Read Online Fakes: An Anthology of Pseudo-Interviews, Faux-Lectures, Quasi-Letters, "Found" Texts, and Other Fraudulent Artifacts by David Shields, Matthew Vollmer - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: David Shields, Matthew Vollmer
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belong here you don’t belong here you don’t belong belong belong you don’t youdon’tyoudon’toudon’tdon’t—
Well, what she saying is exactly what I’m here to fix.
I go for my pocket where I was gonna get what I came in to show. My poem dumb ELA teacher put on the board in the hall, this morning she musta done it. Why she puttin that shit up in the hall I don’t know, don’t nobody wanna see that shit out there. Dont matter how nice it be, teacher puttin it up, you a punk. Lucky I untacked it fore anybody could start bustin on me bout it. But I kept it in my pocket and maybe it can get me ontha list since it’s a arts program, the new special program, an poems is art and my poems bout life and thas what Malique say they doin in here so maybe. Maybe.
So, I tell her, I got somethin for you.
But now she busy axing somebody else ta stay in they seat, jus have patience, soon as she Take Care a This , she be startin class. This.
An I lookin at who it is she tryin to get to stay in the room while she tryin to get me outta it, an I see it’s Devon. An nexta him is Hector who be bustin on Shawanna, who flirtin with James. An I get the deal now.
I know who belong in here. You gotta be bad to belong in here. Angerina says they tell them they been specially selected, but really it’s just that you gotta have like a daddy in jail, or a dropout sister, or a baby, or been arrested, or jus never come to school. You gotta be A Risk. Thas what the school like to call bad kids. A Risk.
Problem is this teacher thinkin how I am not on her list, I’m not A Risk, and I’m not belonging in here, but she will see soon enough. I am a surge cloud.
She sayin again about me leavin, so I say, I’M NOT DEAF ARE YOU?
That get her attention. Like she a dog an I the can that jus got opened.
So, steada the poem, I take outta my pocket one a the tacks that was holdin it up, an I shove it to Angerina near her face an she backs away cause she know it sharp. Teacher should know that. I got sharp objects in my pockets. She. Should. Know. That.
An I hype now, so I start stalkin. It ’ s a big room, lotta space in here, an I’m feelin it. See there this green paper coverin all the walls, like she tryin to make it look like grass in here steada the cracked whiteness in every other room. An there all these drawins over the green paper—an signs sayin cornpop shit bout choices. Like anybody in here got choices for real. I stalk their little circle a chairs a coupla times. Floors still dirty as everywhere.
She lookin mad tight now.
What’s your name? she axing me,
Whas your name? I axe her back.
She say she not lookin to play around an so I say again WHAS YOUR NAME?!
She try not to flinch.
I hear Malique sayin thas Nessa, I go over, slap his head, tell motherfucker to shut the fuck up cause he bunz.
Teacher come up again talking bout language an how she tryin to teach.
Yeah, I know that. What you think I come here for? I axe her. I tryin to get my eh-ju-ma-kay-tion. I tell her to quit beastin on me, an give me my snack. I axe her can I get some juice, my throat is dry, she don’t say nothin.
FINE.
She don’t like me. I can tell. Fine. I don’t like her neither. I tell her, I DON’T LIKE YOU.
I go to the back where the teacher desk is and there’s a cell phone sittin there, so I pick it up cause I always got people to call. But the keys is locked. She’s telling me to put it down, like I’m gonna steal it or somethin. And she’s saying it again about leavin and how she’s tryin to teach, but I don’t see her doin nothin but yellin at me and gettin all up in my business.
They got a microwave in this classroom and everything and I go look at it. To see if there’s any popcorn in there and then she is axing me do I need security. And I tell her go ahead. I LOVE SECURITY. She axe does she really have to call security and I say she don’t have to do nothin, but if she want to call security, she can go head. Security
Well, what she saying is exactly what I’m here to fix.
I go for my pocket where I was gonna get what I came in to show. My poem dumb ELA teacher put on the board in the hall, this morning she musta done it. Why she puttin that shit up in the hall I don’t know, don’t nobody wanna see that shit out there. Dont matter how nice it be, teacher puttin it up, you a punk. Lucky I untacked it fore anybody could start bustin on me bout it. But I kept it in my pocket and maybe it can get me ontha list since it’s a arts program, the new special program, an poems is art and my poems bout life and thas what Malique say they doin in here so maybe. Maybe.
So, I tell her, I got somethin for you.
But now she busy axing somebody else ta stay in they seat, jus have patience, soon as she Take Care a This , she be startin class. This.
An I lookin at who it is she tryin to get to stay in the room while she tryin to get me outta it, an I see it’s Devon. An nexta him is Hector who be bustin on Shawanna, who flirtin with James. An I get the deal now.
I know who belong in here. You gotta be bad to belong in here. Angerina says they tell them they been specially selected, but really it’s just that you gotta have like a daddy in jail, or a dropout sister, or a baby, or been arrested, or jus never come to school. You gotta be A Risk. Thas what the school like to call bad kids. A Risk.
Problem is this teacher thinkin how I am not on her list, I’m not A Risk, and I’m not belonging in here, but she will see soon enough. I am a surge cloud.
She sayin again about me leavin, so I say, I’M NOT DEAF ARE YOU?
That get her attention. Like she a dog an I the can that jus got opened.
So, steada the poem, I take outta my pocket one a the tacks that was holdin it up, an I shove it to Angerina near her face an she backs away cause she know it sharp. Teacher should know that. I got sharp objects in my pockets. She. Should. Know. That.
An I hype now, so I start stalkin. It ’ s a big room, lotta space in here, an I’m feelin it. See there this green paper coverin all the walls, like she tryin to make it look like grass in here steada the cracked whiteness in every other room. An there all these drawins over the green paper—an signs sayin cornpop shit bout choices. Like anybody in here got choices for real. I stalk their little circle a chairs a coupla times. Floors still dirty as everywhere.
She lookin mad tight now.
What’s your name? she axing me,
Whas your name? I axe her back.
She say she not lookin to play around an so I say again WHAS YOUR NAME?!
She try not to flinch.
I hear Malique sayin thas Nessa, I go over, slap his head, tell motherfucker to shut the fuck up cause he bunz.
Teacher come up again talking bout language an how she tryin to teach.
Yeah, I know that. What you think I come here for? I axe her. I tryin to get my eh-ju-ma-kay-tion. I tell her to quit beastin on me, an give me my snack. I axe her can I get some juice, my throat is dry, she don’t say nothin.
FINE.
She don’t like me. I can tell. Fine. I don’t like her neither. I tell her, I DON’T LIKE YOU.
I go to the back where the teacher desk is and there’s a cell phone sittin there, so I pick it up cause I always got people to call. But the keys is locked. She’s telling me to put it down, like I’m gonna steal it or somethin. And she’s saying it again about leavin and how she’s tryin to teach, but I don’t see her doin nothin but yellin at me and gettin all up in my business.
They got a microwave in this classroom and everything and I go look at it. To see if there’s any popcorn in there and then she is axing me do I need security. And I tell her go ahead. I LOVE SECURITY. She axe does she really have to call security and I say she don’t have to do nothin, but if she want to call security, she can go head. Security
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