a copy of it somewhere ... ' The Phoenix Burger Boys Really Get Into Their Work '.
The attention eventually attracted Jeb, who was so used to having little or no business that a crowd in front of the grill could only mean that we were up to something. He stormed up to the front of the grill and started to shout when Riley stopped him cold. He punched a button and the cash drawer flew open, giving Jeb a good view of the take we were bringing in.
"That was a good idea, Jeb," he said softly. Jeb stared at the money for a long minute and then back up at Riley. He turned around and walked away through the crowd without another word. For Riley, any attention was good attention and any time he could make Jeb look stupid, well, that was just the cherry on top.
I finally got fired after the streaking incident. I still don't know why I fell for this - Riley dared me to streak, run naked, on the Phoenix . We needed a tie breaker after running neck and neck for the most girls talked to and pranks pulled in a week. "I don't know anyone who has the guts," he declared after he suggested streaking to me. "But if anyone did, it'd be you, bro."
It was almost seven in the evening. The walking traffic was dying down and we'd be closed in 15 minutes. It was getting almost dark enough to turn the lights on. I had to run around the entire afterdeck and back again - maybe 20 yards total - to win. He'd already spent a couple hours trying to convince me but when he said he'd proclaim me winner and throw in fifty bucks, well, what can I say? I did make him show me the money, though ... I wasn't that stupid. I started getting ready.
"Go!" he shouted and I was off.
To keep me from getting caught, I found an old paper bag in the back and poked some eye holes in it. I must have broken the record for the 20 yard dash as I tore off. I was moving too quickly to hear any screams; I don't think anyone really noticed. I was coming around the other side and within 5 feet of the grill when I saw that the joke was on me. Riley had rolled down the steel doors we used to close the grill up tight at the end of the day.
I could only yell 'Oh-' before I slammed full speed into the metal roll-up doors. They crashed like cymbals and I fell to the deck. Riley was inside, laughing his head off. My paper bag came flying off and it was obvious who it was, if it wasn't before. I jumped up like a shot and started slapping the metal doors for Riley to let me inside.
Riley responded by flipping on the music we played to attract people ... I was doing the Full Monty to some Tejano music. I heard a
"I know, keep going!" He finished his paint job (if you could call it that) and reached for a stack of cheese slices that I used to top the cheeseburgers. He put one or two on top of his head and then put a burger bun that he'd added mayo and mustard to on top of that. "Now you," he said. The race was on to make myself into the grossest food nightmare ever seen on the Colony.
I tried to outdo him but once he saw what I was up to, Riley went back and started adding to his own hamburger. I ended up dabbing long streaks of mayonnaise and mustard to my face, Indian-warpaint-style, topping my 'burger' with tomatoes and lettuce and using the ketchup bottle to paint a nice big smiley-face on my shirt. Soon we were ready for display.
I let Riley do the talking when we went back out to the front where a couple of customers were waiting. An older white lady was waiting to buy a cold drink and started laughing as soon as she saw us. "What on earth is going on?" she asked.
"It's a new promotion from Jeb," he said. "He wants us to dress like our food."
"Exactly," I added. "He thinks it'll bring us more business." She laughed, bought her drink and left. Before long, a crowd started to gather to see what she was laughing about. We did end up getting a lot of business and not a few pictures taken by the Pacific Fisheries Admin Office for the next company newsletter. I still have a copy of it somewhere ... ' The Phoenix Burger Boys Really Get Into Their Work '.
The attention eventually attracted Jeb, who was so used to having little or no business that a crowd in front of the grill could only mean that we were up to something. He stormed up to the front of the grill and started to shout when Riley stopped him cold. He punched a button and the cash drawer flew open, giving Jeb a good view of the take we were bringing in.
"That was a good idea, Jeb," he said softly. Jeb stared at the money for a long minute and then back up at Riley. He turned around and walked away through the crowd without another word. For Riley, any attention was good attention and any time he could make Jeb look stupid, well, that was just the cherry on top.
I finally got fired after the streaking incident. I still don't know why I fell for this - Riley dared me to streak, run naked, on the Phoenix . We needed a tie breaker after running neck and neck for the most girls talked to and pranks pulled in a week. "I don't know anyone who has the guts," he declared after he suggested streaking to me. "But if anyone did, it'd be you, bro."
It was almost seven in the evening. The walking traffic was dying down and we'd be closed in 15 minutes. It was getting almost dark enough to turn the lights on. I had to run around the entire afterdeck and back again - maybe 20 yards total - to win. He'd already spent a couple hours trying to convince me but when he said he'd proclaim me winner and throw in fifty bucks, well, what can I say? I did make him show me the money, though ... I wasn't that stupid. I started getting ready.
"Go!" he shouted and I was off.
To keep me from getting caught, I found an old paper bag in the back and poked some eye holes in it. I must have broken the record for the 20 yard dash as I tore off. I was moving too quickly to hear any screams; I don't think anyone really noticed. I was coming around the other side and within 5 feet of the grill when I saw that the joke was on me. Riley had rolled down the steel doors we used to close the grill up tight at the end of the day.
I could only yell 'Oh-' before I slammed full speed into the metal roll-up doors. They crashed like cymbals and I fell to the deck. Riley was inside, laughing his head off. My paper bag came flying off and it was obvious who it was, if it wasn't before. I jumped up like a shot and started slapping the metal doors for Riley to let me inside.
Riley responded by flipping on the music we played to attract people ... I was doing the Full Monty to some Tejano music. I heard a
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