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Book: Finding It: And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life by Valerie Bertinelli
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Authors: Valerie Bertinelli
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of the work I still had to do. I may have come out of hiding after losing 40 pounds, but I still had to figure out who that person was, and that didn’t change even when we had the kids.
Their most recent visit was one of the hardest, and best. It was their spring break, and for me the challenges began right away. Within a few hours, they had devoured all the food in the fridge and pantry, sending me off on the first of numerous trips to the grocery store, not a place someone who has made national news for losing weight wants to be seen two or three times a day.
I had trouble gauging how much food four teenagers and one ten-year-old boy consumed in a day. It was more than my three Jenny meals and two snacks, that’s for sure. Yet I also found my frequent trips to the supermarket a convenient and comforting escape from Tom and his kids as they reconnected, which could benoisy. I wondered if I was still using food to deal with stress even though I wasn’t eating it. But I returned home without having given in to temptation.
Then one night Andie engaged Tom in an emotional talk about his divorce. She didn’t understand his side of the split. She didn’t think that he had gone through any hard times or suffered any pain. From what I observed, it seemed as if she thought that he had waltzed straight into my life. She seemed to want an apology or perhaps an explanation from him.
They ended up having a heartfelt, honest talk. She had forgotten the difficulties that Tom had gone through, how he had been sleeping on a friend’s floor when I met him. She didn’t know that he had considered himself a failure. Tom told her as much as she could handle, calling it the lowest part of his life. His had been a painful passage that many divorced parents know well.
I stayed out of it, but in spite of their tear-filled, painful back and forth, it was nice to see them connect. Bertinellis keep everything inside and stew in private. If it had been me, I would have buried my head in a pot of marinara sauce. Indeed, even though I was only an observer, I still felt like doing something similar. But I didn’t—and that fact was a healthy break from old bad habits.
The next day was better. The kids’ friends came over and Tom’s sister, Angela, came out from Ohio, her trip having been arranged months earlier. The timing was perfect. She was almost eleven years older than Tom. The kids love her. And I felt like I had a partner. She amused the children with stories of having changed Tom’s diapers when he was a baby, and she reminded them of the excellent father they had forgotten. All of them shared some beautiful memories.
I had wanted to strangle them three days earlier. Now I toldthem that they were adorable and hugged them before they went to bed. I realized that all of us, at our various ages, were trying to get to know ourselves better. We weren’t necessarily lovable all the time, but we definitely had our moments.
As always, the best days of their visit came at the end. By this time, everyone had gotten used to one another, found their comfort zone in the house, relaxed, and figured out how to stay in touch with friends back home. Wolfie and Tony took the girls with them on errands. They hung out at the pool, went to the beach, listened to music, and swapped songs on their iPods. It was as if the entire house had exhaled.
After dinner, the kids got up at the same time to play Wolfie’s Wii. Without being told, each one of them cleared their plates from the table, thanked me for dinner, and disappeared into the living room, leaving Tom and me alone in the kitchen. I couldn’t believe it.
“Whoa,” I said. “What just happened?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But let’s not say anything in case we ruin it.”
Later that night, Tom and I were still in the living room, talking with his sister about the kids, who had gone off to their rooms and were either sleeping or watching TV. I wanted to go to bed but was too
Their most recent visit was one of the hardest, and best. It was their spring break, and for me the challenges began right away. Within a few hours, they had devoured all the food in the fridge and pantry, sending me off on the first of numerous trips to the grocery store, not a place someone who has made national news for losing weight wants to be seen two or three times a day.
I had trouble gauging how much food four teenagers and one ten-year-old boy consumed in a day. It was more than my three Jenny meals and two snacks, that’s for sure. Yet I also found my frequent trips to the supermarket a convenient and comforting escape from Tom and his kids as they reconnected, which could benoisy. I wondered if I was still using food to deal with stress even though I wasn’t eating it. But I returned home without having given in to temptation.
Then one night Andie engaged Tom in an emotional talk about his divorce. She didn’t understand his side of the split. She didn’t think that he had gone through any hard times or suffered any pain. From what I observed, it seemed as if she thought that he had waltzed straight into my life. She seemed to want an apology or perhaps an explanation from him.
They ended up having a heartfelt, honest talk. She had forgotten the difficulties that Tom had gone through, how he had been sleeping on a friend’s floor when I met him. She didn’t know that he had considered himself a failure. Tom told her as much as she could handle, calling it the lowest part of his life. His had been a painful passage that many divorced parents know well.
I stayed out of it, but in spite of their tear-filled, painful back and forth, it was nice to see them connect. Bertinellis keep everything inside and stew in private. If it had been me, I would have buried my head in a pot of marinara sauce. Indeed, even though I was only an observer, I still felt like doing something similar. But I didn’t—and that fact was a healthy break from old bad habits.
The next day was better. The kids’ friends came over and Tom’s sister, Angela, came out from Ohio, her trip having been arranged months earlier. The timing was perfect. She was almost eleven years older than Tom. The kids love her. And I felt like I had a partner. She amused the children with stories of having changed Tom’s diapers when he was a baby, and she reminded them of the excellent father they had forgotten. All of them shared some beautiful memories.
I had wanted to strangle them three days earlier. Now I toldthem that they were adorable and hugged them before they went to bed. I realized that all of us, at our various ages, were trying to get to know ourselves better. We weren’t necessarily lovable all the time, but we definitely had our moments.
As always, the best days of their visit came at the end. By this time, everyone had gotten used to one another, found their comfort zone in the house, relaxed, and figured out how to stay in touch with friends back home. Wolfie and Tony took the girls with them on errands. They hung out at the pool, went to the beach, listened to music, and swapped songs on their iPods. It was as if the entire house had exhaled.
After dinner, the kids got up at the same time to play Wolfie’s Wii. Without being told, each one of them cleared their plates from the table, thanked me for dinner, and disappeared into the living room, leaving Tom and me alone in the kitchen. I couldn’t believe it.
“Whoa,” I said. “What just happened?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But let’s not say anything in case we ruin it.”
Later that night, Tom and I were still in the living room, talking with his sister about the kids, who had gone off to their rooms and were either sleeping or watching TV. I wanted to go to bed but was too
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