he too was leaning forward in his chair now, the clipboard with his illegible handwritten notes on it firmly in his hand.
“Everything I can think of and everything that’s been recommended to me,” Mack answered reluctantly.
“Porn? Penile pump? Viagra?” Jay rattled off the standard ‘visual stimulation, mechanical stimulation, chemical stimulation’ holy trinity and saw Mack nod every time.
“You’ve tried masturbating? Have you tried it with a partner?”
“Both,” Mack stated neutrally. He’d clearly gone through the checklist a few times before. “Nothing happens. Limp like spaghetti.” He chuckled to himself and Jay smiled too, knowing there was nothing to laugh about.
“Do you get morning erections?”
“Yes,” Mack admitted. “Not often and not very strong ones, but yes, I do and that’s why they feel I’m physically perfectly normal.”
“How long have you had this problem?”
“Always have,” Mack answered matter-of-factly.
Jay swallowed. This guy was a virgin? And an anorgasmic virgin at that. “Do you have sexual desire? It is possible you’re simply asexual. It’s not unheard of and although society these days sexualises everything, that doesn’t mean you need to.” He stopped when he realised he was rambling.
“I think if I didn’t have sexual desire, I’d have given up a long time ago, but I do. Even though I have no idea what it must be like, I do long for the whole picture. I’ve kissed and groped and cuddled with…
someone. I’ve even given blowjobs, but I’ve never…” Mack’s voice trailed off.
Jay caught himself smiling. Mack was looking away from him, so The Fine Line by Zahra Owens
6
he’d had the chance to study the man a little closer and despite his solemn promise to himself he’d never fall for his patients, this one was thunderbolt city. The firm handshake at the door had gone straight to his groin. The man had a chiselled chin and vibrant grey-blue-greenish eyes.
Jay didn’t need to see underneath his clothes to understand that this man took good care of his body. His slightly tight Gap polo shirt revealed a flat stomach and nicely shaped shoulders, pecs and arms. No, he couldn’t do this. No matter what happened, if his therapy cured the man or not, this was doomed to fail.
“How did your partner react when you couldn’t get an erection?” Jay asked, trying to ignore the fact the other man had just revealed quite naturally that he was gay.
“He wasn’t my partner, they never were really. As soon as they got their release they were out of there, and surprisingly few realised I hadn’t…”
“We’re not all like that, I assure you.” It was out of his mouth before he realised it. It wasn’t as if he ever hid the fact that he preferred men in his bed, but he rarely told his patients that. ‘A therapist’s private life and preferences are checked at the door,’ one of his favourite teachers used to tell him, and Jay had always lived by that.
“HOW did the sessions work, Mr. Ellis?” the court officer asked.
“Mr. MacAllister would come to see me twice a week, after work and on Saturdays, for an hour. The first few weeks we only talked about his experiences and his childhood, and I didn’t find anything unusual there. It all seemed quite ordinary. I didn’t see any reason to believe he’d been sexually abused. He’d never been raped or sexually harassed, so I decided that he could probably benefit from some relaxation therapy. At first he was nervous and I believe he found it hard to comply with my suggestions, but he did his homework and practiced and I could tell he was progressing quite well.”
The Fine Line by Zahra Owens
7
“How could you tell?”
“He used to fall asleep on my recliner.” Jay chuckled and he stole a quick look in Mack’s direction. His heart leapt when he saw that he too was smiling. “After the third time I had to wake him up, we were only half-way through the session, and I asked him
“Everything I can think of and everything that’s been recommended to me,” Mack answered reluctantly.
“Porn? Penile pump? Viagra?” Jay rattled off the standard ‘visual stimulation, mechanical stimulation, chemical stimulation’ holy trinity and saw Mack nod every time.
“You’ve tried masturbating? Have you tried it with a partner?”
“Both,” Mack stated neutrally. He’d clearly gone through the checklist a few times before. “Nothing happens. Limp like spaghetti.” He chuckled to himself and Jay smiled too, knowing there was nothing to laugh about.
“Do you get morning erections?”
“Yes,” Mack admitted. “Not often and not very strong ones, but yes, I do and that’s why they feel I’m physically perfectly normal.”
“How long have you had this problem?”
“Always have,” Mack answered matter-of-factly.
Jay swallowed. This guy was a virgin? And an anorgasmic virgin at that. “Do you have sexual desire? It is possible you’re simply asexual. It’s not unheard of and although society these days sexualises everything, that doesn’t mean you need to.” He stopped when he realised he was rambling.
“I think if I didn’t have sexual desire, I’d have given up a long time ago, but I do. Even though I have no idea what it must be like, I do long for the whole picture. I’ve kissed and groped and cuddled with…
someone. I’ve even given blowjobs, but I’ve never…” Mack’s voice trailed off.
Jay caught himself smiling. Mack was looking away from him, so The Fine Line by Zahra Owens
6
he’d had the chance to study the man a little closer and despite his solemn promise to himself he’d never fall for his patients, this one was thunderbolt city. The firm handshake at the door had gone straight to his groin. The man had a chiselled chin and vibrant grey-blue-greenish eyes.
Jay didn’t need to see underneath his clothes to understand that this man took good care of his body. His slightly tight Gap polo shirt revealed a flat stomach and nicely shaped shoulders, pecs and arms. No, he couldn’t do this. No matter what happened, if his therapy cured the man or not, this was doomed to fail.
“How did your partner react when you couldn’t get an erection?” Jay asked, trying to ignore the fact the other man had just revealed quite naturally that he was gay.
“He wasn’t my partner, they never were really. As soon as they got their release they were out of there, and surprisingly few realised I hadn’t…”
“We’re not all like that, I assure you.” It was out of his mouth before he realised it. It wasn’t as if he ever hid the fact that he preferred men in his bed, but he rarely told his patients that. ‘A therapist’s private life and preferences are checked at the door,’ one of his favourite teachers used to tell him, and Jay had always lived by that.
“HOW did the sessions work, Mr. Ellis?” the court officer asked.
“Mr. MacAllister would come to see me twice a week, after work and on Saturdays, for an hour. The first few weeks we only talked about his experiences and his childhood, and I didn’t find anything unusual there. It all seemed quite ordinary. I didn’t see any reason to believe he’d been sexually abused. He’d never been raped or sexually harassed, so I decided that he could probably benefit from some relaxation therapy. At first he was nervous and I believe he found it hard to comply with my suggestions, but he did his homework and practiced and I could tell he was progressing quite well.”
The Fine Line by Zahra Owens
7
“How could you tell?”
“He used to fall asleep on my recliner.” Jay chuckled and he stole a quick look in Mack’s direction. His heart leapt when he saw that he too was smiling. “After the third time I had to wake him up, we were only half-way through the session, and I asked him
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