Read Online Falcon Song: A love story by Kristin Cross - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kristin Cross
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to the freeway and flipped on her blinker to merge.
As she drove, for some reason, she began to pray out loud as if God was sitting right there in the seat beside her. She had never felt so out of her depth in her life as she voiced, “Father, I know I’ve made some pretty gargantuan mistakes in my life lately. And I’m so sorry. Please forgive me and help me to do better. Oh, I’m sorry; I forgot to say thanks first. I’m so grateful for… For everything, Father. I have a great life and I know it. And I’ve been so blessed with so many gifts. I’m truly, truly grateful. Please don’t misunderstand me. But oh, man, I am so lost right now.
“You know about me and Jason. He’s been my best friend for so long. Heck, he’s been my life for forever. But lately, I’m bothered by so many things. In some ways, I want to run to him like when I was little, and in some ways I want to run away from him and back off from so much confusion.
“He’s a good man, Heavenly Father. I know he is. And I know this man. Sometimes I can even tell what he’s thinking. Sometimes I even know what he’s going to think before he thinks it.” She paused in thought and then continued, “At least I thought I knew him Heavenly Father. Sometimes lately, I’m not so sure.”
Tears began to course down her cheeks as she went on, “He wants to get married, God. And I’m definitely in love with him. And I’ve always respected and admired him. He’s so talented and strong and kind and wise and… Well, you know how he is. You made him. Anyway, he wants to get married, and I really want that too, but I’m having such huge doubts lately about some things. Actually, about nearly everything. I feel like we should wait until he’s sure he’s not going to regret me. But then what if he does find some flavor he likes better and leaves me? That would kill me, Heavenly Father. I can’t imagine life without him.”
She stubbornly wiped at the tears as she drove. “And what about the way he was dancing. Maybe I don’t know him. Maybe I’m completely mixed up.” She thought of the woman who had shared her food and her breath caught. “And how do I deal with… with… with everything, Father? Watching that hurt. It really did. If it’s this bad now, how would I feel if that was my husband doing that? Not just my boyfriend. Am I being too picky? Is this as big a deal as it feels like it is? Oh, Father, please help me to know what to think and how to feel. I’m trying to listen. I know I probably don’t even deserve you to answer me. But I really need you. Please help me organize my thoughts and know what Thou has in mind for me.” She drove for a few moments and then pleaded, “Please. I’ll do what I think You want me to. Just please help me figure out what that is. I know Thou knowest everything. Open my mind and give me guidance to know what to do. I want to do Thy will. I just don’t know what that is right now.”
She closed her prayer and continued to drive, still not even sure what direction she’d driven. It didn’t matter anyway. She couldn’t go back to work. What would she tell them? And she couldn’t face her mom just now. Her mother would wonder why she had been crying and it hurt too much to even think about, let alone admit out loud. And she couldn’t go back to Cody’s. She had no idea how to act around Jason right now. She wasn’t even sure what the heck their relationship was anymore. And she didn’t belong there.
She wasn’t the kind of girl who went to crowded, loud parties where everyone was drinking and hustling each other like that. She hadn’t even gotten in the door when she could feel the Spirit cautioning her. She recognized that now. She should have listened. If she hadn’t gone in there, she would still be as happy as she’d been when she’d left work, thinking she was off to see the gorgeous, talented love of her life.
Of course that was foolish and naïve. As much as she kept trying to
As she drove, for some reason, she began to pray out loud as if God was sitting right there in the seat beside her. She had never felt so out of her depth in her life as she voiced, “Father, I know I’ve made some pretty gargantuan mistakes in my life lately. And I’m so sorry. Please forgive me and help me to do better. Oh, I’m sorry; I forgot to say thanks first. I’m so grateful for… For everything, Father. I have a great life and I know it. And I’ve been so blessed with so many gifts. I’m truly, truly grateful. Please don’t misunderstand me. But oh, man, I am so lost right now.
“You know about me and Jason. He’s been my best friend for so long. Heck, he’s been my life for forever. But lately, I’m bothered by so many things. In some ways, I want to run to him like when I was little, and in some ways I want to run away from him and back off from so much confusion.
“He’s a good man, Heavenly Father. I know he is. And I know this man. Sometimes I can even tell what he’s thinking. Sometimes I even know what he’s going to think before he thinks it.” She paused in thought and then continued, “At least I thought I knew him Heavenly Father. Sometimes lately, I’m not so sure.”
Tears began to course down her cheeks as she went on, “He wants to get married, God. And I’m definitely in love with him. And I’ve always respected and admired him. He’s so talented and strong and kind and wise and… Well, you know how he is. You made him. Anyway, he wants to get married, and I really want that too, but I’m having such huge doubts lately about some things. Actually, about nearly everything. I feel like we should wait until he’s sure he’s not going to regret me. But then what if he does find some flavor he likes better and leaves me? That would kill me, Heavenly Father. I can’t imagine life without him.”
She stubbornly wiped at the tears as she drove. “And what about the way he was dancing. Maybe I don’t know him. Maybe I’m completely mixed up.” She thought of the woman who had shared her food and her breath caught. “And how do I deal with… with… with everything, Father? Watching that hurt. It really did. If it’s this bad now, how would I feel if that was my husband doing that? Not just my boyfriend. Am I being too picky? Is this as big a deal as it feels like it is? Oh, Father, please help me to know what to think and how to feel. I’m trying to listen. I know I probably don’t even deserve you to answer me. But I really need you. Please help me organize my thoughts and know what Thou has in mind for me.” She drove for a few moments and then pleaded, “Please. I’ll do what I think You want me to. Just please help me figure out what that is. I know Thou knowest everything. Open my mind and give me guidance to know what to do. I want to do Thy will. I just don’t know what that is right now.”
She closed her prayer and continued to drive, still not even sure what direction she’d driven. It didn’t matter anyway. She couldn’t go back to work. What would she tell them? And she couldn’t face her mom just now. Her mother would wonder why she had been crying and it hurt too much to even think about, let alone admit out loud. And she couldn’t go back to Cody’s. She had no idea how to act around Jason right now. She wasn’t even sure what the heck their relationship was anymore. And she didn’t belong there.
She wasn’t the kind of girl who went to crowded, loud parties where everyone was drinking and hustling each other like that. She hadn’t even gotten in the door when she could feel the Spirit cautioning her. She recognized that now. She should have listened. If she hadn’t gone in there, she would still be as happy as she’d been when she’d left work, thinking she was off to see the gorgeous, talented love of her life.
Of course that was foolish and naïve. As much as she kept trying to
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