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Authors: Lacey Weatherford
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had been a week, and I didn’t know how much longer I could manage to avoid her. I’d thrown myself into football practice with a vengeance. Matt never made any attempt to egg me on, other than to give me vicious looking stares. Part of the reason may have been there were strict no tolerance policies regarding fighting amongst team players. If we did it, we risked getting kicked off the team, but whatever, Matt wasn’t my problem.
I’d gone home for the weekend and moped around, spending a good chunk of time sitting by Nikki’s grave while I tried to decipher the crazy dream I’d had about her and Brittney. I didn’t dream of her often, and when I did , it was usually some sort of nightmare involving her car accident. But even those dreams had faded after a few months. I’d never had a dream like this before.
While I wasn’t sure I believed in messages from beyond the grave, this dream had certainly seemed to carry one. It had opened my eyes to something I’d refused to acknowledge . . . something I was still having difficulty acknowledging.
It wasn’t possible for me to have feelings for Brittney. My heart wasn’t in my chest anymore. It was buried in a grave next to the girl I loved, and I didn’t need anyone else in my life. I’d had my chance at real love and was content to live with the memory of it forever. The few months we’d been together had filled me with enough warmth to last a lifetime.
Sure, I felt like the sun would never shine again, but knowing I’d held its heat for one brief moment made it worth it. I knew if I had the chance to live it all over again—knowing what the outcome would be and the pain I would suffer—I’d do it in a heartbeat. Only this time I’d make sure every single moment was counted and enjoyed to the fullest possible measure.
Brittney. Her face resurfaced in my mind for the millionth time. Images of the two of us in her bed flashed through as well. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter—tried to tell myself the strangeness I felt was simply the result of waking up in bed with her. Any red-blooded guy would’ve been turned on a little, not just me. She was Brittney . . . one of my best friends. I couldn’t feel that way about her; I shouldn’t feel that way about her.
My phone rang, and I picked it up out of the cup holder next to me. “Hello?”
“You almost home?” Brett’s voice said.
“Yeah, coming in on Country Club now, about to get on the freeway. Why?”
“The girls and I are getting ready to head to dinner and thought we’d wait for you if you were close.”
I hesitated. I was starving. “No thanks, man. Go without me. I’m beat. I’ve been helping my mom set up her things at Greg’s this weekend, and Grandpa had me weed the vegetable garden for Grandma. I think I’ll go straight to bed, so I won’t be tired for practice tomorrow.”
“It’s like five P.M., bro. You’re turning into a grandma yourself if you’re going to bed this early. Come eat with us.”
I laughed, nestling the phone against my shoulder as I quickly checked my side mirror and switched lanes. “Grandma or not, I can still kick your butt any day of the week.”
“That may be true, but even old ladies need to eat.”
“I’m okay. I’ll grab a sandwich before bed if I need to. Have fun. Tell the girls hi,” I added hoping not to seem standoffish.
“Will do. Catch you later.”
I sighed as I tossed the phone back into the cup holder, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. I knew I needed to stop moping around at some point and face things in my life, but I didn’t feel ready to take that leap yet.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew Nikki was never coming back, no matter how much I hoped and wished for it. No matter how much I loved her and wanted her, we were done—through. Fate made the choice for us, and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew I needed to move forward, but I didn’t want to. I’d been happy where I was—well, sort
I’d gone home for the weekend and moped around, spending a good chunk of time sitting by Nikki’s grave while I tried to decipher the crazy dream I’d had about her and Brittney. I didn’t dream of her often, and when I did , it was usually some sort of nightmare involving her car accident. But even those dreams had faded after a few months. I’d never had a dream like this before.
While I wasn’t sure I believed in messages from beyond the grave, this dream had certainly seemed to carry one. It had opened my eyes to something I’d refused to acknowledge . . . something I was still having difficulty acknowledging.
It wasn’t possible for me to have feelings for Brittney. My heart wasn’t in my chest anymore. It was buried in a grave next to the girl I loved, and I didn’t need anyone else in my life. I’d had my chance at real love and was content to live with the memory of it forever. The few months we’d been together had filled me with enough warmth to last a lifetime.
Sure, I felt like the sun would never shine again, but knowing I’d held its heat for one brief moment made it worth it. I knew if I had the chance to live it all over again—knowing what the outcome would be and the pain I would suffer—I’d do it in a heartbeat. Only this time I’d make sure every single moment was counted and enjoyed to the fullest possible measure.
Brittney. Her face resurfaced in my mind for the millionth time. Images of the two of us in her bed flashed through as well. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter—tried to tell myself the strangeness I felt was simply the result of waking up in bed with her. Any red-blooded guy would’ve been turned on a little, not just me. She was Brittney . . . one of my best friends. I couldn’t feel that way about her; I shouldn’t feel that way about her.
My phone rang, and I picked it up out of the cup holder next to me. “Hello?”
“You almost home?” Brett’s voice said.
“Yeah, coming in on Country Club now, about to get on the freeway. Why?”
“The girls and I are getting ready to head to dinner and thought we’d wait for you if you were close.”
I hesitated. I was starving. “No thanks, man. Go without me. I’m beat. I’ve been helping my mom set up her things at Greg’s this weekend, and Grandpa had me weed the vegetable garden for Grandma. I think I’ll go straight to bed, so I won’t be tired for practice tomorrow.”
“It’s like five P.M., bro. You’re turning into a grandma yourself if you’re going to bed this early. Come eat with us.”
I laughed, nestling the phone against my shoulder as I quickly checked my side mirror and switched lanes. “Grandma or not, I can still kick your butt any day of the week.”
“That may be true, but even old ladies need to eat.”
“I’m okay. I’ll grab a sandwich before bed if I need to. Have fun. Tell the girls hi,” I added hoping not to seem standoffish.
“Will do. Catch you later.”
I sighed as I tossed the phone back into the cup holder, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. I knew I needed to stop moping around at some point and face things in my life, but I didn’t feel ready to take that leap yet.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew Nikki was never coming back, no matter how much I hoped and wished for it. No matter how much I loved her and wanted her, we were done—through. Fate made the choice for us, and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew I needed to move forward, but I didn’t want to. I’d been happy where I was—well, sort
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