Read Online Discworld 27 - The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett - Free Book Online Page A

“Yes, sir.”
With his back firmly against the sandbags. Ponder shut his eyes and
pulled the string.
In front of the dragon's cage, a mirror swung down, just for a moment.
And the first reaction of a male swamp dragon on seeing another male is
to flame ...
There was a roar. The two men peered over the barrier and saw a yellow-
green lance of fire thundering out across the evening sea.
Thirty-three seconds!“ said Ponder, when it finally winked out. He leapt
up.
The small dragon belched.
The flame was more or less gone, so it was the dampest explosion Ponder
had ever experienced.
”Ah,“ said Leonard, arising from behind the sandbags and peeling a piece
of scaly skin off his head. ”Nearly there, I think. Just a pinch more
charcoal and seaweed extract to prevent blowback.“
Ponder removed his hat. What he needed right now, he felt, was a bath.
And then another bath.
”I'm not exactly a rocket wizard, am I?“ he said, wiping bits of dragon
off his face.
But an hour later another flame lanced over the waves, thin and white
with a blue core ... and this time, this time, the dragon merely smiled.
I'd rather die than sign my name.” said Boy Willie.
“I'd rather face a dragon,” said Caleb. “One of the proper old ones, too,
not the little fireworky ones you get today.”
“Once they get you signin' your name, they've got you where they want
you,” said Cohen.
“Too many letters,” said Truckle. “All different shapes, too. I always
put an X.”
The Horde had stopped for a breather and a smoke on an outcrop at the end
of the green valley. Snow was thick on the ground, but the air was almost
mild. Already there was the prickly sensation of a high magical field.
“Readin', now,” said Cohen, “that's another matter. I don't mind a man
who does a bit of readin'. Now, you come across a map, as it might be,
and it's got a big cross on it, well, a readin' man can tell something
from that.”
“What? That it's Truckle's map?” said Boy Willie.
“Exactly. Could very well be.”
“I can read and write,” said Evil Harry. “Sorry. Part of the job.
Etiquette, too. You've got to be polite to people when you march them out
on the plank over the shark tank ... it makes it more evil?
”No one's blaming you, Harry,“ said Cohen.
”Huh, not that I could get sharks.“ said Harry. ”I should've known better
when Johnny No Hands told me they were sharks that hadn't grown all their
fins yet, but all they did was swim around squeaking happily and start
beggin' for fish. When I throw people into a torture tank it's to be torn
to bits, not to get in touch with their inner self and be one with the
cosmos.“
”Shark'd be better than this fish.“ said Caleb, making a face.
”Nah, shark tastes like piss,“ said Cohen. He sniffed. ”Now that...“
”Now that? said Truckle, “is what I call cookery?
They followed the smell through a maze of rocks to a cave. To the
minstrel's amazement, each man drew his sword as they approached.
”You can't trust cookery.“ said Cohen, apparently as an attempt at an
explanation.
”But you've just been fighting monstrous mad devil fish!" said the
minstrel.
     
 
   
“No, the priests were mad, the fish were ... hard to tell with fish.
Anyway, you know where you stand with a mad priest, but someone cooking
as well as that right up here - well, that's a mystery?
”Well?“
”Mysteries get you killed.“
”You're not dead, though.“
Cohen's sword swished through the air. The minstrel thought he heard it
sizzle.
”I solve mysteries,“ he said.
”Oh. With your sword ... like Carelinus untied the Tsortean Knot?“
”Don't know anything about any knots, lad.“
In a clear space among the rocks, a stew was cooking over a fire and an
elderly lady was working at her embroidery. It was not a scene the
minstrel would have expected out here, even though the lady was somewhat
... youngly dressed for a grandmother, and