Read Online Dogs of Orninica by Daniel Unedo - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Daniel Unedo
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and sedative properties in grass, and engineered some paid protests in major cities against grass-use. There wasn't much response from the actual public, but with skillful editing, the media showed the world a hefty outcry against grass-use coming from an outraged populace.
We need to further our efforts in outlawing every preposterous natural remedy that's ever been used by these freeloading witch doctors anywhere in the world. We must safeguard the great institutions that grant us our comforts.
I'm thinking we'll leave grass outlawed for a few years, until dogs forget it used to be free, and then eventually allow it to be grown and sold only by specialized grass clinics that we hold the exclusive government contact to operate. It's the only way to monetize this common weed. But of course, we'll first need to alter the genes so that it doesn't actually treat anything, and enhance the addictive and sedative properties. And it goes without saying, add in some toxic genes to further advance our interests in the thriving cancer industry.
Meanwhile, the chemical companies are making a killing selling herbicides to the cities, that are frantically covering every patch of lawn with the liquid to prepare for the passing of the new law, so we're going to want our rightful cut of that. I'm meeting with the chem-co captains to negotiate our percentage tomorrow night.
Our profits are going to be unprecedented in the years ahead. When my dear departed grandfather started this company, he could never have imagined how far we'd come. Our path has been hard-fought, but with my guidance, we're finally at the top and it feels gosh-darn great. Thanks to our new promotional campaign featuring larger than life celebrity Harvey Fidelbrook, my grandfather's very first product, TongueFresh Ultra ® is now the number one antipersperant in the world. And we're making a killing selling the associated chemotherapy machines to the hospitals. Congratulations to all of us.
However, if we want to really rake in the profits, we need to launch a marketing campaign to convince civilized dogs everywhere to spray TongueFresh on more than just their tongue. I'm thinking the anus and genital areas would be good candidates, it's always easy to convince the public to find some shame there. Maybe even launch a new AnusFresh and CrotchFresh line to get them to buy three cans at a time instead of one. I can already see the commercials playing in my mind, that jingle practically writes itself.
We can especially target the marketing towards the video-game playing crowd. The more hours of couch-sitting the customer does, the more he's going to need to freshen his big putrid bottom up. I guarantee those characters have some extremely musty behinds, that can make us richer than ever. And let's not forget how much of the population spends every day sitting in a cubicle. I want every single office worker in the world aiming a tube of AnusFresh at his behind at least three times a day by next year.
Our viral marketing campaign to promote dental-bubblegum over toothbrushes and toothpaste is a booming success. All over the country, pups and adults alike are throwing away their toothbrushes in favor of our much more convenient and tasty alternative. The blue flavor is especially popular, but orange is making great inroads in the minority communities.
The bad news, however, is that our toothpaste-making competitors are not happy. They are making demands that we feature a disclaimer on the packages warning that the bubblegum must be used in combination with an Orninican Dental Association approved toothpaste. I'm afraid we will have to accommodate them if we expect to keep the peace. They have a lot of influential politicians in their pockets that could really hurt our bottom line if they chose to.
But let's be realistic, it's not like anyone in our target demographic is going to be reading any labels on the product anyway. If they did, they'd read the list of
We need to further our efforts in outlawing every preposterous natural remedy that's ever been used by these freeloading witch doctors anywhere in the world. We must safeguard the great institutions that grant us our comforts.
I'm thinking we'll leave grass outlawed for a few years, until dogs forget it used to be free, and then eventually allow it to be grown and sold only by specialized grass clinics that we hold the exclusive government contact to operate. It's the only way to monetize this common weed. But of course, we'll first need to alter the genes so that it doesn't actually treat anything, and enhance the addictive and sedative properties. And it goes without saying, add in some toxic genes to further advance our interests in the thriving cancer industry.
Meanwhile, the chemical companies are making a killing selling herbicides to the cities, that are frantically covering every patch of lawn with the liquid to prepare for the passing of the new law, so we're going to want our rightful cut of that. I'm meeting with the chem-co captains to negotiate our percentage tomorrow night.
Our profits are going to be unprecedented in the years ahead. When my dear departed grandfather started this company, he could never have imagined how far we'd come. Our path has been hard-fought, but with my guidance, we're finally at the top and it feels gosh-darn great. Thanks to our new promotional campaign featuring larger than life celebrity Harvey Fidelbrook, my grandfather's very first product, TongueFresh Ultra ® is now the number one antipersperant in the world. And we're making a killing selling the associated chemotherapy machines to the hospitals. Congratulations to all of us.
However, if we want to really rake in the profits, we need to launch a marketing campaign to convince civilized dogs everywhere to spray TongueFresh on more than just their tongue. I'm thinking the anus and genital areas would be good candidates, it's always easy to convince the public to find some shame there. Maybe even launch a new AnusFresh and CrotchFresh line to get them to buy three cans at a time instead of one. I can already see the commercials playing in my mind, that jingle practically writes itself.
We can especially target the marketing towards the video-game playing crowd. The more hours of couch-sitting the customer does, the more he's going to need to freshen his big putrid bottom up. I guarantee those characters have some extremely musty behinds, that can make us richer than ever. And let's not forget how much of the population spends every day sitting in a cubicle. I want every single office worker in the world aiming a tube of AnusFresh at his behind at least three times a day by next year.
Our viral marketing campaign to promote dental-bubblegum over toothbrushes and toothpaste is a booming success. All over the country, pups and adults alike are throwing away their toothbrushes in favor of our much more convenient and tasty alternative. The blue flavor is especially popular, but orange is making great inroads in the minority communities.
The bad news, however, is that our toothpaste-making competitors are not happy. They are making demands that we feature a disclaimer on the packages warning that the bubblegum must be used in combination with an Orninican Dental Association approved toothpaste. I'm afraid we will have to accommodate them if we expect to keep the peace. They have a lot of influential politicians in their pockets that could really hurt our bottom line if they chose to.
But let's be realistic, it's not like anyone in our target demographic is going to be reading any labels on the product anyway. If they did, they'd read the list of
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