Read Online Expecting Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse - Free Book Online Page A

“Oughtn’t to have looked at this, I suppose. Caught sight of my name and read it without thinking. I say, Wooster, old friend of my youth, this is rather funny. Do you mind if I have a drink? Thanks awfully and all that sort of rot. Yes, it’s rather funny, considering what I came to tell you. Jolly old Caffyn has given me a small part in that musical comedy of his, “Ask Dad.” Only a bit, you know, but quite tolerably ripe. I’m feeling frightfully braced, don’t you know!”
    He drank his drink, and went on. He didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t jumping about the room, yapping with joy.
    â€œYou know, I’ve always wanted to go on the stage, you know,” he said. “But my jolly old guv’nor wouldn’t stick it at any price. Put the old Waukeesi down with a bang, and turned bright purple whenever the subject was mentioned. That’s the real reason why I came over here, if you want to know. I knew there wasn’t a chance of my being able to work this stage wheeze in London without somebody getting on to it and tipping off the guv’nor, so I rather brainily sprang the scheme of popping over to Washington to broaden my mind. There’s nobody to interfere on this side, you see, so I can go right ahead!”
    I tried to reason with the poor chump.
    â€œBut your guv’nor will have to know some time.”
    â€œThat’ll be all right. I shall be the jolly old star by then, and he won’t have a leg to stand on.”
    â€œIt seems to me he’ll have one leg to stand on while he kicks me with the other.”
    â€œWhy, where do you come in? What have you got to do with it?”
    â€œI introduced you to George Caffyn.”
    â€œSo you did, old top, so you did. I’d quite forgotten. I ought to have thanked you before. Well, so long. There’s an early rehearsal of “Ask Dad” to-morrow morning, and I must be toddling. Rummy the thing should be called “Ask Dad,” when that’s just what I’m not going to do. See what I mean, what, what? Well, pip-pip!”
    â€œToodle-oo!” I said sadly, and the blighter scudded off. I dived for the phone and called up George Caffyn.
    â€œI say, George, what’s all this about Cyril Bassington-Bassington?”
    â€œWhat about him?”
    â€œHe tells me you’ve given him a part in your show.”
    â€œ Oh, yes. Just a few lines.”
    â€œBut I’ve just had fifty-seven cables from home telling me on no account to let him go on the stage.”
    â€œI’m sorry. But Cyril is just the type I need for that part. He’s simply got to be himself.”
    â€œIt’s pretty tough on me, George, old man. My Aunt Agatha sent this blighter over with a letter of introduction to me, and she will hold me responsible.”
    â€œShe’ll cut you out of her will?”
    â€œIt isn’t a question of money. But—of course, you’ve never met my Aunt Agatha, so it’s rather hard to explain. But she’s a sort of human vampire-bat, and she’ll make things most fearfully unpleasant for me when I go back to England. She’s the kind of woman who comes and rags you before breakfast, don’t you know.”
    â€œWell, don’t go back to England, then. Stick here and become President.”
    â€œBut, George, old top—!”
    â€œGood night!”
    â€œBut, I say, George, old man!”
    â€œYou didn’t get my last remark. It was “Good night!” You Idle Rich may not need any sleep, but I’ve got to be bright and fresh in the morning. God bless you!”
    I felt as if I hadn’t a friend in the world. I was so jolly well worked up that I went and banged on Jeeves’s door. It wasn’t a thing I’d have cared to do as a rule, but it seemed to me that now was the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party, so to speak, and that it was up to Jeeves to rally round