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Authors: Jill Steeples
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whispered beneath my breath, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention. ‘You go.’ I felt his fingers slip through mine and my heart knotted as I watched him leave.
Surely the others would see him, I thought, my heart thumping in my chest. He was there, as apparent to me as the carved angels on the oak beams stretching across the ceiling and the tall stained-glass windows throwing sunlight down the nave, his distinctive rangy frame casting a seemingly huge shadow. I wanted to run after him, to call his name, to see him turn to look at me with that huge wide smile upon his face, but all I could do was look on helplessly.
The sunlit patterns spreading down the aisle brought a flash of clarity. What if this was it? It hadn’t occurred to me before but it made perfect sense now. That his spirit should be reunited with his body in the beautiful surroundings of the majestic church with all the people he knew and loved around him seemed such a fitting tribute. The perfect solution to our problem too. And yet if this was it, I knew I’d be losing Jimmy forever. That I’d never get to see or speak to him again. My heart twisted in pain, my arms aching to reach out for him.
He slipped into the space between his mother and father and his head fell onto his mum’s shoulder. I saw her turn towards him as if she knew he was there, the tension and grief held rigid in her shoulders escaping from her body in that moment. They stayed like that, perfectly still, completely at one with each other. With tears falling down my cheeks, I couldn’t drag my eyes away from them.
It was a beautiful service, simple and touching. There were readings from his best friend and producer of his TV show, Justin Dawkins, and Paul, the next-door neighbour whose fragile emotions had the congregation hanging onto his every word. Ryan managed to lighten the mood with his tale of the antics of two schoolboys and friends, and the mischief and mayhem they managed to cause in the long summer holidays.
‘Jimmy was, as every single person here will know, a very special person. Not just through his on-screen persona, but as a son, grandson, colleague and, of course, a friend.’ He paused, biting on his lip, his eyes moistened with emotion. ‘He was my best friend. Even as a young boy that special quality that would be so evident in his later life to so many people could be seen shining through. He was, to my great displeasure at the time, a bit of a golden boy. Top of the class in all his subjects, a great sportsman, a talented musician, an accomplished dressmaker…’ he paused, waiting for the expected ripple of laughter. ‘I kid you not. Oh yes, I had more than enough reasons to dislike him, but however much I tried, and believe me, I tried, I just couldn’t do anything more than love Jimmy, in a very manly way, you understand.’
I could see Jimmy joining in with the laughter, enjoying his moment amongst the people who knew and loved him best. I felt humbled to be part of this day. Over the last ten days I’d got to know Jimmy, the man behind the public façade, but being here today gave me an even deeper insight into his huge and warm personality.
Even so, I was relieved when the service was over and we could all file out into the sunshine. I felt someone grab hold of my wrist.
I spun round to face Jimmy, never being so relieved to see anyone in my life.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, concern drawn on his features.
I nodded mutely, not trusting myself to speak in earshot of the other mourners, trying hard to keep a lid on the sheer pleasure I felt at seeing him again. With a barely imperceptible tilt of my head I indicated to Jimmy to follow me to a quiet spot beneath the canopy of the yew tree away from the milling crowds.
‘Wasn’t it a wonderful service? So touching. I thought…’ Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, relief flooding through my bones that he was still here talking to me, swiftly followed by guilt that I was thinking
Surely the others would see him, I thought, my heart thumping in my chest. He was there, as apparent to me as the carved angels on the oak beams stretching across the ceiling and the tall stained-glass windows throwing sunlight down the nave, his distinctive rangy frame casting a seemingly huge shadow. I wanted to run after him, to call his name, to see him turn to look at me with that huge wide smile upon his face, but all I could do was look on helplessly.
The sunlit patterns spreading down the aisle brought a flash of clarity. What if this was it? It hadn’t occurred to me before but it made perfect sense now. That his spirit should be reunited with his body in the beautiful surroundings of the majestic church with all the people he knew and loved around him seemed such a fitting tribute. The perfect solution to our problem too. And yet if this was it, I knew I’d be losing Jimmy forever. That I’d never get to see or speak to him again. My heart twisted in pain, my arms aching to reach out for him.
He slipped into the space between his mother and father and his head fell onto his mum’s shoulder. I saw her turn towards him as if she knew he was there, the tension and grief held rigid in her shoulders escaping from her body in that moment. They stayed like that, perfectly still, completely at one with each other. With tears falling down my cheeks, I couldn’t drag my eyes away from them.
It was a beautiful service, simple and touching. There were readings from his best friend and producer of his TV show, Justin Dawkins, and Paul, the next-door neighbour whose fragile emotions had the congregation hanging onto his every word. Ryan managed to lighten the mood with his tale of the antics of two schoolboys and friends, and the mischief and mayhem they managed to cause in the long summer holidays.
‘Jimmy was, as every single person here will know, a very special person. Not just through his on-screen persona, but as a son, grandson, colleague and, of course, a friend.’ He paused, biting on his lip, his eyes moistened with emotion. ‘He was my best friend. Even as a young boy that special quality that would be so evident in his later life to so many people could be seen shining through. He was, to my great displeasure at the time, a bit of a golden boy. Top of the class in all his subjects, a great sportsman, a talented musician, an accomplished dressmaker…’ he paused, waiting for the expected ripple of laughter. ‘I kid you not. Oh yes, I had more than enough reasons to dislike him, but however much I tried, and believe me, I tried, I just couldn’t do anything more than love Jimmy, in a very manly way, you understand.’
I could see Jimmy joining in with the laughter, enjoying his moment amongst the people who knew and loved him best. I felt humbled to be part of this day. Over the last ten days I’d got to know Jimmy, the man behind the public façade, but being here today gave me an even deeper insight into his huge and warm personality.
Even so, I was relieved when the service was over and we could all file out into the sunshine. I felt someone grab hold of my wrist.
I spun round to face Jimmy, never being so relieved to see anyone in my life.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, concern drawn on his features.
I nodded mutely, not trusting myself to speak in earshot of the other mourners, trying hard to keep a lid on the sheer pleasure I felt at seeing him again. With a barely imperceptible tilt of my head I indicated to Jimmy to follow me to a quiet spot beneath the canopy of the yew tree away from the milling crowds.
‘Wasn’t it a wonderful service? So touching. I thought…’ Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, relief flooding through my bones that he was still here talking to me, swiftly followed by guilt that I was thinking
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