Dadâs. The way Roy used to be.
Dad double-parked in front of J&M Variety in Yonkers and said, âAfter this, what do you say we swing over to the Nathanâs and get a couple hot dogs? How does that sound?â
âThatâs sounds great,â Nicky said, amazed that this great day kept getting better and better.
âKeep your eyes open out here,â Dad said over his shoulder. âThis ainât the best neighborhood anymore.â
Nicky kept his eyes open. The street was quiet, except for a handful of black teenage boys up the block, one boy sitting on the hood of a car, two standing in the street. Nicky wasnât sure, but he thought one of the boys gestured toward the Yum-E-Cakes van. He wished Dad had not turned on the vanâs blinkers, which surely drew attention. Nicky wished Dad would hurry up.
Dad stumbled out of J&M Variety, doubled over, clutching his stomach, holding on to the door. At once, Nicky knew what must have happenedâDad had interrupted a holdup and was shot or stabbed. Nicky opened his mouth to shout, but the scene was too horrible, too unbelievable for his brain to grasp. The words stuck in his throat.
Still doubled over, Dad leaned against the truck and worked his way to the driverâs side. With great effort he climbed behind the wheel.
Nicky said in a small, terrified voice, âDad, were you shot? Knifed?â
âWorse,â Dad said numbly, staring at the windshield. âNicky â¦â
He turned his face toward Nicky. Dadâs skin was gray.
âThere was a message in there. From Mom. Itâs Roy.â
âWhat about Roy?â
âHeâs ⦠gone. Heâs gone.â
âDaddy â¦â
âHeâs gone. I donât know what happened. Heâs a clerk. I donât know. Oh, God.â
Dad started the van and roared away from the curb.
âOh, God. What did I do?â Dad said in a small tight voice as he careened down the streets. âWhat did I do? What did I do?â
Nicky and Dad said nothing on the drive home. The only sound inside the van was the squeaking of Dadâs hands as he twisted them on the steering wheel. Dad wordlessly drove like a madman, speeding, weaving, cutting off cars, narrowly missing pedestrians.
Nickyâs mind worked on what to do next, with Roy gone. He came up blank. All he could think about was the day Roy took him to Popopâs variety store and bought him a set of plastic dinosaurs. Then Roy took him home and helped him fashion a dinosaur park on the coffee table out of paper plates and plastic forks.
At a stoplight, Nicky caught the festive, happy smell of french fries on the warm air, and the odor made him sick to his stomach.
When Dad careened off Lockdale and roared down Groton,straight toward Eggplant Alley, Nicky picked out their kitchen window. As the van rumbled down the ramp into the underground garage, he caught a glimpse of Momâs face at the window. Her face was twisted into a horrible mask of grief. Even from five stories down, from a speeding delivery truck, Nicky could tell Mom had been sobbing. So it was true after all.
Nicky followed his father in a mad dash up the stairs thinking, âOur lives will never ever be normal again.â And as they reached the fifth floor, âIâm sorry I ever ever complained about anything, because now I really have something to be sad about.â
Dadâs back heaved as he worked his key into the door. He pushed the door open. Something made the door push back at him, and Dad straight-armed the door so that it swung open with a bang, the way cops burst into an apartment on a raid.
Mom appeared in the hallway, and the sight of her unglued Dad. His hands were shaking. Dad pulled at his fingers like a little boy and whimpered, âWhat have I done? What have I done?â
Mom said, âSalvatore? Whatâs the matter with you? Are you drunk? Take it easy. Donât get so upset.
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