out five zombies from the zombie room. I sat them down on an easy to utilize ramp. The men sat in upright red padded chairs behind the ramp. They sucked the zombies’ blood.
After they got their fill Vlad wanted to chat.
“I tell you secret only us vampires know. My Papa’s great many great ex cetera papa, that is Vlad the Impalar, was Nicolai Machiavelli. It’s true. He went to Italy looking thirty eight years younger, because he is a vampire. He said I’m Nicolai Machiavelli and it’s better to be fear loved and all that shit. He wrote this in his books and nobody followed Christ anymore. Everybody from then on follow vampires. All the popes except Pope John XXVI and Paul VI from then on were vampires. Why John XXVI and Paul VI were not vampires. It’s those damn nineteen sixties.”
For two months I had a steady business of Zombies harvest. I could recycle the same fifty zombies. Everyone told me that Zombie blood taste as good as live human blood. This was the consensus till George W Bush came to town.
“Zombie blood taste like shit!” Bush remarked after dipping his fangs in a sample. He stood next to me in my lab.
“Everybody told me this taste the same as human blood.”
“Son, they don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“But no living human has been attacked by a vampire here since I introduce my zombies.”
“Any vampire that doesn’t suck blood from a living human is a fag.”
He looked at the crowd that had been following him. “Now get out there and bite an alive human!”
The crowd cheered.
“You stupid Imperialist American! You think you controlled whole world.” Scalded Vlad at me. He had stopped me in the street as I exit my rented car to go to my room after departing from the lab, Vlad continued:
“Vampires rule the world! Democracy is a trick to sedate the people. It’s the new world order. Count George Bush, a mid-level vampire, first declared, while he was the United States President to the world that they would be under this great new world order. First level of New world dictatorship is the Free Masons with their control over Mormons, the Moonies, the Nazis, Al Quada the Red Brigade and you know the people in America with the white sheets over the heads; killing niggers?”
“You mean the Klu Klux Klan?” I clarified trying to move past him and his gang. to get to my room
“Da, the next level’s illumuni.” He blocked my way.
“Then there is the six ruling families and at the top the Council of seven. The dictators of the world. All vampires. I should know I’m one of the seven.”
I laughed, “Why would one of seven who ruled the world want to talk to little ole me.” I looked sheepishly at the window of my room.
“Okay. Okay maybe I’m going to be one of the Seven just not yet. I am a direct descendant of Vlad the Impalar and do live in biggest castle in the county.”
“Then you’re a count?”
“And king of all Vampires in Romania and Bulgaria.”
“So, I don’t understand why you care what I do?”
“Because you fucking with a gypsy. I don’t mean fucking, fucking. I mean fucking with a gypsy. Gypsies are dirt. Gypsies are slaves. They’re donkeys and you’re treating Nadia like a human being. How can I’m keep gypsies down if you make them go up. Because of you, all gypsies might think they up. I don’t want those gypsies to get any ideas. I have to rule those people and you ruined it. You American, especially you! You talk like shit and walk like a drunk and yet because you’re an American you’re rich.”
“I’m not rich.”
“How much salary you make last year? Answer me or I get mad.”
“ Thirty thousand dollars”
After they got their fill Vlad wanted to chat.
“I tell you secret only us vampires know. My Papa’s great many great ex cetera papa, that is Vlad the Impalar, was Nicolai Machiavelli. It’s true. He went to Italy looking thirty eight years younger, because he is a vampire. He said I’m Nicolai Machiavelli and it’s better to be fear loved and all that shit. He wrote this in his books and nobody followed Christ anymore. Everybody from then on follow vampires. All the popes except Pope John XXVI and Paul VI from then on were vampires. Why John XXVI and Paul VI were not vampires. It’s those damn nineteen sixties.”
For two months I had a steady business of Zombies harvest. I could recycle the same fifty zombies. Everyone told me that Zombie blood taste as good as live human blood. This was the consensus till George W Bush came to town.
“Zombie blood taste like shit!” Bush remarked after dipping his fangs in a sample. He stood next to me in my lab.
“Everybody told me this taste the same as human blood.”
“Son, they don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“But no living human has been attacked by a vampire here since I introduce my zombies.”
“Any vampire that doesn’t suck blood from a living human is a fag.”
He looked at the crowd that had been following him. “Now get out there and bite an alive human!”
The crowd cheered.
“You stupid Imperialist American! You think you controlled whole world.” Scalded Vlad at me. He had stopped me in the street as I exit my rented car to go to my room after departing from the lab, Vlad continued:
“Vampires rule the world! Democracy is a trick to sedate the people. It’s the new world order. Count George Bush, a mid-level vampire, first declared, while he was the United States President to the world that they would be under this great new world order. First level of New world dictatorship is the Free Masons with their control over Mormons, the Moonies, the Nazis, Al Quada the Red Brigade and you know the people in America with the white sheets over the heads; killing niggers?”
“You mean the Klu Klux Klan?” I clarified trying to move past him and his gang. to get to my room
“Da, the next level’s illumuni.” He blocked my way.
“Then there is the six ruling families and at the top the Council of seven. The dictators of the world. All vampires. I should know I’m one of the seven.”
I laughed, “Why would one of seven who ruled the world want to talk to little ole me.” I looked sheepishly at the window of my room.
“Okay. Okay maybe I’m going to be one of the Seven just not yet. I am a direct descendant of Vlad the Impalar and do live in biggest castle in the county.”
“Then you’re a count?”
“And king of all Vampires in Romania and Bulgaria.”
“So, I don’t understand why you care what I do?”
“Because you fucking with a gypsy. I don’t mean fucking, fucking. I mean fucking with a gypsy. Gypsies are dirt. Gypsies are slaves. They’re donkeys and you’re treating Nadia like a human being. How can I’m keep gypsies down if you make them go up. Because of you, all gypsies might think they up. I don’t want those gypsies to get any ideas. I have to rule those people and you ruined it. You American, especially you! You talk like shit and walk like a drunk and yet because you’re an American you’re rich.”
“I’m not rich.”
“How much salary you make last year? Answer me or I get mad.”
“ Thirty thousand dollars”
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