Read Online Dogs Don't Tell Jokes by Louis Sachar - Free Book Online Page A

his chest.
    Everyone was charging toward him now, but he never broke stride as he continued running across the goal line for a touchdown.
    He held the ball in front of his face and stared at it as if he didn’t know how it got there. Then he spiked it.
    “My man!” shouted Joe as he slapped Gary’s hand high in the air.
    One by one the players on both teams realized what had happened. It had all been an act—the dropped ball, the bad hike. The Goon had tricked them.
    “Why didn’t you at least tell your own team?” asked Zack.
    “I didn’t want anyone to give it away,” Joe said.
    “Man, that was great!” said Brian. He looked at Gary. “You should be an actor!”
    Gary was still out of breath. “It was a great pass,” he said. “I’m just glad I didn’t drop it.”
    “Perfect,” said Zack. “It wouldn’t have worked with anyone else, but everyone already thinks you’re a goon. No offense. That’s just what everybody thinks. You know that. That’s why it worked so well,”
    “I know,” said Gary.
    Zack held up his hand and Gary slapped it.
    “There’s a lot we don’t know about old Goon,” Joe said. He grabbed the back of Gary’s neck and playfully shook it, like a puppy. “I think he’s just been sandbagging us all along.”

14 .
    Gary rubbed his hands over his face as he stood in front of his open locker, which was crammed with books. He tried to remember what he needed to bring home.
    He was still pretty excited about his touchdown, but he had more important things to think about—jokes. He hadn’t made up any jokes yesterday, so he had to make up twice as many today.
    He pulled out his math book, then slammed his locker shut before the rest of the books could fall. He still had to finish reading the pirate book too.
    Ira Feldman laughed.
    Gary turned.
    “Michael told me what you said,” said Ira.
    Gary didn’t know what he was talking about.
    “Maybe you can take it back and they’ll give you a new one,” Ira said in a dumb-sounding voice that was supposed to be an imitation of Gary’s.
    Gary remembered the “Bob Bremly” baseball card that one of the Higgins twins had showed him.
    “So Michael says you’re going to start collecting baseball cards,” said Ira.
    Gary shook his head. “No.”
    “Oh,” said Ira. “You should.”
    There it was again. Why in the world
should
he collect baseball cards? “I collect hats,” he said.
    Ira looked at him, studying Gary like he might study one of his baseball cards. “Why do you always tell jokes?”
    Gary shrugged. He didn’t bother to tell Ira that he’d actually stopped telling jokes. “To make people laugh.”
    “Why?” asked Ira.
    He shrugged again. “People like to laugh.”
    Ira thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said, like it wastrue for other people though not necessarily for him.
    Gary walked away talking to himself. “Why do I like to make people laugh? What kind of question is that? Everyone likes to laugh. It’s good to laugh. I should ask Ira why he collects baseball cards, that’s what I should do.”
    “Goon, think fast!”
    A football was coming at his face. He held up his math book just in time. The ball hit it and knocked it out of his hands.
    Joe and Zack laughed.
    Gary laughed too as he picked up the ball.
    “Goin’ long!” said Zack. Then he took off.
    It took a moment for Gary to realize what he was supposed to do, and by then Zack was too far. Gary threw it as hard as he could, but the ball landed way short as Zack ran back to try and catch it.
    “You want to go play some football?” asked Joe.
    “Me? Sure.”
    Zack threw the ball back to him. Gary planted his feet and waited to catch it, but Joe jumped in front of him and intercepted.
    Joe then immediately lateraled it behind hisback to Gary, but Gary wasn’t ready and it bounced off his stomach.
    He picked up the ball, then his math book, and ran after Joe and Zack.
    “C’mon, you guys. Hustle your