ADHD for the first time at Xander’s current age. Furthermore, though some kids really do have the disorder, nowadays, it’s a reason attributed by any parent for their kid with poor school performance. It’s easier to say their kid has a disorder that prevents focus, rather than admit the kid is just not that smart. By simple normal distribution curve, more kids are going to be average to below-average than above-average; not everyone is going to crack physics and organic chemistry, most are going to do well to balance their checkbooks and read checkout line magazines. But ADHD can be treated with a pill, so parents would rather have their kid labeled with a condition that can be ameliorated with medicine than be labeled as just being average. The ideal diagnoses for a dumb, fat kid for most parents would be ADHD and hypothyroidism, where a couple pills once a day would transform mind and body from Shrek to Captain America. There is no pill that will ever cancel out Xander eating as much crap as he wants.
“No, I don’t think that hypothyroidism is that likely, but I think these labs are worth checking at this point.”
“Ooh, let’s hope that’s what it is.”
“Kate, most of these labs are to see if he’s got some other medical problems related to his obesity, not really to look for a reason for his obesity. We know he consumes too many calories and lives a sedentary lifestyle – that’s going to be the real reason.”
Xander hadn’t looked up from his book the whole time we were talking, but now his head shot up to meet his mom’s face, “Can you guys please shut up? I’ll try harder in gym, okay?”
Kate just stared at him. They stared at each other for a while. I stared at them. I guess his mom’s unbridled glee at the prospect of him having some endocrine disorder was too much even for his teenage apathetic disposition. Time for me to end this visit.
“Okay, so, I’ll have the nurse come in and get you those lab requisition forms.”
Xander returned to his book while Kate continued staring. I left the room fast and quiet. Just as if he was a jar of mayonnaise left out in the midday sun, this fatty was starting to sour.
FAT FROSH?
“What the hell happened to you, Xander?”
For his freshman physical, I expected to see a pizza faced blob with a curtain of greasy hair 360 degrees from scalp to shoulders in an attempt to cover up the facial train wreck, and clothes baggy and black to camouflage his girth. Adding hormones to a pot of fat is usually never pretty. Instead, Xander was tall and only mildly overweight, and with a more muscular frame. His hair was short and tousled in place with gel. And he was in jeans and a Matt Forte jersey. He looked like a fitter Chicago-bred Yogi Bear.
“I cut out soda and Gatorade, and I joined the football team. Those two-a-days were brutal.”
Kate was smiling ear-to-ear. She was looking at Xander as if gazing upon him for the first time after he emerged from a 15 hour labor. “Albert played football in college, so Xander thought he’d give it a try, and he’s doing great.”
She was glowing. Her hair was up in a tight bun, she had on rimless glasses, a cashmere turtleneck, wool skirt and knee-high leather boots. She looked like the sexy librarian that could draw men to rehearse small talk on the Dewey Decimal System. Too bad I sent her out of the room. Xander was fourteen; he doesn’t need his mommy for his physicals anymore. There are going to questions that most teens will never answer honestly in front of their parents. Plus, no teenage boy wants his mom to catch a glimpse of his weiner during the hernia check.
I wish I could take some credit for Xander’s lifestyle change and weight loss, but the truth is that all my warning and lecturing
“No, I don’t think that hypothyroidism is that likely, but I think these labs are worth checking at this point.”
“Ooh, let’s hope that’s what it is.”
“Kate, most of these labs are to see if he’s got some other medical problems related to his obesity, not really to look for a reason for his obesity. We know he consumes too many calories and lives a sedentary lifestyle – that’s going to be the real reason.”
Xander hadn’t looked up from his book the whole time we were talking, but now his head shot up to meet his mom’s face, “Can you guys please shut up? I’ll try harder in gym, okay?”
Kate just stared at him. They stared at each other for a while. I stared at them. I guess his mom’s unbridled glee at the prospect of him having some endocrine disorder was too much even for his teenage apathetic disposition. Time for me to end this visit.
“Okay, so, I’ll have the nurse come in and get you those lab requisition forms.”
Xander returned to his book while Kate continued staring. I left the room fast and quiet. Just as if he was a jar of mayonnaise left out in the midday sun, this fatty was starting to sour.
FAT FROSH?
“What the hell happened to you, Xander?”
For his freshman physical, I expected to see a pizza faced blob with a curtain of greasy hair 360 degrees from scalp to shoulders in an attempt to cover up the facial train wreck, and clothes baggy and black to camouflage his girth. Adding hormones to a pot of fat is usually never pretty. Instead, Xander was tall and only mildly overweight, and with a more muscular frame. His hair was short and tousled in place with gel. And he was in jeans and a Matt Forte jersey. He looked like a fitter Chicago-bred Yogi Bear.
“I cut out soda and Gatorade, and I joined the football team. Those two-a-days were brutal.”
Kate was smiling ear-to-ear. She was looking at Xander as if gazing upon him for the first time after he emerged from a 15 hour labor. “Albert played football in college, so Xander thought he’d give it a try, and he’s doing great.”
She was glowing. Her hair was up in a tight bun, she had on rimless glasses, a cashmere turtleneck, wool skirt and knee-high leather boots. She looked like the sexy librarian that could draw men to rehearse small talk on the Dewey Decimal System. Too bad I sent her out of the room. Xander was fourteen; he doesn’t need his mommy for his physicals anymore. There are going to questions that most teens will never answer honestly in front of their parents. Plus, no teenage boy wants his mom to catch a glimpse of his weiner during the hernia check.
I wish I could take some credit for Xander’s lifestyle change and weight loss, but the truth is that all my warning and lecturing
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