and directly ahead is the only source of light: the window in the door to a roof garden that must extend over the master suite and part of Persieâs space. Both bedroom doors, Annaâs and mine, were closed. I couldnât hear Persieâs screams from here, though probably from inside Annaâs room I could have.
Alone in the room Iâm to call mine whilst Iâm here, I stood and looked around, seeing nothing, really. I felt light-headed and almost like I could have fainted, if I were the fainting type. My throat and chest felt tight, constricted, almost painful. I reached out to steady myself against the tallboy to the right of the door, closed my eyes, and willed myself to be calm.
When my breathing settled, I opened my eyes and moved slowly from place to place, first trying out the chair at the desk along the left wall, where there was already a colour printer and a laptop computer, user ID and password written on a piece of paper beside it. Then I tried the overstuffed reading chair in the far left corner, floor lamp and small table beside it. Sitting there, facing the bay window in the back wall of the room, which has a window seat, I could see the roof garden. I had to admit itâs a big, luxurious room, and with the locked door, and with Anna mostly spending time with Persie, I could almost have had a cat up here. But I wonât be here long enough.
There are light blue papered walls, and a thick navy and cream Chinese rug on the cream carpeting. But the best feature is the skylight. Iâll be able to lie on the bed and gaze up at the sky whilst Graeme is doing the same thing.
Graeme!
A wave of tears washed over my eyes, fight them though I tried. I held my breath to keep from sobbing, and then I picked up one of the pillows on the bed and screamed into it a few times. That helped take the edge off this empty, gaping loneliness. I hugged the pillow and heard my own voice say, âOh, Tinker Bell!â and then I couldnât keep the tears back any longer. I fell sideways onto the bed.
After my cry, my abdomen hurt; the sobs had been that wrenching. I sat up, massaging my middle, and noticed that my baggage was already here. But I wasnât quite ready to start unpacking, so I wandered out onto the roof. Itâs a large, open space with raked gravel underfoot, two separate round metal tables with three chairs each, and several potted evergreens. With that dumbwaiter, I could have whatever meals I wanted to eat alone up here. Thereâs nothing to shield from the rain, though, and as I said it gets cold enough to snow here, so there are limits. The view isnât much; the building isnât tall enough to see over some of its bigger neighbours. But itâll be like having my own private patio, unless Anna uses it, too. Iâll have to see about discouraging that.
Back inside, I passed by my door and headed down the hall that leads to the front of the house. On my right I noticed the door to the bathroom, standing open, and ahead was the guest bedroom BM had mentioned. Vaguely curious, I decided to see whether he had given me the better of these two rooms.
The front bedroom is hugeâa little larger than mineâbut instead of the refreshing blue, this one is in heavy, deep maroons and browns. Thereâs a skylight here, too, and the room needs it. And thereâs a bay window overlooking the street. Itâs a quiet street, but I expect my room will be quieter than this one. Plus I like the light feel of the blue. I considered leaving BM with the impression that I thought he had given me the lesser room, but I donât want him to call my bluff; Iâd rather have the blue one.
Rather than a bath, which Mum was probably having right now, I decided I did need a shower. But I had to unpack enough to find my robe, slippers, and a change of clothes first, and rather than just unearth a few things, I decided to get the unpacking over with.
It felt so odd,
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