Read Online Finding Home by Megan Nugen Isbell - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Megan Nugen Isbell
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side by side.
“I get it, Mandy, and all I can say is I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be mad at me though. I can’t have you mad at me.” I glanced over to him and saw his throat bob as he swallowed hard and then he stared into my eyes, looking almost desperate. “Since I’ve been home,” he began and I could hear the nerves in his voice, but he never stopped looking at me. “You’re the only person I feel comfortable around and you can’t be mad me. You can’t.”
There was a weakness in his eyes I’d never seen before. Growing up, I’d often wondered if Brandon had an ounce of emotion in his body. He could never take anything seriously and he was constantly making fun of people, myself included. I didn’t think anything ever bothered him. But now, I could see that wasn’t true. Maybe it used to be, but it wasn’t true anymore. He looked scared and lonely and I hated seeing him like that, knowing his fear had been festering since last night. I took my hand and moved it slowly towards his, hesitating for a moment until I rested mine on top of his. I watched as his eyes closed and he looked like he was in pain.
“I’m not mad at you,” I said gently and I hoped he could hear the sincerity in my voice. I wasn’t mad. I’m not sure I’d ever been mad. I’d been frustrated, but thinking about it, I don’t think I was mad and I wanted him to know I’d forgiven him. “I overreacted and I’m sorry I upset you.” I squeezed his hand and he opened his eyes, a little smile on his face. “And um…it means a lot to me…that…that you’re comfortable with me,” I stuttered. “I’m here for anything you need, you know that, right? You’re not alone, Brandon.” He just nodded and when I looked into his eyes again, I thought they looked a little moist, like he was trying to hold back tears. I didn’t get a good look though because he suddenly had his arms around me. I was almost lost in his tall frame as he held me tightly and then I felt his chest shake a little, like he was crying. Brandon, the eternal joker, was falling apart in my arms and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to get it right though. I couldn’t blow this because he needed someone to help him and if he’d chosen me to be his person, I couldn’t risk him pushing me away.
“Look at me,” he mumbled a few moments later, pulling away from me and sitting down on a stool as if he were giving up. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, turning away so I couldn’t see him crying. “Goddamn pussy is what I am.” He sounded angry with himself and I put my hand carefully on his arm, turning him to me cautiously. He was rigid at first, but I continued to pull at him and eventually he faced me, his cheeks wet and his eyes red. He turned his head from me, but I put my finger under his chin, encouraging him to look at me.
“Don’t you say that. Don’t you dare say that,” I said insistently. “You’re the bravest person I know, Brandon Seaver. You almost died. You almost lost your life for me and everyone else in this country. You didn’t hesitate to serve and I’m so proud of you.” I could feel the tears in my eyes now and when I blinked, they fell silently down my face. “I never want to hear you say anything like that about yourself again. Do you understand?” He continued to look into my eyes and he nodded slowly. “I love you, Brandon. We all love you.” I reached down to the counter and picked up a napkin, gently dabbing at the tears on his cheeks. I was short and Brandon was tall, but when he sat on the stool, we were eye to eye and I never looked away from his eyes, which didn’t look as scared as they had a few minutes before. I set the napkin down and I found my fingers brushing over the stubble on his cheek as I smiled at him, hoping he would see everything was going to be okay. He closed his eyes again and I found myself
“I get it, Mandy, and all I can say is I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be mad at me though. I can’t have you mad at me.” I glanced over to him and saw his throat bob as he swallowed hard and then he stared into my eyes, looking almost desperate. “Since I’ve been home,” he began and I could hear the nerves in his voice, but he never stopped looking at me. “You’re the only person I feel comfortable around and you can’t be mad me. You can’t.”
There was a weakness in his eyes I’d never seen before. Growing up, I’d often wondered if Brandon had an ounce of emotion in his body. He could never take anything seriously and he was constantly making fun of people, myself included. I didn’t think anything ever bothered him. But now, I could see that wasn’t true. Maybe it used to be, but it wasn’t true anymore. He looked scared and lonely and I hated seeing him like that, knowing his fear had been festering since last night. I took my hand and moved it slowly towards his, hesitating for a moment until I rested mine on top of his. I watched as his eyes closed and he looked like he was in pain.
“I’m not mad at you,” I said gently and I hoped he could hear the sincerity in my voice. I wasn’t mad. I’m not sure I’d ever been mad. I’d been frustrated, but thinking about it, I don’t think I was mad and I wanted him to know I’d forgiven him. “I overreacted and I’m sorry I upset you.” I squeezed his hand and he opened his eyes, a little smile on his face. “And um…it means a lot to me…that…that you’re comfortable with me,” I stuttered. “I’m here for anything you need, you know that, right? You’re not alone, Brandon.” He just nodded and when I looked into his eyes again, I thought they looked a little moist, like he was trying to hold back tears. I didn’t get a good look though because he suddenly had his arms around me. I was almost lost in his tall frame as he held me tightly and then I felt his chest shake a little, like he was crying. Brandon, the eternal joker, was falling apart in my arms and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to get it right though. I couldn’t blow this because he needed someone to help him and if he’d chosen me to be his person, I couldn’t risk him pushing me away.
“Look at me,” he mumbled a few moments later, pulling away from me and sitting down on a stool as if he were giving up. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, turning away so I couldn’t see him crying. “Goddamn pussy is what I am.” He sounded angry with himself and I put my hand carefully on his arm, turning him to me cautiously. He was rigid at first, but I continued to pull at him and eventually he faced me, his cheeks wet and his eyes red. He turned his head from me, but I put my finger under his chin, encouraging him to look at me.
“Don’t you say that. Don’t you dare say that,” I said insistently. “You’re the bravest person I know, Brandon Seaver. You almost died. You almost lost your life for me and everyone else in this country. You didn’t hesitate to serve and I’m so proud of you.” I could feel the tears in my eyes now and when I blinked, they fell silently down my face. “I never want to hear you say anything like that about yourself again. Do you understand?” He continued to look into my eyes and he nodded slowly. “I love you, Brandon. We all love you.” I reached down to the counter and picked up a napkin, gently dabbing at the tears on his cheeks. I was short and Brandon was tall, but when he sat on the stool, we were eye to eye and I never looked away from his eyes, which didn’t look as scared as they had a few minutes before. I set the napkin down and I found my fingers brushing over the stubble on his cheek as I smiled at him, hoping he would see everything was going to be okay. He closed his eyes again and I found myself
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