Read Online Diary of a Mad Fat Girl by Stephanie McAfee - Free Book Online Page B

sigh and
think to myself that we go to jail then her sassy ass can bail us
both out. “Why would you keep that at school and not at
home?”
    She just stares at me.
    “ Well, in that case, I guess I’m
ready,” I say and don’t move.
    “ Great. Let’s go.” She unbuckles her
seatbelt and nods for me to get out.
    “ Wait,” I put my hand on her arm,
“what about the security cameras?”
    “ On the weekends, they only activate
if there is an intrusion at the school.”
    “ Like breaking into the main
office?”
    “ No, like a broken window or a kicked
down door or something like that.”
    “ How do you know this?”
    “ Sheriff Jackson told me.”
    “ How very thoughtful of
him.”
    “ Ace, shut up and get out of the
car!”
    17
    We waltz up to the school trying not to look
like the criminals that we are about to become. I unlock the door
and we walk through the commons area to the office lobby.
    It’s unlocked.
    “ It’s a trap!” I whisper. “Let’s get
the hell outta here!”
    “ They don’t always lock it, you idiot,
and I think you know that!” she whispers and walks into the lobby
like she owns the place. I walk behind her looking around like a
bleeding man in a shark tank.
    We get to Chloe’s office and she pauses,
then looks back at me.
    “ I don’t think she’ll be back this
year,” I whisper and she shakes her head and moves on down the
hallway.
    My stomach knots up when we get to Catherine
Hilliard’s office because I can’t stop thinking about all the ways
this could go wrong. I’m so damn nervous and it’s so unbearably hot
that I think I might pass out right there in the hallway. Lilly is
on her knees working the lock with her bobby pins and I start to
wonder if her new gay friends are some sort of criminals.
    Then I hear it.
    Click.
    Lilly gets up and walks into Principal
Catherine Hilliard’s office and I trail behind like Shy Ronnie in a
Saturday Night Live skit.
    “ C’mon and help me look!” she says and
starts rifling through the piles on Mrs. Hilliard’s junky ass
desk.
    I walk around and pull open the top drawer
on the left side. In there, I find a mixed mess of office supplies
and a Cover Girl compact that looks like it was purchased sometime
around 1986. The second drawer is full of hanging file folders so I
thumb through those, not looking for anything in particular when,
at the very back, I see an unusually wide file with “L.L.” written
on the tab in thick black letters.
    I pull it out and lay it on the desk and all
kinds of pictures spill out the sides and it doesn’t take me but a
second to discern a common theme.
    The same three people are in every photo.
Two very distinguished looking gentlemen and one Lilly Lane. Maybe
she’s not screwing Drake Driskall after all.
    “ Got it!” Lilly yelps. “Let’s get out
of here!”
    She turns around and sees the pictures and
gets this look on her face like she just got flashed by Larry
King.
    “ Is this?” I take a gulp of air. “Are
they-”
    “ Oh holy shit!” she screams. “Where
did those come from? Where the hell did those come
from?”
    “ Back there.” I point to the drawer.
“Lilly, what the hell?”
    “ Oh my God! This is so much worse than
I thought. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! What am I going to
do?”
    I have no idea how to answer that so I scoop
up the file, grab her by the arm, and hustle her out of the
office.
    “ Lock it back!” I order and we haul
ass out to the car.
    Lilly trips over her high heeled flip-flops
in the parking lot and I pull her up and turn around just in time
to see a patrol car turning into the drive.
    “ Oh God! Please let that be the
Sheriff,” she whispers as we pile into my car. I cram the file
folder under my seat and turn the air conditioner on full
blast.
    The patrol car parks sideways behind me,
effectively blocking any exit I might have planned. In my rearview
mirror, I see Deputy Dumbass get out of his patrol car and unsnap
his billy club and I