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Book: Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World by Jennie Allen
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Authors: Jennie Allen
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activities, I believe at the end of it you will have new friends.
You want to change your life? You want to stop living lonely? I’ll hold your hand. But you have to show up and put one foot in front of another here. If you come with me, you will see change.
Let’s do this.
PART
2
…
THE PATH TO CONNECTION
…
I REACH OUT, BUT PEOPLE CAN’T COME OVER. THEY ARE TOO BUSY. I FINALLY STOPPED ASKING. —AMANDA
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS TAKES A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY THAT I DON’T HAVE MUCH LEFT OF. —JENN
I MOVED AWAY FROM MY PEOPLE FOR A BETTER JOB, AND I MISS THEM SO MUCH. —CAIT
WORKING FULL TIME AND BEING IN A NEW CITY AND AT A LARGE CHURCH, IT IS HARD TO CULTIVATE DEEP FRIENDSHIPS. —AMY
I TRY TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY FRIENDS, BUT HONESTLY, THEY’RE TOO CAUGHT UP IN THEIR OWN LIVES TO TAKE MUCH OF AN INTEREST IN MINE. —BRI
BETWEEN WORKING FORTY-PLUS HOURS, TAKING CARE OF A HOUSE, COMMUTING, FAMILY, HUSBAND, THERE IS JUST NOT MUCH TIME LEFT. IN THAT LITTLE TIME I DO CARVE OUT FOR A FRIEND, IT IS REALLY HARD TO TAKE THAT FRIENDSHIP PAST SUPERFICIAL CONVERSATION INTO DEEP CONVERSATIONS. —SARA R.
5.
CLOSE
WHEN THE DOORBELL RANG AT 7:30 p.m., I had already eaten dinner, changed into my long, comfy robe, and begun to unwind from a stressful day. Who could possibly be ringing our doorbell right now?
I opened the front door to find Lindsey, Kirk, and their three kids, the whole lot looking like they’d just stepped out of the pages of a magazine: perfectly coordinated, every hair on every head in place, smiles as wide as Texas. “We just had our family pictures taken,” Lindsey explained. “I should have texted you, but we were driving by, and I’ve been wanting Kirk to see your patio furniture because we’re wanting to get something similar, and, well, can we just take a peek and then let you get back to your plans?”
I obviously didn’t have “plans.”
At the time, they were still newish friends, and I was veryaware I was in my robe. Glancing down at my attire, I had to laugh. “Come in!” I heard myself say.
The whole pack of us swept through the cluttered kitchen and living room and went outside to the patio. Zac and I insisted that they sit down and stay. They insisted that they didn’t want to bother us, that, really, they should go.
Zac started a fire in the firepit, and we all sat down together, and they stayed.
They interrupted our nothing night, and their kids crawled all over us while we talked, and I never changed out of my robe. All of it was more heaven than my new-to-Dallas heart could contain.
About two hours into that fireside conversation, we realized we needed snacks. Lindsey and I went into the kitchen to grab whatever junk we could find and then returned to the fire, to our families, to the conversation at hand. I look back on that night now and realize that the unplanned nature of the whole thing took our relationship to a new level, a deeper level, a level that said, “Yeah, I know we don’t yet know each other well, but I am going to be that kind of friend in your life.”
The kind of friend who drops by unannounced.
The kind of friend kids can crawl all over without being told to stop.
The kind of friend who looks past your bathrobe and messy house.
The Magic of a Fire
Since the Stone Age, we humans have been building fires, and while there are plenty of practical reasons for this—we wantedcooked food, we needed to forge metal, we were hoping to stave off a bitterly cold winter, and more—one of the primary benefits of those fires has been the simple ambiance they afford. Firepit flames seem to mesmerize us, and we can kind of get lost in their trance.
Given that we spend most of our days strategizing, planning, working, and following through, there is a natural pull to sit down, to relax, to calm the mind, to chat. A fire gives us a place to do all these things. “Gathering around an evening fire is…an important opportunity for calm information
You want to change your life? You want to stop living lonely? I’ll hold your hand. But you have to show up and put one foot in front of another here. If you come with me, you will see change.
Let’s do this.
PART
2
…
THE PATH TO CONNECTION
…
I REACH OUT, BUT PEOPLE CAN’T COME OVER. THEY ARE TOO BUSY. I FINALLY STOPPED ASKING. —AMANDA
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS TAKES A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY THAT I DON’T HAVE MUCH LEFT OF. —JENN
I MOVED AWAY FROM MY PEOPLE FOR A BETTER JOB, AND I MISS THEM SO MUCH. —CAIT
WORKING FULL TIME AND BEING IN A NEW CITY AND AT A LARGE CHURCH, IT IS HARD TO CULTIVATE DEEP FRIENDSHIPS. —AMY
I TRY TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY FRIENDS, BUT HONESTLY, THEY’RE TOO CAUGHT UP IN THEIR OWN LIVES TO TAKE MUCH OF AN INTEREST IN MINE. —BRI
BETWEEN WORKING FORTY-PLUS HOURS, TAKING CARE OF A HOUSE, COMMUTING, FAMILY, HUSBAND, THERE IS JUST NOT MUCH TIME LEFT. IN THAT LITTLE TIME I DO CARVE OUT FOR A FRIEND, IT IS REALLY HARD TO TAKE THAT FRIENDSHIP PAST SUPERFICIAL CONVERSATION INTO DEEP CONVERSATIONS. —SARA R.
5.
CLOSE
WHEN THE DOORBELL RANG AT 7:30 p.m., I had already eaten dinner, changed into my long, comfy robe, and begun to unwind from a stressful day. Who could possibly be ringing our doorbell right now?
I opened the front door to find Lindsey, Kirk, and their three kids, the whole lot looking like they’d just stepped out of the pages of a magazine: perfectly coordinated, every hair on every head in place, smiles as wide as Texas. “We just had our family pictures taken,” Lindsey explained. “I should have texted you, but we were driving by, and I’ve been wanting Kirk to see your patio furniture because we’re wanting to get something similar, and, well, can we just take a peek and then let you get back to your plans?”
I obviously didn’t have “plans.”
At the time, they were still newish friends, and I was veryaware I was in my robe. Glancing down at my attire, I had to laugh. “Come in!” I heard myself say.
The whole pack of us swept through the cluttered kitchen and living room and went outside to the patio. Zac and I insisted that they sit down and stay. They insisted that they didn’t want to bother us, that, really, they should go.
Zac started a fire in the firepit, and we all sat down together, and they stayed.
They interrupted our nothing night, and their kids crawled all over us while we talked, and I never changed out of my robe. All of it was more heaven than my new-to-Dallas heart could contain.
About two hours into that fireside conversation, we realized we needed snacks. Lindsey and I went into the kitchen to grab whatever junk we could find and then returned to the fire, to our families, to the conversation at hand. I look back on that night now and realize that the unplanned nature of the whole thing took our relationship to a new level, a deeper level, a level that said, “Yeah, I know we don’t yet know each other well, but I am going to be that kind of friend in your life.”
The kind of friend who drops by unannounced.
The kind of friend kids can crawl all over without being told to stop.
The kind of friend who looks past your bathrobe and messy house.
The Magic of a Fire
Since the Stone Age, we humans have been building fires, and while there are plenty of practical reasons for this—we wantedcooked food, we needed to forge metal, we were hoping to stave off a bitterly cold winter, and more—one of the primary benefits of those fires has been the simple ambiance they afford. Firepit flames seem to mesmerize us, and we can kind of get lost in their trance.
Given that we spend most of our days strategizing, planning, working, and following through, there is a natural pull to sit down, to relax, to calm the mind, to chat. A fire gives us a place to do all these things. “Gathering around an evening fire is…an important opportunity for calm information
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