thoughts raced through my head at
once, a barrage of possibilities. I briefly thought of screaming, but then was
mortified at the thought of everyone racing in, having to break down the door,
and then seeing us that way. What would they think? Would they think that I was
a tease or a slut? Or what if someone called the police? No, I definitely
couldn’t deal with that kind of drama. Plus, my mom and grandma would find out
that I had snuck out. They would be beyond anger. I couldn’t face disappointing
them like that. No. I had to deal with this myself. I could figure it out.
When he didn’t respond to my demand, I
tried to jerk my wrist from his grasp. He gripped harder and reached out for
the other wrist with a quickness that startled me. I felt that same clench of
panic in my gut from earlier in that evening and in a second of clarity that I
would later look back on, I realized that in that moment I knew what was about
to happen and how it would change me forever.
SABRINA: The moment Roshell stepped into the kitchen where Ethan and I were
staring googley eyed over chips and salsa, I recognized the tension in her
instantly. How could I not, it was literally oozing off of her. Something was
wrong. She had her shoes and socks in hands and marched down the hallway. Her
movements were jerky and she was staring at the floor. And when I asked her
what was the matter, I didn’t believe her answer. She couldn’t even look me in
the face. Something was HORRIBLY wrong.
I barely heard Sabrina ask me what was the
matter. Distracted, I answered in a brisk, unfriendly tone: “Nothing, it’s just
real late and I want to get home before we’re caught.”
Sabrina gave a worried look then scooted
down the hall to get dressed. I leaned against the wall, trying to control my
breathing. I stiffened when, from around the corner, I heard Sabrina snap: “You
better not have upset my friend, or I will personally kick your ass.”
The sick sound of Erin snickering floated
down the hall reaching my ears. It made me want to throw up. I put my hand to
my stomach when I heard his icy voice: “What’s the matter? You wanna piece of
me too?”
SABRINA: My stomach was doing flip-flops. What had this creep done to my
friend? He had this eerie grin and an intolerable air of indifference, like
whatever he’d done was okay, but I knew it wasn’t. I just wanted to get Roshell
out of there and talk with her privately.
The walk home was silent and oppressive. By
the time we finally neared the other side of the dam, Sabrina broke the
silence. “Look, I know that something is wrong. You are clearly upset about
what happened back there. What is it?”
She glanced my direction, watching the way
I furrowed my brows and clenched my jaw before answering. “Nothing worth
talking about.”
Sabrina stopped, grasped my arm and spun me
around until we faced each other. “I’m not going any further until you tell me
exactly what is going on with you. Did you guys have a fight or something?” The
question hung in the air.
I shook free from Sabrina’s hold and gave a
sickening laugh, slowly walking forward again, “No, we just had sex.” My tone
was flat and lifeless, a reflection of my inner state.
Sabrina balked for a second before hurrying
to catch up. That was the last thing that she would have expected to come out
of my mouth.
After a few awkward moments, Sabrina said,
“I know it can be disappointing the first time… and it hurts…” She paused,
looking uncomfortable. A new thought passed over her features “Uh, did you guys
use protection?”
I gave another smirking laugh and snapped,
“Protection was probably the last thing on that asshole’s mind, now just drop
it okay?”
I knew that my behavior was probably
alarming my friend and that Sabrina was smart enough to figure out what had occurred
on her own, but I truly didn’t care.
“Roshell? What are you talking about? Did
he force himself? Did he
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