end of reasons. He has made a lot of enemies over his nine hundred years. He is grumpy, bossy, greedy, powerful beyond compare, runs the Councils in a strict but I think fair way, but is the Boss, so has enemies.
And then there were the vampires to consider. He, and they, namely Head Vampire Taavi, do not get on. They are what you would call, not close friends. They disagree about everything. The only thing they ever agreed on was staying Hidden, and even then there have been times when Taavi pushes for revelation, saying it would be better for everyone, meaning he and his kind could run riot and recruit so many vampires that the world would be teeming with them. Not a good idea. It has led to arguments, for sure.
That didn't tie with goblin ninjas, and I couldn't believe I was even thinking it. There was no such thing, was there? I'd certainly never heard of them, but then, there is a lot of weird stuff in our world, so why not? I felt stupid. Goblin ninjas, yeah, right!
The leather squeaked as I leaned back, offering firm support to my aching body. I closed my eyes and let the technique I've mastered over decades rejuvenate me. Everything faded apart from the hum of the air con, the cool air washing over me like feathers dipped in ice. It was glorious. Quiet.
Dark magic makes you so sick you want to curl up and die, but get the balance right—just enough to permeate your mind and body to let the energy flow—then you can beat the sickness, or let it wash over you and recede, leaving behind energy that can whip away the tiredness and the pain, allow you to feel like you've had a full night's sleep. You come back to yourself a few minutes later refreshed and with a clear mind.
I gave it ten.
Another day in bed was what I needed. I'd been roused too early, like a vampire that's gone without feeding for too long, or stayed up in the daytime after centuries of strictly nocturnal action. I required just another day to get my head straight, my body back to being mine, and for the effects of my last enforcer job to be washed away, leaving me whole and ready to face our world again.
Ten minutes of deep immersion in dark magic would have to do. And it did.
"Okay, let's go see the gnomes then. First, how are the kids, Intus? And Illus, is the wife well?" I thought a little normal conversation would help me remain calm. I was wrong.
There was silence, and it got uncomfortable. Kate stared at me. I shrugged. Intus tried to make me burst into flames with his eyes. Well, not quite, as if he had been trying then I would have. "What? I only asked."
"What makes you think I have a wife? That's sexist that is. You'd think in this day and age we'd be beyond such gender stereotypes. I don't go around accusing Kate of being a woman and you of being whatever you are. I've got rights. I'll have you know that I'm a modern imp and such lazy thinking on your part, Spark, is what gives us a bad name. I am more than male or female, and I take it as a personal insult..."
I turned up the air con.
It helped to drown out Intus' rants about the fact imps had always been above any form of gender bias, and didn't even have words in their own language for male or female as they were so highly evolved as a species.
I almost interrupted and asked why, if they were so evolved, they spent such a ridiculous amount of time moving tiny pieces of Lego just so parents would stand on them in the night. And why they insisted on weakening the stitching on overweight people's jeans right in the crotch so they would split the next time they were in public.
Not to mention their obsession with putting gloves everywhere you looked all through the summer, but as soon as it was winter you couldn't find them as imps had hidden them. They found that one especially hilarious, but I was strung out and I couldn't be bothered.
I'd just get a cheeky answer, as Intus is great at comebacks. They spend centuries memorizing long lists of them for every possible scenario,
And then there were the vampires to consider. He, and they, namely Head Vampire Taavi, do not get on. They are what you would call, not close friends. They disagree about everything. The only thing they ever agreed on was staying Hidden, and even then there have been times when Taavi pushes for revelation, saying it would be better for everyone, meaning he and his kind could run riot and recruit so many vampires that the world would be teeming with them. Not a good idea. It has led to arguments, for sure.
That didn't tie with goblin ninjas, and I couldn't believe I was even thinking it. There was no such thing, was there? I'd certainly never heard of them, but then, there is a lot of weird stuff in our world, so why not? I felt stupid. Goblin ninjas, yeah, right!
The leather squeaked as I leaned back, offering firm support to my aching body. I closed my eyes and let the technique I've mastered over decades rejuvenate me. Everything faded apart from the hum of the air con, the cool air washing over me like feathers dipped in ice. It was glorious. Quiet.
Dark magic makes you so sick you want to curl up and die, but get the balance right—just enough to permeate your mind and body to let the energy flow—then you can beat the sickness, or let it wash over you and recede, leaving behind energy that can whip away the tiredness and the pain, allow you to feel like you've had a full night's sleep. You come back to yourself a few minutes later refreshed and with a clear mind.
I gave it ten.
Another day in bed was what I needed. I'd been roused too early, like a vampire that's gone without feeding for too long, or stayed up in the daytime after centuries of strictly nocturnal action. I required just another day to get my head straight, my body back to being mine, and for the effects of my last enforcer job to be washed away, leaving me whole and ready to face our world again.
Ten minutes of deep immersion in dark magic would have to do. And it did.
"Okay, let's go see the gnomes then. First, how are the kids, Intus? And Illus, is the wife well?" I thought a little normal conversation would help me remain calm. I was wrong.
There was silence, and it got uncomfortable. Kate stared at me. I shrugged. Intus tried to make me burst into flames with his eyes. Well, not quite, as if he had been trying then I would have. "What? I only asked."
"What makes you think I have a wife? That's sexist that is. You'd think in this day and age we'd be beyond such gender stereotypes. I don't go around accusing Kate of being a woman and you of being whatever you are. I've got rights. I'll have you know that I'm a modern imp and such lazy thinking on your part, Spark, is what gives us a bad name. I am more than male or female, and I take it as a personal insult..."
I turned up the air con.
It helped to drown out Intus' rants about the fact imps had always been above any form of gender bias, and didn't even have words in their own language for male or female as they were so highly evolved as a species.
I almost interrupted and asked why, if they were so evolved, they spent such a ridiculous amount of time moving tiny pieces of Lego just so parents would stand on them in the night. And why they insisted on weakening the stitching on overweight people's jeans right in the crotch so they would split the next time they were in public.
Not to mention their obsession with putting gloves everywhere you looked all through the summer, but as soon as it was winter you couldn't find them as imps had hidden them. They found that one especially hilarious, but I was strung out and I couldn't be bothered.
I'd just get a cheeky answer, as Intus is great at comebacks. They spend centuries memorizing long lists of them for every possible scenario,
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