Read Online Depths of Lake by Keary Taylor - Free Book Online Page A

suppose.   “Just after I graduated.   The red, white, and blue are in my blood, and to say I worshiped the ground my dad walked on would be an understatement.”
    “Why didn’t you?” Lake asks.   He looks over at me, those complicated eyes meeting mine.
    I shrug.   “Cause I felt like I was running away by doing that.   Running away from the ranch.   Running from other stuff that I needed to deal with.”
    He looks away, to the stall again.   “A lot of people join cause they’re running away from something.”
    “How about you?” I ask.   “Is that why you joined?”
    He doesn’t answer right away.   He reaches down and grabs a stray piece of straw and twirls it between two fingers.   Like I said, everything with Lake is calm and calculated.   “I joined to prove to myself that I wasn’t a worthless bad guy.”
    Once again, the silence stretches between us for a while.   “That sounds like there’s a story behind that statement.”
    “There is,” he says and leaves it at that.
    I grab a piece of straw too and weave it between my fingers.   “You don’t have a whole lot to say about anything, do you?”   It’s a blunt question, but it’s how I am.   At least how I used to be.
    Lake looks over at me, one of his eyebrows arching up slightly.   He shrugs.   “I’m not a complicated guy.”
    We look at each other, and it almost feels like there’s a challenge between us, as if I should prove him wrong.   “Everyone’s complicated.”
    “Not me,” he says before looking away.
    Liar.
    I realize then that everything about Lake, I can’t help but compare to Cal.   Cal was upbeat and likable.   Lake is quiet and standoffish.   Cal could talk and tell stories all night long.   Lake doesn’t say more than is needed.
    Lake isn’t Cal.   So why do I keep comparing them?
    Why does it matter, noticing the differences between them?
    “What was it like?” I ask, trying to distract myself from my thoughts.   “Being in the Corps?   So much of my life has revolved around the Marines, but I don’t think I can really picture what it’s like.”
    Lake shifts his position, trying to get more uncomfortable.   And it’s clear to see that me asking him such a question makes him uncomfortable.
    “It’s not really something you can explain,” he says quietly.   And it’s almost as if I can feel him being pulled into another place.   A war zone.   Boot camp.   Some other terrible place.   “There’s the structure and the hard work.   There’s the training.   But being out in the actual field?   There’s nothing that can prepare you for it.”
    He clears his throat.   His twists the hem of his shirt, his eyes glued to it.   “And the first time you kill someone is something that changes you.   You know they’re just a casualty in a much bigger picture, but they’re still a person.   It’s pretty rough.”   The sound of Lake’s voice changes.   It’s haunted.   “And then it happens again and it doesn’t really feel any better or easier.   Eventually you just want to shut it off, but flipping that switch?   That’s the moment you lose yourself.”
    I reach a hand out, putting it on Lake’s forearm.   I know being a soldier isn’t an easy thing, but hearing it in his own words, hearing the terror he must have felt in the past echoed in his voice now?   I feel like a horrible person for bringing it up.
    Lake looks over at my hand and puts one of his own over mine.   “That’s why it was so easy being Cal’s friend.”
    He looks up and meets my eyes, and there’s something deep and reflective there.   I stare back at him and something squeezes in my chest.
    “Cal had this way about him that made it seem like nothing ever stuck to him,” Lake continues.   “Not that he acted like he was heartless or that none of it mattered to him, but he could just internalize it all and push out something better.   Something hopeful and cheerful.   He could