that? I can’t imagine you being helpless, at someone else’s mercy and dependent on them just to maintain your sanity and keep it together.”
“I do understand,” he murmured. “I understand far more than you realize because you hold me in the palms of your hands, and you have as much power over me as you say I have over you. And I have to tell you, it sucks. I hate feeling so helpless. I’ve never been dependent on another person in my life. I’m always in control and yet when I’m with you I feel anything but in control. I feel as though I’m walking through a minefield, and one wrong move and I destroy something very precious and beautiful. I damn near did just that. I certainly inflicted a lot of damage, and that makes me a complete bastard. Believe me, Angel. I will
never
forget. I will never forgive myself for what happened that night. It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. I haven’t eaten, I haven’t slept, I’ve been a shell of a man for the last five days, and self-loathing has slowly eaten a hole in my soul until there’s barely anything left, if anything at all.”
“Drake, no,” she cried out. “Stop. Just stop! You can’t torture yourself this way. It does neither of us any good. If we’re going to make this work, then we have to put it behind us and move forward. If you stay boggeddown in the past, it will destroy us
both
. If I can forgive, then you should be able to do the same.”
Drake sucked in his breath and his pulse accelerated wildly. He was shaking and desperately trying to hold himself together as her words penetrated his anger and grief. He grasped her shoulders and pushed his face toward hers until they were nose to nose.
“Do you mean that, Evangeline? Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you giving me another chance?”
His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. It was beating far too fast and for a moment, he feared the strain would be too much and he’d have a heart attack. His entire body shook. Not one part of him was calm or still as his gaze bored into hers, seeking confirmation of the hope that had taken root and snaked insidiously through his veins.
She swallowed and he saw how difficult this was for her. How monumental a decision she’d reached. But then she slowly nodded.
“I need the words,” he said hoarsely. “I have to be sure. I need to hear you say it out loud.”
“Yes,” she said softly. “I’ll give you—us—another chance. I won’t lie. I’m scared out of my mind. But I’m willing to try.”
It was too much for Drake. He crushed her into his arms, holding on to her for dear life. He rocked back and forth, alternating murmuring against her hair and brushing kisses over the silken tresses.
A huge knot in his throat prevented him from articulating his thoughts and emotions, so he simply held her, touching her, caressing her, kissing her over and over as he silently gave thanks for this beautiful, sweet and generous woman in his arms.
He didn’t deserve her, no, but no way in hell would he ever willingly give her up. She had become vital to him. As necessary as breathing. He couldn’t imagine his life without her now. Never did he want to go back to the stark, barren existence he’d endured before Evangeline had stormed into his life and changed everything.
For several long minutes, he simply held her, unable to form any semblance of words. Reluctantly, he loosened his hold on her and pressed a kiss to her lips before gathering her hands in his.
“I need to know if you no longer want to live in the apartment we lived in before. It’s perfectly understandable if you don’t. I don’t want to do anything that brings back bad memories. But if we choose to live in one of my other residences, I’ll need a week or so to properly secure it and get it up to the same standards as my current apartment. We can move each day so we don’t spend the same night in one place until all
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