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Authors: Jasinda Wilder
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all whacked out and crazy, smoking brings me down, and when I’m depressed, it brings me up. It works better than any of that shit no one can pronounce. Fucking Zoloft and Wellbutrin and Xanax and Clonazepam and Valium and Ativan. It’s all bullshit. Doesn’t work. This shit works.” He grabbed the paraphernalia from his pocket and shook it at me.
I could already see the down-shift in his mood happening. “Ben, you know that’s not true,” I said, my voice soft and careful. “I know I don’t know what it’s like for you, but the way you’re dealing with it isn’t healthy.”
Ben blew out a frustrated breath, pocketing his things again and heading for the door. “You’re not a doctor yet, Becca, so quit trying to fix me.”
“Ben, wait. I’m sorry. I just—just—I want you to be happy. Th-that’s all.”
He stopped in the doorway and glanced at me through a curtain of stringy hair. He gave me a look that was deeper than I thought Ben capable of. “The problem is, when I am happy, no one can handle it. And when I’m not happy, they can’t handle it. It’s not that I don’t care about my life or my future, Becca. I do. I just know that I’m limited, okay? What happens up here,” he tapped his temple, “inherently limits what I can do in my life. Drugs, no drugs, pot, no pot, there’s just no good way to handle my shit. I’ll never accomplish important stuff like you will, Beck. I know that. I’ve accepted it. I’m just gonna live it up and enjoy my life as much as I can for as long as I can. Eventually it’ll all catch up to me. I know that, too. But it’s my life, my choice, and no one else’s.”
“Just be careful, okay?”
He nodded, smiling at me. “Sure thing, Beck.” He turned away and closed the door, then poked his head back through. “Hey, by the way, if you ever want help sneaking out to see Jason Dorsey, let me know. I’ll cover for you.” He winked and was gone before I could reply.
* * *
Jason
I’d barely even seen Becca twice in a month, and those were both fleeting glimpses in passing at school. We didn’t have any classes together this semester and we had different lunch periods, too. She caught up to me at my locker right before I was heading out to practice one Friday in mid-October. It was cool outside, so she was wearing a floor-length blue wool skirt, a white V-neck T-shirt, and an unbuttoned gray sweater. Her clothes were cut so that they clung to her curves without being overtly revealing, and I found this the sexiest thing ever. Any girl could put on a push-up bra and a low-cut shirt so she spilled out. It took class and style to look deliciously sexy without looking skanky, and Becca pulled this off with every outfit she wore.
“Hey, Jason.” She leaned against the locker beside me, mere inches away, so close I could smell the conditioner in her hair and the body lotion on her skin.
I wanted to bury my face in the hollow of her neck and smell her, bury my face in her springy hair. I didn’t, though, because that might come across as slightly forward in this stage of the game. I tossed my history book in my backpack and zipped it shut, then hung it off one shoulder before pivoting to lean against the locker, facing Becca.
“Hey, Becca.” I crossed one foot over my ankle and my arms across my chest. I felt a glimmer of pride when her eyes followed my arms and traced the bulge of my pecs. She liked what she saw, which meant I’d be pounding the weights extra hard today.
“I’m sorry I never got a chance to see you again. Father has me on lockdown.” She tugged on one of her curls, making it bounce up and down.
I made an irritated face. “He really keeps you on a short leash, doesn’t he? Damn, that sucks.”
“I did lie to him, Jason.”
I huffed in irritation. “You’re a teenager. It’s par for the course. We’re supposed to sneak out and lie to our parents. We weren’t doing anything bad. You shouldn’t have
I could already see the down-shift in his mood happening. “Ben, you know that’s not true,” I said, my voice soft and careful. “I know I don’t know what it’s like for you, but the way you’re dealing with it isn’t healthy.”
Ben blew out a frustrated breath, pocketing his things again and heading for the door. “You’re not a doctor yet, Becca, so quit trying to fix me.”
“Ben, wait. I’m sorry. I just—just—I want you to be happy. Th-that’s all.”
He stopped in the doorway and glanced at me through a curtain of stringy hair. He gave me a look that was deeper than I thought Ben capable of. “The problem is, when I am happy, no one can handle it. And when I’m not happy, they can’t handle it. It’s not that I don’t care about my life or my future, Becca. I do. I just know that I’m limited, okay? What happens up here,” he tapped his temple, “inherently limits what I can do in my life. Drugs, no drugs, pot, no pot, there’s just no good way to handle my shit. I’ll never accomplish important stuff like you will, Beck. I know that. I’ve accepted it. I’m just gonna live it up and enjoy my life as much as I can for as long as I can. Eventually it’ll all catch up to me. I know that, too. But it’s my life, my choice, and no one else’s.”
“Just be careful, okay?”
He nodded, smiling at me. “Sure thing, Beck.” He turned away and closed the door, then poked his head back through. “Hey, by the way, if you ever want help sneaking out to see Jason Dorsey, let me know. I’ll cover for you.” He winked and was gone before I could reply.
* * *
Jason
I’d barely even seen Becca twice in a month, and those were both fleeting glimpses in passing at school. We didn’t have any classes together this semester and we had different lunch periods, too. She caught up to me at my locker right before I was heading out to practice one Friday in mid-October. It was cool outside, so she was wearing a floor-length blue wool skirt, a white V-neck T-shirt, and an unbuttoned gray sweater. Her clothes were cut so that they clung to her curves without being overtly revealing, and I found this the sexiest thing ever. Any girl could put on a push-up bra and a low-cut shirt so she spilled out. It took class and style to look deliciously sexy without looking skanky, and Becca pulled this off with every outfit she wore.
“Hey, Jason.” She leaned against the locker beside me, mere inches away, so close I could smell the conditioner in her hair and the body lotion on her skin.
I wanted to bury my face in the hollow of her neck and smell her, bury my face in her springy hair. I didn’t, though, because that might come across as slightly forward in this stage of the game. I tossed my history book in my backpack and zipped it shut, then hung it off one shoulder before pivoting to lean against the locker, facing Becca.
“Hey, Becca.” I crossed one foot over my ankle and my arms across my chest. I felt a glimmer of pride when her eyes followed my arms and traced the bulge of my pecs. She liked what she saw, which meant I’d be pounding the weights extra hard today.
“I’m sorry I never got a chance to see you again. Father has me on lockdown.” She tugged on one of her curls, making it bounce up and down.
I made an irritated face. “He really keeps you on a short leash, doesn’t he? Damn, that sucks.”
“I did lie to him, Jason.”
I huffed in irritation. “You’re a teenager. It’s par for the course. We’re supposed to sneak out and lie to our parents. We weren’t doing anything bad. You shouldn’t have
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