Read Online Fat Chance by Deborah Blumenthal - Free Book Online Page B

my office open and who should stand before us, a horrified look on his face, but old Wharton. Shit. Double shit. And what did I do? Wave. He closed the door as quietly as he opened it.
    Next thing I know, a messenger is delivering a Bailey’s Irish cream cheesecake, to me, from, guess who? That was followed by a voice-mail message—“When your dancing fever subsides, call your publisher about lunch.”
    Â 
    â€œTex might be on to you,” Tamara tells me after lunch one day.
    This is not a particularly welcome development. “What did he say?”
    I get the whole conversation verbatim.
    â€œSomething’s up with Maggie,” Tamara says he told her one day while she was sitting with him and Larry. “But I don’t know what.”
    â€œI looked at him straight-faced,” Tamara says. “I asked him what he meant.”
    â€œShe hasn’t been herself lately.”
    â€œProbably something you said.”
    â€œCan’t think of anything,” Tex says, “but yeah, it doesn’t take a lot to get women pissed. Once at a party, I got a drink for myself, but forgot to get my date one.” He nods his head, as if remembering. “I walk back to her and she says, ‘Didn’t it ever occur to you that I might want something to drink?’ I said, ‘I didn’t think you wanted one,’ then she pushes right past me and says, ‘Right, you didn’t think.’”
    Then Larry chimes in. “Great material, we should write a screenplay. Once, I bought a gift for a woman. This black lace nightgown, great, sexy, I couldn’t wait to see her in it.” He shakes his head. “How was I supposed to know she wasn’t an extralarge?”
    â€œObservant, aren’t you, Larry?” I say. Tex laughs.
    â€œSo she takes it back for a small and finds out that it was the last one and came off the clearance rack.” Larry looks down at his drink and mixes it with his finger and then licks his finger. “So she says, ‘The one thing I hate is men who are cheap and stupid!’ So I said, ‘That’s two things.’”
    Tex nods his head. “Yeah, the old one-two punch.” His voice trails off. “I think there’s some basic resentment of the opposite sex. It bobs along the surface until one day, propelled by some deep seismic forces, it explodes in your face.”
    â€œPMS,” Larry says.
    â€œNo, that’s not it with Maggie. She’s just distant…less eager to eat out. She’s even starting to look different.”
    â€œDifferent?” I say. “What do you mean by different?”
    â€œI’m enjoying baiting him, Maggie. He is so unbelievably dense sometimes.”
    â€œI’m not sure,” Tex says, as though he’s afraid to divulge what he’s thinking.
    So Larry pipes up.
    â€œBetter,” he said. “Maybe she’s on a diet.”
    â€œNah, impossible,” Tex says. “Not old trencher woman Maggie. She never diets or takes off for spas like some of the women I know.” He shakes his head. “She doesn’t think about things like that. That’s the great thing about her.”
    â€œAbsolutely right,” I say. “You guys read her stuff. Maggie doesn’t diet.”
    â€œTake her out for ribs,” Larry says. “See what’s up.”
    â€œI looked at them both, trying hard to keep from laughing,” Tamara says. “If these two geniuses were directing theinvestigative reporting at the paper, then the Times , the Daily News and the Post could rest assured that they had nothing to fear.”

six
    F edEx parks the wardrobe-size box in my building lobby with the doorman. No more nights spent cuddled up by the TV. No more evenings sprawled on the bed facing a snack tray with BBQ Pringles, Snyder’s of Hanover homestyle pretzels, Entenmann’s chocolate doughnuts and Diet Coke. From now on I’d