group, and they were at the party before we even got there. I didn’t recognize any of them, but there were a lot of people we didn’t know.”
“Did she leave with that guy?” I asked weakly. I was tripped up on the idea of Ani kissing someone else. There was more to all this, but I couldn’t work through what Kate was describing. It wasn’t my Ani.
“No, she went upstairs. But with a bunch of them, you know?” Kate’s voice shook. “Some girls went with them too. I thought maybe they were going to play spin the bottle or something. I didn’t notice, but I guess some of them came back down later.”
I shut my eyes. Please, God, don’t let this be real. Don’t let this be what it seems. Something inside me snapped and I turned on Kate. Venom ran through me.
“Why didn’t you go with her upstairs? Don’t you girls have some sort of buddy system at parties? What kind of shitty friend lets a drunk girl disappear with a bunch of guys?”
“Fuck you. She told me to stay out of her business and she wasn’t drinking that much. How was I supposed to know? She was with a bunch of guys. I didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“What did happen, Kate? Why’s she going into surgery?”
Kate’s fingers started to peel off the wrapper of the water bottle. Her nails scraped at the glue. I put my hand over hers. She looked up at me through tears. She tried to take a deep breath but choked. She wiped her face and shifted closer to me.
“I found her about an hour and a half later. She was passed out. I tried to wake her up, but she was really out of it and said she didn’t feel good. I got someone to help me carry her to the car. I took her home and put her to bed. When she woke up this morning, she told me she thought she’d been raped.”
Everything froze. No sound. No smell. No feeling in my body. Just a moment of blackness before a shattering crack, and my world reconfiguring itself.
“Jesus, where the hell were you when that was happening?” I screamed, and jumped up. I thought I might be sick.
“Where the hell were you ?” she screamed back at me, and her eyes flooded with more tears.
The short, overweight triage nurse came over to us and told us to lower our voices or take our conversation outside. I sat back down next to Kate and put my head in my hands.
I was shaking so badly the chair squeaked. “Why’s she going into surgery?” It hurt my stomach to ask.
“Well, it’s not exactly surgery. They’re not in an operating room or anything. They called it a procedure. They’re just giving her a local anesthetic to numb her.”
“Why, Kate?” What the hell else was she afraid to tell me?
Her hands twisted again on the bottle. “Earlier, the doctor was doing this rape kit. They have to do it to collect evidence. Ani wanted me to stay in the room with her. There was a rape counselor in there too. But when they tried to take samples or whatever, Ani started screaming so loud. Like some kind of wounded animal. She kept yelling that it hurt, it hurt. I thought at first it was because she had this little tear on the outside they needed to stitch up. But then the doctor said he felt something inside of her. He couldn’t get it out. So they did an ultrasound to see what it was.”
I couldn’t breathe. Each new word Kate spoke was like a fist to my gut, hammering into me again and again. I looked at her, afraid to ask.
“It was a lighter, Ben. Whoever did it left a lighter inside of her.”
I shook my head too long and the room got blurry. Lighter. Lighter Lighter. The word skipped through my mind. I covered my ears and willed myself to move. I slammed out the door and buckled to the ground. My fingers scraped the sidewalk. I buried my head in my knees and tears dampened my jeans. My insides cracked and I curled into a ball to hold myself together. Seconds passed, then minutes. Finally I looked at the cold, white sky and prayed to a God I wasn’t sure I believed in to heal the girl I
“Did she leave with that guy?” I asked weakly. I was tripped up on the idea of Ani kissing someone else. There was more to all this, but I couldn’t work through what Kate was describing. It wasn’t my Ani.
“No, she went upstairs. But with a bunch of them, you know?” Kate’s voice shook. “Some girls went with them too. I thought maybe they were going to play spin the bottle or something. I didn’t notice, but I guess some of them came back down later.”
I shut my eyes. Please, God, don’t let this be real. Don’t let this be what it seems. Something inside me snapped and I turned on Kate. Venom ran through me.
“Why didn’t you go with her upstairs? Don’t you girls have some sort of buddy system at parties? What kind of shitty friend lets a drunk girl disappear with a bunch of guys?”
“Fuck you. She told me to stay out of her business and she wasn’t drinking that much. How was I supposed to know? She was with a bunch of guys. I didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“What did happen, Kate? Why’s she going into surgery?”
Kate’s fingers started to peel off the wrapper of the water bottle. Her nails scraped at the glue. I put my hand over hers. She looked up at me through tears. She tried to take a deep breath but choked. She wiped her face and shifted closer to me.
“I found her about an hour and a half later. She was passed out. I tried to wake her up, but she was really out of it and said she didn’t feel good. I got someone to help me carry her to the car. I took her home and put her to bed. When she woke up this morning, she told me she thought she’d been raped.”
Everything froze. No sound. No smell. No feeling in my body. Just a moment of blackness before a shattering crack, and my world reconfiguring itself.
“Jesus, where the hell were you when that was happening?” I screamed, and jumped up. I thought I might be sick.
“Where the hell were you ?” she screamed back at me, and her eyes flooded with more tears.
The short, overweight triage nurse came over to us and told us to lower our voices or take our conversation outside. I sat back down next to Kate and put my head in my hands.
I was shaking so badly the chair squeaked. “Why’s she going into surgery?” It hurt my stomach to ask.
“Well, it’s not exactly surgery. They’re not in an operating room or anything. They called it a procedure. They’re just giving her a local anesthetic to numb her.”
“Why, Kate?” What the hell else was she afraid to tell me?
Her hands twisted again on the bottle. “Earlier, the doctor was doing this rape kit. They have to do it to collect evidence. Ani wanted me to stay in the room with her. There was a rape counselor in there too. But when they tried to take samples or whatever, Ani started screaming so loud. Like some kind of wounded animal. She kept yelling that it hurt, it hurt. I thought at first it was because she had this little tear on the outside they needed to stitch up. But then the doctor said he felt something inside of her. He couldn’t get it out. So they did an ultrasound to see what it was.”
I couldn’t breathe. Each new word Kate spoke was like a fist to my gut, hammering into me again and again. I looked at her, afraid to ask.
“It was a lighter, Ben. Whoever did it left a lighter inside of her.”
I shook my head too long and the room got blurry. Lighter. Lighter Lighter. The word skipped through my mind. I covered my ears and willed myself to move. I slammed out the door and buckled to the ground. My fingers scraped the sidewalk. I buried my head in my knees and tears dampened my jeans. My insides cracked and I curled into a ball to hold myself together. Seconds passed, then minutes. Finally I looked at the cold, white sky and prayed to a God I wasn’t sure I believed in to heal the girl I
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