Read Online Do You Want to Know a Secret? by Claudia Carroll - Free Book Online Page A

and you know that you’ll have the cash coming in to transform this place,’ Laura butts in. ‘Look at my life and feel free to gloat if you’d care to. Do you realize there’s a very good chance I’ll end up rotting in a debtor’s prison?’
    ‘As project manager, can I just say we’re dealing with one issue at a time,’ Barbara says to her, mouth still stuffed. ‘You’ll get your turn, don’t worry, so just sit there quietly and drink your dinner.’
    Then she turns her full attention back to me. ‘Now, Vicky, I just want you to really listen to yourself: “I don’t want this, I don’t want that, he can’t be like this, I’m so sick of guys who are like that . . .” Come on, what do you expect? You’re putting out nothing but negativity, so of course that’s what the universe is delivering right back at you. It’s very obedient like that. At least that’s what that American woman told us at the mind, body, spirit whaddya call it. Remember?’
    OK, this actually shuts me up. She did say that and, what’s more, so does
The Law of Attraction
. There’s a quote in it from some Victorian philosopher saying that just like the law of gravity, the law of attraction never takes a day off. Or words to that effect. Suddenly I’m aware of how negative I do sound, and it’s quite a sobering thought. Well, that and the fact that our Barbara, our wonderful, flaky, dippy, slightly off-the-wall Barbara has turned into a cross between Sir Alan Sugar and Donald Trump. You should see her, she’s being
scarily
assertive.
    ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ she says, clocking the bewildered look on my face. ‘Am I being a bit hard on you?’
    ‘No, but you just said all that with such authority, I bought it.’
    Now Laura, who’s genetically incapable of sitting quietly and letting other people get on with it, gets her two cents’ worth in. ‘Ladies, as you’re no doubt aware, I have a tendency to tune out whenever you pair start talking about the universe; however, I do actually find myself in agreement here. What I mean is, I see it with the kids all the time,’ she adds, taking in the blank expression on both our faces. ‘Our brains just aren’t programmed to understand negativity. If I say to the kids, “Don’t go outside, it’s raining,” all they hear are the words “outside” and “raining”. Therefore all I get is: “But Mum, we really want to go out outside, that’s all we want, you’re ruining our lives, we hate you, all of our friends are allowed do what they want . . . etc., etc., etc.”, repeat ad nauseam. However, if I rephrase and say, “It’s horrible out, let’s stay in and read,” then they’re all up for it.’
    She takes in our vacant, non-parent, ‘what-the-hell’s-she-on-about’ stares again. ‘Sorry, but I’m only trying to keep this within my own particular frame of reference.’
    ‘OK, OK, so maybe I do have a slight attitude problem when it comes to men,’ I say, a bit grudgingly.
    ‘So are you going to sit there whingeing, or are you going to listen to what I have to say?’ says Barbara, in the all-new, businesslike, assertive voice.
    God, I’m thinking, looking at her and drifting off for just a sec, she’d be so fabulous in a soap opera, cast as the Joan Collins type, you know, looking stunning, with the long red hair tied up, wearing professional make-up and a tight little designer suit and a hat with a veil and saying lines like: ‘Too bad, Dexter, I just bought ninety-nine per cent of your company, so actually
you’re
the one who’s fired. HA!’
    Well, OK, so maybe with better dialogue than that, but you see what I mean. How come I never spotted this before?
    ‘The way I see it, it doesn’t matter how you got here,’ she goes on. ‘The big question is, what are you prepared to do about it? Which is what I’m here to tell you. And first up is: you’re going to write out your dating cheat sheet.’
    ‘Excuse me, my
what
?’
    ‘Like a list. I want you