pretty fucking frightening, too. I ugly cried. I was the definition, of the ‘ugly cry’. There’s no other explanation for it: snot, puffy eyes, blotchy cheeks the works.
“Promise?” I asked in a small croaky voice.
Nodding solemnly, more serious than I’d ever seen him, he replied, “I promise, Sunshine. I’ll call when I’m settled and have a number where you can reach me. I’ll call you all the time then too, Sunshine.” Searching my face to ensure I believed him, I couldn’t bear look at him knowing this was the last time I probably ever would. All I could do was drop my eyes to the driveway and sniffle back my tears.
Tilting my chin, Nate regarded me for a minute before pulling me in for another hug. He didn’t say anything else, and neither did I. What could I say? Don’t go. Please don’t leave me; I tried all that already. Honestly, I was in no position to ask for anything from him, and certainly not any of those things. I was just a kid, and I also didn’t want to hold him back, it would be wrong to. No, I ultimately wouldn’t stop him from going. Nate deserved to go out and live a full life filled with great things and experiences. He deserved the opportunity to meet people that saw him for the wonderful, kind, caring man he’d grown into, despite his circumstances and horrible dad. Nate deserved everything good in life. Things he wouldn’t get here. Things I would only be keeping him from if I begged him to stay.
He let me go after a few minutes; hoisting himself up into the cab of his truck, he gave me a pain filled glance before closing the door, shutting himself inside the cab. Turning the engine over, he reversed into the street and pulled away. He never looked back. He didn’t wave. There were no brake lights off in the distance to signal he might have stopped and turned around to come back. Just an empty street, and me with an even emptier feeling in the pit of my stomach. That was the last I heard, or saw Nate for the next four years.
He never kept his promise to visit or call. He never sent a letter, a postcard. Nothing. I was unbelievably hurt at first, to the point it bordered on despair, later that hurt morphed into anger. I was angry that he lied to me, and broke his promises. Angry he’d forgotten about me, so easily. I was even angrier that I must have meant so little to him that he could ignore our friendship. I was just fucking ANGRY about everything.
Eventually, after about a year, I managed to reach a level of acceptance. Acceptance that he was probably busy living. That he’d undoubtedly met lots of interesting people, maybe even girls to date that were taking up his time now. That thought distressed me immensely, at first. I was possibly even a little jealous, okay, so I was a lot jealous, imagining all the girls that would get his time and attention. I knew I was only fifteen now but still; Nate was one of those boys that touched your heart and your soul. He was impossible to forget. Nate was also, more than likely, working a great deal. He loved what he did, and it showed. He put in extra hours at the mechanic shop here in town all the time, for no extra pay, just BECAUSE he loved it. Here at home, he used it as an escape, as an excuse not to have to go home. There, wherever he was now, I knew it was somewhere in Dallas, but Dallas was a big place so he would be like a needle in a haystack, he was probably enjoying the extra money the long hours would bring in. Being able to afford to buy himself nicer things than he’d ever been able to have while he was here was a luxury that he deserved.
Moving on with my own life eventually won out in the end. I didn’t have a choice in the grand scheme of things. Nate had, and I would just have to, too.
Carmella and I continued to be the best of friends, she was all I really had, not that, it was why we were best friends or anything. Verity became even more heinous, if that can be believed.
“Promise?” I asked in a small croaky voice.
Nodding solemnly, more serious than I’d ever seen him, he replied, “I promise, Sunshine. I’ll call when I’m settled and have a number where you can reach me. I’ll call you all the time then too, Sunshine.” Searching my face to ensure I believed him, I couldn’t bear look at him knowing this was the last time I probably ever would. All I could do was drop my eyes to the driveway and sniffle back my tears.
Tilting my chin, Nate regarded me for a minute before pulling me in for another hug. He didn’t say anything else, and neither did I. What could I say? Don’t go. Please don’t leave me; I tried all that already. Honestly, I was in no position to ask for anything from him, and certainly not any of those things. I was just a kid, and I also didn’t want to hold him back, it would be wrong to. No, I ultimately wouldn’t stop him from going. Nate deserved to go out and live a full life filled with great things and experiences. He deserved the opportunity to meet people that saw him for the wonderful, kind, caring man he’d grown into, despite his circumstances and horrible dad. Nate deserved everything good in life. Things he wouldn’t get here. Things I would only be keeping him from if I begged him to stay.
He let me go after a few minutes; hoisting himself up into the cab of his truck, he gave me a pain filled glance before closing the door, shutting himself inside the cab. Turning the engine over, he reversed into the street and pulled away. He never looked back. He didn’t wave. There were no brake lights off in the distance to signal he might have stopped and turned around to come back. Just an empty street, and me with an even emptier feeling in the pit of my stomach. That was the last I heard, or saw Nate for the next four years.
He never kept his promise to visit or call. He never sent a letter, a postcard. Nothing. I was unbelievably hurt at first, to the point it bordered on despair, later that hurt morphed into anger. I was angry that he lied to me, and broke his promises. Angry he’d forgotten about me, so easily. I was even angrier that I must have meant so little to him that he could ignore our friendship. I was just fucking ANGRY about everything.
Eventually, after about a year, I managed to reach a level of acceptance. Acceptance that he was probably busy living. That he’d undoubtedly met lots of interesting people, maybe even girls to date that were taking up his time now. That thought distressed me immensely, at first. I was possibly even a little jealous, okay, so I was a lot jealous, imagining all the girls that would get his time and attention. I knew I was only fifteen now but still; Nate was one of those boys that touched your heart and your soul. He was impossible to forget. Nate was also, more than likely, working a great deal. He loved what he did, and it showed. He put in extra hours at the mechanic shop here in town all the time, for no extra pay, just BECAUSE he loved it. Here at home, he used it as an escape, as an excuse not to have to go home. There, wherever he was now, I knew it was somewhere in Dallas, but Dallas was a big place so he would be like a needle in a haystack, he was probably enjoying the extra money the long hours would bring in. Being able to afford to buy himself nicer things than he’d ever been able to have while he was here was a luxury that he deserved.
Moving on with my own life eventually won out in the end. I didn’t have a choice in the grand scheme of things. Nate had, and I would just have to, too.
Carmella and I continued to be the best of friends, she was all I really had, not that, it was why we were best friends or anything. Verity became even more heinous, if that can be believed.
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