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Authors: Tara Elizabeth
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his stubble brushing along my cheek. I absently touch my face, wanting to feel it again—now that I can feel more than just peripheral sensations. Would it feel different now that I’m not in a gray fog? I imagine his dark eyes staring into mine. Will he see something different in my eyes the next time I see him? Will he see the life that is stirring within me?
“Mena?” Ethan’s clear blue eyes are questioning me as he interrupts my thoughts of someone else. As I look at him, I feel like I shouldn’t have been thinking of another person in that way—another new feeling. I wish I had names for them.
I quickly recover and say, “Sorry. I was just thinking about what we might have missed in combat training today.” I lie, which seems to be happening more and more lately.
“Probably not much. You know how they like to review the next day,” he responds. His easy tone assures me that he believes my fib. He adds, “Plus, I’m sure Valesca will tell you anything you want to know.” He uses Val’s full name, which strikes me as odd.
We continue discussing Exalted business as we head to the cafeteria for dinner. “Anything interesting on patrol today?” Ethan asks.
“Of course not. You?”
“No. Just corn,” he answers me.
If I could, I would allow my mouth to turn up right now at his unintended quip, but I nod instead. I deny myself the pleasure of my new expressions. It pains me to keep this act up. Every part of my being wants to feel and experience the world around me in new ways and have my body respond accordingly. I want to feel it all, experience everything.
I’m quiet at dinner, lost in my thoughts. Ethan sits with us and prompts Val to tell us what we missed in training. She explains that training was a review of everything we have done before, focusing on mastering each movement. Ethan and I exchange a glance, acknowledging that he was right in his earlier assumptions.
I’m distracted by my surroundings as Val and Ethan continue to chat. It’s strange that the same things I see everyday now have a different effect on me. I look at the trainees and their all-black attire. What I once thought was an efficient uniform, now seems boring. I believe the bright blue of the sky or the golden hue of the corn would make much more appealing garments. The Republic must have good reasons for limiting us to just one color.
There is a lull in the conversation around me, and I can almost hear my magnolia tree beckoning me. She’s calling out for some company, and I want a moment away from my fellow Exalted and their constant talk of training. I’ve enjoyed being in their company greatly the past several days, but this evening, I need some time alone. Excusing myself, I leave Val and Ethan at the cafeteria table to hash out new ways to win the Trials.
Jogging through what is beginning to feel like a prison, I alter my path to take me behind the old grocery store where we train. I take this route in hopes of going unnoticed. The air is thick, but the sky is clear with stars sprinkling the landscape above. There are very few people outside. Only a handful Exalted and citizens walk the Republic’s tidy paths. The large leaves of the tree provide cover as I climb. They camouflage me from the eyes of the Exalted gate guards. I perch on the same branch as before, and lean against the rough trunk of the tree. The sun is setting behind me as I look toward the East, over the waving fields that never end.
I patiently sit and wait, looking for movement and listening for anything unusual. The fields are empty except for the limited Exalted that patrol them. All is quiet beyond the rise of the wall.
I relax and let my mind wander, thinking of nothing in particular. A light breeze blows over me, and I relax even more.
Suddenly, a siren shocks me, nearly causing me to lose my balance and plummet to the ground below. Through the assaulting wail of the sirens there’s an equally loud pop, pop. The siren stops—as
“Mena?” Ethan’s clear blue eyes are questioning me as he interrupts my thoughts of someone else. As I look at him, I feel like I shouldn’t have been thinking of another person in that way—another new feeling. I wish I had names for them.
I quickly recover and say, “Sorry. I was just thinking about what we might have missed in combat training today.” I lie, which seems to be happening more and more lately.
“Probably not much. You know how they like to review the next day,” he responds. His easy tone assures me that he believes my fib. He adds, “Plus, I’m sure Valesca will tell you anything you want to know.” He uses Val’s full name, which strikes me as odd.
We continue discussing Exalted business as we head to the cafeteria for dinner. “Anything interesting on patrol today?” Ethan asks.
“Of course not. You?”
“No. Just corn,” he answers me.
If I could, I would allow my mouth to turn up right now at his unintended quip, but I nod instead. I deny myself the pleasure of my new expressions. It pains me to keep this act up. Every part of my being wants to feel and experience the world around me in new ways and have my body respond accordingly. I want to feel it all, experience everything.
I’m quiet at dinner, lost in my thoughts. Ethan sits with us and prompts Val to tell us what we missed in training. She explains that training was a review of everything we have done before, focusing on mastering each movement. Ethan and I exchange a glance, acknowledging that he was right in his earlier assumptions.
I’m distracted by my surroundings as Val and Ethan continue to chat. It’s strange that the same things I see everyday now have a different effect on me. I look at the trainees and their all-black attire. What I once thought was an efficient uniform, now seems boring. I believe the bright blue of the sky or the golden hue of the corn would make much more appealing garments. The Republic must have good reasons for limiting us to just one color.
There is a lull in the conversation around me, and I can almost hear my magnolia tree beckoning me. She’s calling out for some company, and I want a moment away from my fellow Exalted and their constant talk of training. I’ve enjoyed being in their company greatly the past several days, but this evening, I need some time alone. Excusing myself, I leave Val and Ethan at the cafeteria table to hash out new ways to win the Trials.
Jogging through what is beginning to feel like a prison, I alter my path to take me behind the old grocery store where we train. I take this route in hopes of going unnoticed. The air is thick, but the sky is clear with stars sprinkling the landscape above. There are very few people outside. Only a handful Exalted and citizens walk the Republic’s tidy paths. The large leaves of the tree provide cover as I climb. They camouflage me from the eyes of the Exalted gate guards. I perch on the same branch as before, and lean against the rough trunk of the tree. The sun is setting behind me as I look toward the East, over the waving fields that never end.
I patiently sit and wait, looking for movement and listening for anything unusual. The fields are empty except for the limited Exalted that patrol them. All is quiet beyond the rise of the wall.
I relax and let my mind wander, thinking of nothing in particular. A light breeze blows over me, and I relax even more.
Suddenly, a siren shocks me, nearly causing me to lose my balance and plummet to the ground below. Through the assaulting wail of the sirens there’s an equally loud pop, pop. The siren stops—as
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