Read Online DUBIOUS by Tina Brooks McKinney - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Tina Brooks McKinney
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these four-legged bitches than you ever did for me. I supported you, cleaned your clothes, listened to your pathetic whining when you were sick, sucked your dick, and this is the thanks I get? How fucking foolish I was to believe in you, to care about you. When this shit is over, don’t you ever contact me again. I’m done crying over you!” I slammed the phone down, visibly shaking from the rage I felt.
How can this fucker be so stupid? I put my head in my pillow to stifle my screams. I felt the same pain as if it were just yesterday. It was over two years ago when I had found out I was pregnant. It was an accident, one of Randy’s rare visits to the house. I had gotten into the shower with him.
I kept it a secret until I’d passed my second trimester; by then, it was too late to do anything about it. Instinctively, I knew he would not be pleased with the timing so I hid it from him. I also felt he would warm to the idea as we got closer to the due date. I went to the kennel to tell him about the baby, but he was distracted.
One of the dogs was giving birth, and he wasn’t listening to me at all. I had placed his hand on my stomach, he absently patted it. I had expected him to say something about the roundness of my belly but he didn’t. He was watching the dogs on a television monitor he had installed. I willed our baby to move and it did. He felt it, snatching his hand away as if touching my belly had burned him. His eyes asked the question his lips refused to pose. I nodded my head, affirming his thoughts. I was so excited. I thought he would be too. I was wrong. I remembered that day as if it were ten minutes ago.
“ Why, Felicia? Why now?” He gave me a look that I’d never seen before.
“ Huh?” Obviously I had missed some part of the conversation.
“ I thought we were going to wait on children. Why are you doing this now?”
I was burning on a slow fuse. What should have been the happiest moment of our lives was quickly turning into the worst. “Why am I doing this? I didn’t get pregnant by myself, you know.” I was still trying to hold on to some semblance of a relationship. He had other ideas and if I was listening to the things he hadn’t said versus what he had, I would have learned something.
“ Well, we’ll get rid of it,” he said that as if the life growing inside of me meant absolutely nothing to him.
“ We’ll do no such thing. Are you mad?” My hands were on my hips, nerves instantly shot.
“ Felicia, be reasonable. I just started this business.” He gestured to our surroundings. “You’re already overworked at your job. We don’t have time for a baby.”
“ How the hell do you know what I’ve got time for? It’s you who doesn’t have time for anything except this kennel.”
His attention was back on the monitor, and I was forgotten.
CHAPTER 7
Felicia
He’d stated his views, and I lost the baby the following week. I didn’t understand it at the time but in hindsight, he had killed our baby just like he killed our marriage. Losing a child at six months was full-blown childbirth without the bundle of joy to carry home and fawn over. I felt like a failure as a woman. I should have been able to rest my head on Randy’s shoulder, but it was not available for me to cry on. I had to rely on Kenya to help me through my pain.
I climbed out of bed, determined on banishing those painful memories to the darkest corner of my mind. So much for chilling the fuck out! I quickly threw on a pair of sweat pants and a pullover, being careful not to mess up my hair.
Going back out the house was the furthest thing from my mind. As I packed an overnight bag and grabbed my purse, I decided to let Justus go with me. I had no intentions of staying the night, but I needed to be prepared just in case something funky happened. If we didn’t have to go to court the following morning—nine times out of ten—I would’ve said fuck them animals, but I had to at
How can this fucker be so stupid? I put my head in my pillow to stifle my screams. I felt the same pain as if it were just yesterday. It was over two years ago when I had found out I was pregnant. It was an accident, one of Randy’s rare visits to the house. I had gotten into the shower with him.
I kept it a secret until I’d passed my second trimester; by then, it was too late to do anything about it. Instinctively, I knew he would not be pleased with the timing so I hid it from him. I also felt he would warm to the idea as we got closer to the due date. I went to the kennel to tell him about the baby, but he was distracted.
One of the dogs was giving birth, and he wasn’t listening to me at all. I had placed his hand on my stomach, he absently patted it. I had expected him to say something about the roundness of my belly but he didn’t. He was watching the dogs on a television monitor he had installed. I willed our baby to move and it did. He felt it, snatching his hand away as if touching my belly had burned him. His eyes asked the question his lips refused to pose. I nodded my head, affirming his thoughts. I was so excited. I thought he would be too. I was wrong. I remembered that day as if it were ten minutes ago.
“ Why, Felicia? Why now?” He gave me a look that I’d never seen before.
“ Huh?” Obviously I had missed some part of the conversation.
“ I thought we were going to wait on children. Why are you doing this now?”
I was burning on a slow fuse. What should have been the happiest moment of our lives was quickly turning into the worst. “Why am I doing this? I didn’t get pregnant by myself, you know.” I was still trying to hold on to some semblance of a relationship. He had other ideas and if I was listening to the things he hadn’t said versus what he had, I would have learned something.
“ Well, we’ll get rid of it,” he said that as if the life growing inside of me meant absolutely nothing to him.
“ We’ll do no such thing. Are you mad?” My hands were on my hips, nerves instantly shot.
“ Felicia, be reasonable. I just started this business.” He gestured to our surroundings. “You’re already overworked at your job. We don’t have time for a baby.”
“ How the hell do you know what I’ve got time for? It’s you who doesn’t have time for anything except this kennel.”
His attention was back on the monitor, and I was forgotten.
CHAPTER 7
Felicia
He’d stated his views, and I lost the baby the following week. I didn’t understand it at the time but in hindsight, he had killed our baby just like he killed our marriage. Losing a child at six months was full-blown childbirth without the bundle of joy to carry home and fawn over. I felt like a failure as a woman. I should have been able to rest my head on Randy’s shoulder, but it was not available for me to cry on. I had to rely on Kenya to help me through my pain.
I climbed out of bed, determined on banishing those painful memories to the darkest corner of my mind. So much for chilling the fuck out! I quickly threw on a pair of sweat pants and a pullover, being careful not to mess up my hair.
Going back out the house was the furthest thing from my mind. As I packed an overnight bag and grabbed my purse, I decided to let Justus go with me. I had no intentions of staying the night, but I needed to be prepared just in case something funky happened. If we didn’t have to go to court the following morning—nine times out of ten—I would’ve said fuck them animals, but I had to at
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