Read Online Flaw Less by Shana Burton - Free Book Online Page A

wrong?”
    â€œNo . . . not really.”
    â€œSo what’s the long face about?”
    Joan hesitated. “I have issues with some of the doctrines of the church.”
    â€œYou’re not an atheist, are you?”
    â€œOf course not!” scoffed Joan. “I know there’s a God, and I believe He loves me just as I am.”
    â€œI don’t know of any church or pastor who’ll disagree with that.”
    Joan folded her hands together. “Most churches don’t accept my lifestyle, Kina. I guess you could say I’m living in sin by some standards.”
    â€œHow so?”
    Joan took a deep breath. “I’m a lesbian, Kina.”
    Kina froze, stunned. “Oh . . . I didn’t know.” She gulped. “You seem so . . . heterosexual.”
    Joan laughed. “That’s the first time I’ve heard that one!”
    Kina smiled politely but didn’t say anything.
    â€œDoes my being gay make you uncomfortable?”
    â€œNo, I admit that it caught me off guard, though. I haven’t been around many gays.”
    â€œI’m sure you’ve been around more than you think,” quipped Joan.
    â€œDon’t you think being gay is a sin?”
    â€œI think there are lots of sins. If being gay is one, I don’t think it’s any worse than others in God’s eyes. I definitely don’t think I should be ostracized because of it.”
    Kina nodded slowly and blurted out, “How did you get like that? I mean, have you always been gay?”
    â€œI’ve always felt like I was different. I have sisters and female friends. I knew I didn’t feel the same way about men as they did. I was just always more attracted to women both physically and intellectually.”
    â€œSo you’ve never had a boyfriend?”
    â€œSure. Trust me—it wasn’t exactly acceptable to be gay when I was coming up. There was no Will & Grace or L Word to soften the blow. I had boyfriends, many of whom were gay themselves, but they knew their secret was safe with me and mine was with them.”
    Kina was intrigued. “So when did you, you know, come out? ”
    Joan thought back. “I was a freshman in college. By then, it was a lot more acceptable in society, and I think my family had their suspicions anyway. No one seemed overly shocked when I brought my girlfriend home for Christmas that year.”
    Kina chuckled. “I think telling my parents I was gay definitely would’ve gone over better than telling them I was pregnant when I was a senior in high school. Growing up in the church, I was always taught that homosexuality is an abomination. Then again, it can’t be any worse than what E’Bell did to me.”
    Joan stopped eating. “Who’s E’Bell?”
    â€œHe was my husband, the one who died. He was . . . um, he was abusive to me and my son Kenny. With Kenny, it was mostly verbal. With me, it was verbal and physical.”
    Joan put her hand on Kina’s. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
    â€œYeah, he could be a real monster when he wanted to,” recalled Kina with tears filling her eyes. “He was always so angry and blamed me for everything. Sometimes, he would even hit me in front of Kenny.” Kina closed her eyes. “I was afraid all the time. You never knew what would set him off. It was awful.”
    â€œKina, were you the one who . . .”
    Kina shook her head. “I didn’t kill him, Joan. One night, we were arguing because I’d decided to take Kenny and leave him for good. He went ballistic. I don’t even remember everything that went down. I just know that he beat me unconscious. When I woke up, E’Bell was on the ground bleeding, and my son was there with his father’s gun at his side.”
    â€œSo it was your son?”
    Kina nodded. “Kenny shot his father trying to protect me. To tell you the truth, I really think Kenny saved my life.