before going back to sleep. Karen handed Morag to John while she adjusted her sling and then she gestured impatiently for the baby to be given back to her. "I just needed some greenery. The baby mush and the jingly fluffy toys were driving me crazy." "It's ok. I love Hampstead. Any excuse to come here." "We can maybe go to that little caf é in Flask Walk after we've been on the Heath?" "Mucho dinero. We need to watch our pennies. Besides, I'd rather go to the pub." "As if that wouldn't cost more! You're a responsible father now. Behave." They walked onto the Heath, past the people playing volleyball and up the path into the trees. John reached out and took Karen's hand. She reached up and placed her other hand on Morag's back to steady her. "I don't know if I can hold your hand and balance the baby," said Karen. Morag gurgled inscrutably. "I don't think you'll drop her." Karen sighed. "I know. I just get anxious." "It's natural, my dear. " He reached up and stroked her hair as they paused for a jogger to run past them. "Don't mess up my hair." "Tetchy." "Sorry. Let's walk." They set off again. When they had climbed to the top of Parliament Hill and could see the city spread out below them they gingerly sat down, steadying the babies as they lowered themselves. The babies didn't seem worried. "Do you still love me?" said Karen suddenly. "Of course. Don't be stupid." "Even though I smell of sick and I have a flabby belly and we don't do sex." "You're the mother of my children. You're my wife." "But the sex is a problem." "We'll work it out. When you feel ready." "What will you do in the meantime? What about your manly urges? What if some pretty secretary flutters her eyelids at you and bends forward so you can see down her top. Women do that you know." "I hadn't noticed. I don't think they see me as a man - just an "officer". Besides our secretaries have signed the Official Secrets Act. They aren't allowed to show off their boobies." Karen laughed. "I didn't know it was so restrictive." Crows flew overhead. The wind was from the east and cold. He folded his arms gently round Eilidh in her sling. She slept on. "Oh yes. It's very restrictive." "Are you happy? You seem to be." "I'm liking K4. Well, the work. My boss sucks." "I don't really like you working for them you know." "You encouraged me to go there!" "I know and I was wrong. I just thought you needed a job so we could start a family. I wish I'd let you drift now and become an academic or something. You shouldn't have let me persuade you." He s hrugged. "I didn't know what I really wanted. The James Bond thing seduced me. Frankton told me I shouldn't do it. I think I've drifted away from what I really am." Karen said, " You love all the excitement of the cloak and dagger stuff, but you're not lik e them. Awful conservatives. I'm scared stiff the Tories are going to provoke the Russians into starting a war." "Does it really worry you?" asked John, "I didn't realise." "Since we had kids it does. I don't want them dying in a nuclear attack. The way Reagan and his cronies talk, I think they'd carry out a first strike and think they'd win." He put his arm round her. "There's no winning." She was shaking. "People are scared," she said. "For God's sake, the Government's even sent out a pamphlet on how to build a nuclear shelter in your garden. As if that'll save us. If I didn't have the kids, I'd go and join the Greenham Common women and try and stop the cruise missiles." "You'd get all dirty and become a lesbian," he smiled, "though I'm not the kind of guy to criticise your life choices." She said, "Did you see that film Threads about the aftermath of a nuclear strike on Britain? That's what it'll be like if we don't stop Reagan and Thatcher." "Try not to worry about it." "But we need to do something," s he said. "We need to get this Government out." I know," he said. "I hate them too. I feel the odd one out at the Office. The miner's