me . I relished the warm and fuzzy emotions I always got from this film. It was an oasis of silly fun away from my hell of reality. I felt him looking at me, so I lifted my head and looked up at him. He lifted my chin with his index, running the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. I shivered from his touch, but not in the way he interpreted it. The warm and fuzzy feeling turned to a frigid block of ice.
“I love you, you know that , don’t you?” His eyes had changed from a dark intense blue, to a clear almost light blue. I used to love looking into his eyes, I once believed they were the prettiest, kindest eyes I had ever seen. How foolish was that notion?
He lowered his head and ever so gently kissed my mouth. His hand traced a gentle pattern along my jaw , sending a nervous buzz through my body. He deepened the kiss forcing my lips to co- operate. He paused and placed his forehead against mine. Slightly breathless, he said, “You are everything to me. I couldn’t stand it if I forced you to leave me.”
“I...I’m here . I’m not going anywhere,” I said. I pressed gently against his chest to push myself away from him. But he held me to him, holding me captive. I wasn’t going anywhere because he wouldn’t let me, now or ever.
He kissed me again, sliding his hands behind me , cupping my bottom. As he pulled me closer to him, my body hurt with its rigid posture. My fight or flight instinct kicked in, and I wanted to run and hide. But I never ran, and when I hid, he found me. He was trying to be gentle, but I hated his touch. His gentleness was unpredictable. Anger I could anticipate; this I couldn’t.
“You are perfect ,” he said, trailing kisses along my jaw and down my neck. He paused and lifted his head. Staring at my neck, he slowly lifted his hand and ran his fingers along the base of my throat and collarbone.
“I did this ?” he whispered solemnly. I didn’t respond; I remained silent and as still as I could. “I'm so sorry.” He buried his head in my neck, and again, I remained unmoving. I felt like a doll, moved into position under duress, held captive by my tormentor. I clung to the little hope his apology offered, hoping he would free me; I clung to that fleeting hope like a drowning person clutching at a life raft. But I knew the truth, the one that hid deep down within the depths of my soul because I’d pushed it there. It hollered at me that I was already that drowned person, drowned in a sea of utter self-disgust.
He licked a sloppy trail up my neck and traced it back down with his nose . A low groan sounded in his throat. He pulled away and followed where his lips had been with his index finger. “God, you are beautiful. I don’t deserve you.”
He pulled me to him so I was straddling his lap completely . Placing my hands on his shoulders, he slid his hands up my back and cupped the back of my neck. He blew out a long breath, and my body froze. After the past couple of days, I wasn’t sure how this was going to go.
“I’m sorry I hurt you . I don’t...” A tear rolled down his face. “I should let you move on, find someone else who deserves you. But it kills me to think of you in the arms of someone else.” His voice broke, followed by heartbreaking sobs. “Do you want to leave me?”
I started crying too , because the truth was how could I leave? We were so intertwined, how would I ever escape him without losing everything? His barbed wire hold on my heart tightened. I once believed this softer side to him. I held some hope that I could appeal to this side of his nature, but I once fell prey to this gentle side, I paid a hefty painful price. He soon turned it against me. This wasn’t him giving me a choice, it was his way of testing me.
He lifted his head and searched my eyes; he gently brushed my hair away from my face . “You make me crazy. I’ve never been like this with anyone else.”
“I know ,” I replied.
“Now , let’s try that kissing thing
“I love you, you know that , don’t you?” His eyes had changed from a dark intense blue, to a clear almost light blue. I used to love looking into his eyes, I once believed they were the prettiest, kindest eyes I had ever seen. How foolish was that notion?
He lowered his head and ever so gently kissed my mouth. His hand traced a gentle pattern along my jaw , sending a nervous buzz through my body. He deepened the kiss forcing my lips to co- operate. He paused and placed his forehead against mine. Slightly breathless, he said, “You are everything to me. I couldn’t stand it if I forced you to leave me.”
“I...I’m here . I’m not going anywhere,” I said. I pressed gently against his chest to push myself away from him. But he held me to him, holding me captive. I wasn’t going anywhere because he wouldn’t let me, now or ever.
He kissed me again, sliding his hands behind me , cupping my bottom. As he pulled me closer to him, my body hurt with its rigid posture. My fight or flight instinct kicked in, and I wanted to run and hide. But I never ran, and when I hid, he found me. He was trying to be gentle, but I hated his touch. His gentleness was unpredictable. Anger I could anticipate; this I couldn’t.
“You are perfect ,” he said, trailing kisses along my jaw and down my neck. He paused and lifted his head. Staring at my neck, he slowly lifted his hand and ran his fingers along the base of my throat and collarbone.
“I did this ?” he whispered solemnly. I didn’t respond; I remained silent and as still as I could. “I'm so sorry.” He buried his head in my neck, and again, I remained unmoving. I felt like a doll, moved into position under duress, held captive by my tormentor. I clung to the little hope his apology offered, hoping he would free me; I clung to that fleeting hope like a drowning person clutching at a life raft. But I knew the truth, the one that hid deep down within the depths of my soul because I’d pushed it there. It hollered at me that I was already that drowned person, drowned in a sea of utter self-disgust.
He licked a sloppy trail up my neck and traced it back down with his nose . A low groan sounded in his throat. He pulled away and followed where his lips had been with his index finger. “God, you are beautiful. I don’t deserve you.”
He pulled me to him so I was straddling his lap completely . Placing my hands on his shoulders, he slid his hands up my back and cupped the back of my neck. He blew out a long breath, and my body froze. After the past couple of days, I wasn’t sure how this was going to go.
“I’m sorry I hurt you . I don’t...” A tear rolled down his face. “I should let you move on, find someone else who deserves you. But it kills me to think of you in the arms of someone else.” His voice broke, followed by heartbreaking sobs. “Do you want to leave me?”
I started crying too , because the truth was how could I leave? We were so intertwined, how would I ever escape him without losing everything? His barbed wire hold on my heart tightened. I once believed this softer side to him. I held some hope that I could appeal to this side of his nature, but I once fell prey to this gentle side, I paid a hefty painful price. He soon turned it against me. This wasn’t him giving me a choice, it was his way of testing me.
He lifted his head and searched my eyes; he gently brushed my hair away from my face . “You make me crazy. I’ve never been like this with anyone else.”
“I know ,” I replied.
“Now , let’s try that kissing thing
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